The Style Invitational;
Sleeps With the Fishes (432)


Week XCIX: No contests until mid-January. Instead, Everything You Always Wanted to Know About the Stars of The Style Invitational in 100-Word Autobiographies That Contain One (and Only One) Falsehood. The revised title for next week's column is by Russell Beland of Springfield.

* I grew up in Providence when it was the armpit of New England. With the economic renaissance, it's moved up to become New England's goiter. I'm a math geek -- in junior high I memorized pi to 100 places. That's probably why I didn't date till college. That's probably why I flunked out of Brown. Twice.

Got drafted in '66, seeing action at NCO clubs in Jersey and Florida. Got out, went back to school on the GI Bill. Now I'm a Defense Department actuary computing GI Bill costs. What goes around comes around. Except for the digits of pi.

(Chris Doyle, Burke)

* At birth, I weighed 7 pounds 1 ounce, almost equal to five Entenmann's Ultimate Crumb Cakes. My high school mascot: Quakers. College mascot: Quakers. Law school mascot: Warriors, or the Defenders of the 33 1/3 Percent Retainer Fee. I'm writing a novel based on my paternal grandfather's autobiography, describing his rise from immigrant fruit peddler to Coffee King of the Hawaiian Islands. When I moved here in 1992, people asked, "Why would you move from Hawaii to Washington?" Now that I'm moving to Fargo, I can hear the inevitable question: "Why would you move from Hawaii to Washington?"

(Sue Lin Chong, Washington)

* But for my earnest, well-rewarded 18 months in The Style Invitational, the only way my name and photograph might appear on your Sunday breakfast table is affixed to a milk carton. Invitational renown saps one's credibility: Sometimes it seemed as though I was the one who insisted that O.J. try on the bloody glove. So I quit to salvage my architectural and scholarly career, spend more time with my wife and daughters, and use my spare time to push Mariah Carey toward movie stardom. I admit that some parts of the plan worked out better than others.

(Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)

* My name is Paul Styrene and I can be found on www.crunchland.com. I was born in Washington, D.C., raised in Silver Spring and Wheaton, and currently live in Olney. I work for the Department of the Navy, spending money faster than a bottle of syrup of ipecac can cause discomfort. My friend Lexy thinks I am a jackass. "Scat" is the funniest word I can think of right now. I have the attention span of a 2-year-old. I'm still waiting for John Waters to discover me.

(Paul Styrene, Olney)