Week CXX (453): Haiku 2 U2.


Bill Clinton
A policy wonk
Peace at home and peace abroad
And a broad at home

Harry S Truman
Wore a fedora
Took responsibility
Big bang for the buck

Strom Thurmond
Segregationist
Truman hoped he'd go away.
Ha ha ha Truman.

Bob Dole
Injured veteran
Soft on corporate controls
Hard on a new drug

This Week's Contest was suggested by James Hertsch III of Springfield. Write a haiku summarizing the career of any American politician, living or dead. (A haiku is generally defined as a nonrhyming poem of three lines. The first and last line are five syllables; the middle line is seven.) First-prize winner gets a paperweight made from genuine South African elephant dung, donated to The Style Invitational by Robin Diallo of Malawi.

First runner-up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312, or by e-mail to losers@washpost.com. U.S. mail entries are no longer accepted due to rabid, spit-flying fanaticism. Deadline is Monday, May 20. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post.

Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Tom Witte of Gaithersburg and Seth Brown of Williamstown, Mass.

Report from Week CXVI (449), in which we asked you to cut up any headlines in that day's Post to create new, more interesting headlines. (Because Sunday Style is available in some places on Saturday, we accepted headline words from Saturday's paper, too.)

[diam]Fourth Runner-Up:

Honest Politician Found; D.C. Says "No Thanks." (Judith Cottrill, New York)

[diam]Third Runner-Up:

Gore Not Dead, Sophisticated Analysis Say (Chris Rubino, San Diego)

[diam]Second Runner-Up:

Caught With Drugs in Fla., Barry says "Beach Set Me Up." (Chris Doyle, Burke)

[diam]First Runner-Up:

Vicious Predator From Hell Turns Out to Be Female Shopping. (Milo Sauer, Fairfax)

[diam]And the winner of the Hubert Humphrey bottle from the 1968 campaign:

Yankees Move to D.C., Change Name to Washington Senators; Force Peter Angelos to Move Orioles to Buck Holler, West Virginia (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

[diam]Honorable Mentions:

Gore Looks Good in Wood Finish

(Marc Leibert, New York; Frank Mullen III, Heathsville, Va.)

Mideast Enjoys Short Peace as Arafat, Sharon Watch Broad Run, Savor the Bob.

(Sandra Hull, Arlington)

India Stages "Lady Singh the Blues"

(Sandra Hull, Arlington)

White House Johns Broken; Bush in Deep Do Do.

(Chris Doyle, Burke)

At Bacchus Retirement Home, Seniors Enjoy Rum Cake, Wild Music, Adult Videos.

(Chris Doyle, Burke)

Brain Guys Team With High-Fashion Guys to Design Smarty Pants.

(Scott Slaughter, Mount Airy)

Food Researchers Find Infertility Linked to Nuts

(Chris Doyle, Burke)

New Jesse Jackson Affirmative Action Figure: Will It Sell?

(Chris Doyle, Burke)

Most People Buy Washington Post to Wrap Fish

(Chris Doyle, Burke)

Sharon Will Offer Arafat an Olive Branch -- an Olive Branch With a Sharp Point.

(Judith Cottrill, New York)

Proponent of Ebonics Be Dead

(Frank Mullen III, Heathsville; Jeff Martin, Gaithersburg)

New Musical, "Jerusalem Follies," Not Selling

(Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)

Crude Clinton Confession Makes Pope Weep

(John Burton, Herndon)

Poverty a National Embarrassment, So Rich Try to Ban Poor People

(Chris Doyle, Burke)

Clinton Tell-All: "Is" Is Not "Was."

(Dot Yufer, Newton, W.Va.)

Archbishop Says a Bit of Sex Is Welcome

(Dot Yufer, Newton, W.Va.)

Jews Marvel at DNA-Altering Scientific Breakthrough: Kosher Porcine Products.

(Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Mark Trail, a Friend of Great Outdoors, Charged as Sexual Predator.

(Mike Cozy, Silver Spring)

Manilow's Success: Why Is This Happening? Why? Why?

(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Female to Math: Drop Dead.

(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Mideast Scandal: Powell, Arafat Shared French Kiss

(Fred S. Souk, Reston)