Week CXIX (452): Russellmania!


We are saddened to report that this week marks the final appearance on these pages of Russell Beland of Springfield, one of the most prolific and ingenious contributors to the Style Invitational. Russell has informed us that he is retiring from the contest because he has decided that it is a soul-devouring addiction. We know he's serious because he is a mere nine published entries shy of a career total of 500, a milestone that would have made him the third person ever to enter The Style Invitational Hall of Fame. In the spirit of goodwill for which the Style Invitational is famous, we therefore announce this week's Russell Beland of Springfield Contest, in which you may do one of two things: (1) Design one or more steps for a 12-step program for the recovering Invitationalaholic; (2) Propose a devious method by which we might lure Russ back. First-prize winner gets a blue wig with an elegant plastic foam-head wig-holder.

First runner-up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312, or by e-mail to losers@washpost. com. U.S. mail entries are no longer accepted due to rabid, spit-flying fanaticism. Deadline is Monday, May 13. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Seth Brown of Williamstown, Mass.

Report from Week CXV (448), when we asked you to match any two Triple Crown-eligible horses and name the foal.

As always with this contest, the overwhelming number of entries raises the possibility that we may have overlooked one of yours similar or even identical to one we are publishing. If you feel we have made that error, contact Russell Beland of Springfield. He'll be delighted to intercede personally on your behalf.

[diam]Fifth Runner-Up: Mate Saarland with ShowMeItAll and name the foal Saar Knickerless (Chris Doyle, Burke)

[diam]Fourth Runner-Up: Mate Lord of the Thunder with Sleeping Weapon and name the foal Thorazine (Ellen Hill and John Godfrey, Kensington)

[diam]Third Runner-Up: Mate Raven Power with Lawn Mover and name the foal Nevermower (Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley)

[diam]Second Runner-Up: Mate Double Zero Seven with Corner the Market and name the foal Bond, Junk Bond (Dave Ferry, Leesburg)

[diam]First Runner-Up: Mate Professor Higgins with The Senate and name the foal Doolittle (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

[diam]And the winner of the "Humor for Dummies" cards:

Mate Illicit Affair with Ealing Park and name the foal That's a Moray

(Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)

[diam]Honorable Mentions:

Bella Bellucci + Spitfire Man = Bela Loogiesi (Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)

Chief Whitefeather + Bold Truth = ChiefSittingnobull (Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)

Wild Horses + Where's the Ring = Nag Nag Nag (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Dial a Hero + Smooth Jazz = Phone Sax (Steve Tretiak, Alexandria)

You + Hit the Trail = Dear John

(John Ruthinoski, Fairfax)

Raven Power + The Full Circle = Poe R Squared (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Chop Chop + Classic Hero = JohnWayneBobbitt (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)

Dominated Day + Lawn Mover = Marquis de Sod (Marc Leibert, New York)

Grey Beard + Crap Shooter = Grey Poopon (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Arman + Casa Chica = Arman in Havana (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Beautiful Indy + Daddy's Bright Star = Hoosier Daddy (Chris Doyle, Burke; Greg Donahue, Edgewater)

Pinch Hitter + French Assault = Joe DiMaginot (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)

Ibn Al Haitham + Puck = CmonMeccaMeLaugh

(Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)

Constitution + Peekskill = We the Peephole (Chris Doyle, Burke)

Sleeping Weapon + Crap Shooter = Ammunition Dump (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)

Expect + Inaugural Address = Expectoration (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Iron Deputy + Spinning Tales = Blarney Fife (Steve Fahey, Kensington)

Mayakovsky + Fast Decision = RussianToJudgment (Cindi Rae Caron, Lenoir, N.C.; Chris Doyle, Burke)

Chief Whitefeather + A Table for Three = Indian Reservation (Laura Allen, Clarksville; Carl Yaffe, Rockville)

Crap Shooter + Slo Gin Jack = PlopPlopFizzFizz (Judith Cottrill, New York)

Giant American + Barometric = Lincoln Mercury (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Giant American + ShowMeItAll = Uncle Miltie (Charlie Myers, Laurel)

Many of Destiny + Giant American = Man of Density (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Lawn Mover + Van Rouge = Mowlawn Rouge (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Twenty One Cats + Forty Nine Deeds = Watch Your Step (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Warners + Thatsallmon = Th'th'thatsallmon

(Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.; Randall Kunkel, Dale City)

Binyamin + Crown the King = Bibi King (Chris Doyle, Burke)

The Senate + Unanimous Decision = National Pet Month (Laird Hart, Takoma Park)

Professor Higgins + Cappuchino = My Fair Latte (Sandra Hull, Arlington; Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Yoga + Ursa Minor = Yoga Bear

(Chris Rubino, San Diego; Russell Beland, Springfield)

Crap Shooter + Crown the King = Rex Lax (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Tomahawk Lake + Quiet American = DontAxeDontTell (Laura Bennett Peterson, Washington)

Got the Message + Bulldozer = I Can Dig It (Laura Bennett Peterson, Washington)

Hidden Dragon + Curmudgeon = Grouching Tiger (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Illicit Affair + Chop Chop = Romeo and Julienne (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Piston + Curmudgeon = Pistoff (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Puck + Imperial Gesture = Puck U

(Danielle Reed, Suitland)

Gamble + Bet the Black = Bet Noir (Chris Doyle, Burke)

Charioteer + The Full Circle = Ben Hur Done That (J.D. Berry, Springfield)

Solomon's Decree + Double Zero Seven = Double Zero 3.5 (Jeff Gluck, Silver Spring)

Cripple Creek + Lord of the Thunder = A Thor Foot (John Machado, Springfield; Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

Whiskey Bill + Marshal Cody = Wild Bill Hiccup (John Burton, Herndon)

Canadian Peso + Crap Shooter = Peso Crap (Kris and Ellen Kunert, Washington)

Canadian Peso + Officer = Canadian Bacon (Kris and Ellen Kunert, Washington)

D'Coach + D'Behr = D'itka (Lloyd Harrison, Huntingtown, Md.; Rick Penn, Rockville; Russell Beland, Springfield)

Inaugural Address + Maybry's Boy = Ask Knott (Mark Young, Washington)

I.R. Wood + You = We R. Wood

(Mike Hammer, Arlington)

Flying Dash + French Assault = Dash Assault (Mike Hammer, Arlington)

Imperial Gesture + Axis = SitOnIt AndRotate (Michael Mason, Fairfax)

Wiseman's Ferry + Rock the Stone = Styx 'n' Stones (Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)

Dances Well + Cappuchino = Baryshnicoffee (Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)

Spitfire Man + Classic Hero = Mucus Aurelius (Seth Brown, Williamstown, Mass.)

You + Six G's = Gug Gug Gug

(Fred Dawson, Beltsville)

Occidental Tourist + Yoga = Western Om-let (Ralph Bain, Bethesda)

[diam]And Last: Netcong + Sunday Break = I Viet to Win (Alan DeValerio, Damascus)