Week LXXXI (414): No Rest for the Query
Is that your -------- or -------------------?
This Week's Contest was suggested by Stephen Dudzik of Olney. Stephen has always been fascinated by the subtleties of rhetorical questioning, as practiced by Plutarch and perfected by Shakespeare ("If you prick us, do we not bleed . . .?") Stephen is a particular fan of the rhetorical form embodied in the classic question: "Is that your head or did your neck just puke?" That's the contest. Complete the sentence above by filling in the blanks. Yes, it must be a put-down. First-prize winner gets a copy of the 1954 George Washington University Medical School yearbook, a publication that would be of no particular note except for its name. It is "The Speculum." (Also, it contains a photo of the school's eminent neurology professor Walter Freeman, who years later would gain some renown as the half-mad king of the ice-pick lobotomy.)
First runner-up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312, by e-mail to losers@washpost.com, or by U.S. mail to The Style Invitational, Week LXXXI, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071. Deadline is Monday, Aug. 20. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Jonathan Paul of Garrett Park.
REPORT FROM WEEK LXXVIII (410), in which we supplied 12 "Jeopardy!" answers, and asked you to come up with the appropriate questions.
[diam]Fourth Runner-Up: Answer: Christine Toad Whitman. Question: Which politician was squashed because of her middle-of-the-road policies?
(Jol Silversmith, Arlington)
[diam]Third Runner-Up:
Answer: Zurich, Paris and Dumfries. Question: What line won't you find beneath a Chanel Boutique sign?
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney)
[diam]Second Runner-Up: Answer: Zurich, Paris and Dumfries: What places are associated with three peace conferences, two peace accords, and five-piece chicken meals?
(Kyle Bonney, Fairfax)
[diam]First Runner-Up: Answer: Christine Toad Whitman. Question: In whose office would you not want to be a fly on the wall?
(Jerry Pannullo, Kensington)
[diam]And the winner of the insect-imbedded candy:
Answer: A prehensile nose. Question: What is helpful when you are grasping at straws?
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
[diam]Honorable Mentions:
A PREHENSILE NOSE
What is featured in "Pornocchio"?
(Mark Young, Washington)
What evolutionary adaptation would help humans develop better scratch 'n' sniff skills?
(Stephen Hahn, College Park)
SHORTLY AFTER BRAIN DEATH
When does HMO catastrophic coverage kick in?
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
When will Dick Cheney admit he has a serious heart problem?
(Walter Ludwig, Takoma Park; Jack Welsch and Sugar Strawn, Alexandria)
ANYTHING BUT BIB OVERALLS
What should you wear to a West Virginia wedding so as to avoid duplicating the outfit of the mother of the bride?
(Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
ANYONE BUT MIKE TYSON
After an introduction, to whom can you safely say, "You mean, like the chicken?"
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney; Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
During his seventh interview with the police, with whom did Gary Condit finally admit he'd consider having an affair?
(Bett Parchert, Alexandria)
To whom would the expression "I'm all ears" be safely directed?
(David H. Balaban, Charlottesville)
CHRISTINE TOAD WHITMAN
What ex-governor do Republicans like, warts and all?
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney; Sandra Hull, Arlington)
For which member of a Republican administration is it not easy being green?
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington; Cathy Smith Caviness, Clifton)
Who jumps when Bush says jump?
(Stu Solomon, Springfield)
FASCISM, COMMUNISM AND SOFT-BOILED EGGS
Name three things that once were thought to be good for people.
(Maja Keech, New Carrollton)
What are three things that are best taken with a grain of salt?
(Phyllis Kepner, Columbia)
Name three things involving a yoke.
(Ted Einstein, Silver Spring)
What are three things that don't deserve more than three minutes of our attention?
(Pete Hughes, Alexandria)
WYNKEN, BLYNKEN AND GOD
Which fishermen got all the herring?
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney)
What is read to you just before the Really Big Sleep?
(Sue Lin Chong, Washington)
ZURICH, PARIS AND DUMFRIES
What cities are included in the "buy two, get one free" vacation package?
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
What cities are about six hours from Washington during the morning rush?
(Chris Doyle, Burke)
What cities are grouped together about as often as Bordeaux, Burgundy and Ovaltine?
(Russell Beland, Springfield)
ARIEL SHARON BUT NOT SHARON STONE
Who was always taught to keep their Knesset together?
(Sue Lin Chong, Washington)
Who absolutely forbids public inspection of their sensitive areas?
(Jerry Dunietz and Penni Meador, Rockville)
A HEART, A DART AND JEAN-PAUL SARTRE
What causes you to cry, get a bull's-eye, then wonder why?
(Jean Sorensen, Herndon)
What are three things that rhyme with "fartre"?
(Dave Zarrow, Herndon; Chris Doyle, Burke)
A MICRO-SOFTENER
What is it called when a female pygmy shrew says to a male pygmy shrew, "That's all you've got?"
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
What should you add to the water when you wash Windows?
(Chris Doyle, Burke)
BECAUSE IT IS FUNNY
Why is the nickname for Frances no longer Fanny?
(Cathy Shapleigh, Reston)