Week LXIII (396): April Foals


Breed GOING BOLDLY to NO EXCUSE NEEDED and name the foal RICH PARDON.

Breed DEVIL'S DANDY to DRIVE and name the foal ROUTE 666.

Breed ANIBAL to BIG TALKIN' MAN and name the foal ANIBAL LECTURE.

Breed DANTHEDEALMAKER to CAPTAIN MARTY and name the foal STILLNOSUPERBOWL

This week's contest was proposed, as it is proposed every year, by Mike "Mikey the Tout" Hammer of Herndon, who, as his nickname suggests, is a lifetime member of the New York Stock Exchange. Just kidding. He would never throw money away so irresponsibly. He does like horse racing, however. Around Kentucky Derby time, Mike supplies us with the names of all the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and suggests we mate any two and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. As always, you may ignore the genders of the horses, if -- like Mike -- you happen to know them. The full list of horses appears on page 3. First-prize winner gets a Nicole Miller-designed silk tie colorfully representing all the excitement of Derby Day. It is filled with horses and trophies and roses and tickets and saddles and women in silly hats. For an expensive designer silk tie, it is truly hideous. From the Tony Kornheiser collection. Value: $ 50.

First runner-up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-Shirt. The Uncle's Pick wins the shockingly ugly "The Uncle Loves Me" T-shirt. Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312; by e-mail to losers@washpost.com; or by U.S. mail to The Style Invitational, Week LV, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071. Deadline is Monday, April 16. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and a daytime or evening telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the subject field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Editors reserve the right to edit entries for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. The title of next week's contest was rewritten (below) by Russell Beland, Springfield, who thought up this extra little weekly competition because he just can't leave well enough alone.

REPORT FROM WEEK LIX (392), in which we asked you to substitute your own wording in a panel from the March 11 comics.

Second runner-up: [Kids making disgusted faces] "It's true! Diet Dr Pepper does taste the same as regular Dr Pepper!" ("Red and Rover", Kelly Hoffman, Fairfax)

First runner-up: [Husband to wife] "I can't dress like this every time your mother visits. Just tell her you have live-in boyfriend and be done with it." ("Zits", Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

And the winner of the sperm bank:

[Outside cave, bear bonks cat on head] "Alan Greenspan meets the 2001 stock market." ("Mutts", Drew Knoblauch, Falls Church)

Honorable Mentions:

[In bed, Kim] "Keep your hand to yourself!"
[Mike thinks] "I never should have married a bowling ball." [because her round black-haired head is all that's visible to him]
("Doonesbury", Chuck Smith, Woodbridge; Pamela Zilly, Cabin John)

[Man, as something crashed to the floor] "Hmmm, I thought we got the room ABOVE the honeymoon suite."
[Woman] " "
("Judge Parker", Steve Fahey, Kensington)

[Tank, to TV audience] "Wow, the XFL's creator is committing hara-kiri right on the field! That should get tonight's ratings up!" ("Tank McNamara", Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

[Mother, driving, thinking of the errands she has to run] [possibly child in back seat, as mother thinks] "And if something should be found . . . that one is not generally not accustomed to come across in scholarly writings, the reader must forgive my jocundity, just as I, in order to lighten the burden, sometimes sing at my work. '...Kierkegaard, The Concept of Irony'" ("The Family Circus", Drew Knoblauch, Falls Church)

[Mother, driving, thinking of the errands she has to run] "I'm Slim Shady, the real Slim Shady ..." ("The Family Circus, Mike Edwards, Manassas)

[Mother, driving, thinking of the errands she has to run] "I sure hope WE don't get moved to the business section." ("The Family Circus", Walter Webert, Bethesda)

[Father] "Look, Hillary, four aces ... is that good?"
[Child] "Good going, Dad. I almost had her entire Barbie collection." ("Sally Forth", Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

[Female shark, in cook's hat, as male shark starts to eat dinner] "I hope this aphrodisiac works--it's your cousin Morty's fin." ("Sherman's Lagoon", Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

[Server, to customer, as chef is looking under furniture, with cleaver] "The chef is still looking, but we seem to be running low on the All You Can Eat special. Can I interest you in the Half as Much as You Can Eat special?" ("That's Life", Russell Beland, Springfield)

[Server, to customer, as chef is looking under furniture, with cleaver] "The coq au vin is very fresh tonight, sir." ("That's Life", Chris Doyle, Burke)

[Two boys, each wearing "I'm With Stupid" shirts] "Bill Clinton and Jesse Jackson get together to discuss their post-election plans." ("Big Nate", Martin Ford, Clifton)

[Woman holding hand of American Indian] "Don't worry, Iron Eyes, I promise to keep America beautiful." ("Mary Worth", Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

[Boy in bed, thinking] "And when I grow up I'll publish my own magazine, and stay in my PJs all day, and sleep with lots of bunnies" ("Marvin", Russell Beland, Springfield)

[Pvt. Zero, typing (h/t to Bert Klimas for the ID [Ed.]] "Dear Senator: I am concerned about the feasibility of the Strategic Defense Initiative in view of the fact that we don't have computers yet." ("Beetle Bailey", Mike Genz, La Plata)

[Pvt. Zero, typing] "a s d f g h j k l ; ' z x c v b n m , . /" ("Beetle Bailey", Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

[Pvt. Zero, typing] "Dear sir: Please send back the bottom half of my face." ("Beetle Bailey", James Pierce, Charlottesville)

[Woman] "What's THAT?"
[Man, holding what looks like John Bobbitt's penis] "I dunno, I found it on the side of the road in Manassas." ("For Better or Worse", Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

[Leader of group struggling through the desert] "Dudes, I know we got a lousy hotel for spring break, but I swear, the beach parties are probably right over the next hill." ("Prince Valiant", Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

[Man thinking, while plowing behind oxen in the rain] "Note to self: Get 'Taxation Without Representation' plates for plow." ("Prince Valiant", Roy Ashley, Washington)

[Baldo finding magazine on store shelf] "The last place Baldo expected to see his father's picture was on the cover of Neonecropedophilia Today." ("Baldo", Niels Hoven, Camperdown, Australia)

[Hagar, pointing] "Hamlet, walk this way."
[Hamlet] "Daaaad, please! Vaudeville won't be invented for 900 years." ("Hagar the Horrible", Ervin Stembol, Alexandria)

The Uncle's Pick:

[Young male yokel] "I swear to thee by Cupid's strongest bow."
[Young female yokel] "Come, sit thee down upon this flow'ry bed while I kiss thy fair large ears." ("Barney Google and Snuffy Smith", Chris Doyle, Burke)

The Uncle Explains: How refreshing to experience the timeless beauty of a "Midsummer Night's Dream" in this pastoral setting without the expected (in this milieu) crude play on "bottom"!




April Foals: The Full List of Horse Names for The Style Invitational

A LIFE IN MUSIC

A P VALENTINE

A. P. TOPPER

ABDUCTION

ACCOUNTABLY

ACT OF REFORM

ACTION REQUEST

ACTIVATE

ADIOS MY FRIEND

ADVANTAGE POINT

AFFAIRINTHEFOREST

AGE OF EMPIRE

AIRY HILL

AL BARRAK

AL KHAASER

ALFAYIZ

ALMOSTASHAR

AMERICAN CENTURY

AMERICAN PASTIME

AMJAAD

ANBAR

ANIBAL

APACHE WINGS

ASLAAF

ASSMAR

ATLANTIS PRINCE

AUDIX

AWESOME POSSOME

BACOMA

BAIL OUT THE KING

BAKHOOR

BALLADO'S DEVIL

BALLECTIC DANCER

BALTO STAR

BANK

BANK STREET

BARNABUS

BASEBALL CHAMPION

BAT RUNNER

BAY EAGLE

BECKETT

BIANCO APPEAL

BIG BOSS MAN

BIG TALKIN MAN

BIG WILL

BILLS PAID

BLACK MINNALOUSHE

BLOW THE WORLD

BLUESBREAKER

BOHEMIAN GROVE

BONNARD

BONNIE SCOT

BRACKEN COUNTY

BROAD INITIATIVE

BUBBA'S COLORS

BUCKLE DOWN BEN

BURNING ROMA

BUTTERFLY BOY

CALSTER

CAPTAIN MARTY

CARSELAND

CARSON CITY LIMITS

CATHODE

CEE DEE

CELTIC SILENCE

CHAIRMAN A. P.

CHAMBALUTZ

CHARMING MICHAEL

CHEPO STAR

CHEROKEE BEAU

CITY ZIP

CLEAR EXCELLANCE

CLUTCH PLAYER

COKE'S TRIBUTE

COLONIST WILLS

COMIC GENIUS

COMPENDIUM

CONFLAGASION

CONGAREE

COPPER COUNTRY

CORAL KEY

CORPORATE SHUFFLE

CORRUPTION

COUNTTHREECHIMES

CRAFTY C. T.

CREDIT CRUNCH

CYANE'S THUNDER

D'WILDCAT

DANTHEDEALMAKER

DANZIG'S PEACE

DARING BID

DARING PEGASUS

DASH 'N DANCE

DATE MORE MINORS

DAUNTING

DAYTON FLYER

DEELITEFUL IRVING

DELICIOUS DEVIL

DELIGHTFUL MOMENT

DELTA WHEEL

DENIED

DEVIL'S DANDY

DEVILS ALITO

DIM SUMS

DISCREET HERO

DISTILLED

DIVINE HAMMER

DIVINE SPIRIT

DOLLAR BILL

DON'T QUIT ON ME

DR GREENFIELD

DREAM RUN

DREWMAN

DRIVE

DRUMCLIFF

DUALITY

DUBAI VISION

DUBAI WORLD

DUBAI TO DUBAI

DUPLICATE TICKET

DYNAMITE CAT

DYNAMIX

E DUBAI

EARLY FLYER

ELEVEN WEST

ELMO'S SONG

ELVIS REPUBLIC

EQUERRY

EXPRESS TOUR

FAITH'S WISH

FAN CLUB'S MISTER

FELIX PARK

FIERCELY

FIFTY STARS

FIGHTING BULL

FINDER

FIRST BOOK

FIRST SPEAR

FLAGS AT DAWN

FLEETSTREET DANCER

FLYING HERO

FREE THOUGHTS

FREUD

FRIDAY'S A COMIN'

FROLICUS

FULL SCALE

FULL OF WONDER

FUN MAKER

FUN AND SUN

GALILEO

GENERAL TIBBETS

GIFT OF THE EAGLE

GLENS GAMBLER

GLITTER'S ALONE

GLOBAL GAIT

GLORIOSO

GO UNDERGROUND

GOAL LINE

GOING BOLDLY

GOLD TRADER

GOLDEN TICKET

GOLDEN VICTORY

GOTHAM CITY

GREAT BLOOM

GREEK STAR

GRIFFINITE

GRIFTER

GULCH KING

HADRIAN'S WALL

HALO'S STRIDE

HANS ANDERSON

HARMONY LODGE

HAWKEYE

HELLCAT PILOT

HEMINGWAY

HERO'S TRIBUTE

HIGH CASCADE

HIGH COMMISSIONER

HISTORICAL MARKER

HOLIDAY THUNDER

HOMEM RA

HOOVERGETTHEKEYS

HORRIBLE EVENING

HOT RIFF

I LOVE SILVER

IDEAL CUT

IMPRESSIONIST

INCA MAJESTY

INDY LEAD

INDYGO SHINER

INSCRUTABLE

INVISIBLE INK

IPSYPIPSY

IRISH LURE

ISHIGURU

ISLEEMAILYOU

IT'S SO SIMPLE

IZZY BIGGS

JACK TO A KING

JACKPOT

JAMAICAN RUM

JENDALAWI

JOE'S SON JOEY

JUST ALLEN

KANANASKIS

KAZOO

KEATS

KEEPIN IT REAL

KENTUCKY SQUALL

KINETICS BOY

KING CHARLEMAGNE

KING SNAKE

KING'S COUNTY

KRIS HAVINGFUNNOW

LA LA'S PASSION

LAJEEF

LASERSPORT

LE GRANDE DANSEUR

LEARING AT KATHY

LETHAL AGENDA

LOADED BRUSH

LOIS'S LEGACY

LOV IN EXCESS

LUCAYAN CHIEF

LUCKY SCARAB

MACHO UNO

MAJESTIC SEA

MARCIANO

MARHOOB

MARK OF ROYALTY

MAROON CREEK

MASTER PLANNER

MATTA

MAX'S FRIEND

ME AND THEE

MEDIA MOGUL

MEDITERRANEAN

MEETYOUATHEBRIG

MERCENARY

MILAN

MILITARY TUNE

MILLENNIUM WIND

MINARDI

MISTER APPROVAL

MOISUISATOI

MONARCHOS

MONGOOSE

MOZART

MR NOTEBOOK

MR. DILLON

MR. JOHN

MT. BLAKE

MT. VIDMORE

MUCH TOO TOUGH

MUSKRAT RAMBLE

MY TWO SONS

NASHVILLE CAT

NAWAR

NELSON STREET

NEW PROGRAM

NINER'S ECHO

NO EXCUSE NEEDED

NORTHEND

NORTHERN POLE

NORWAY

NOVERRE

OFF CAMPUS

OLD KENTUCKY HOME

OMMADON

ON SABBATICAL

ONE FOR NICK

ONE SPECIAL JUDGE

ORIENTATE

OUR LIL AFFAIR

OUR SHINING HOUR

OUTOFTHEBOX

PAGING

PALADIUM PLAYER

PALMEIRO

PAPA M AND M

PARENTS' REWARD

PARTY TOWN

PEBBLE ISLAND

PERCY HOPE

PERIGEE MOON

PERSONABLE PETE

PETE SHURE

PETROV

PHONE RULER

PICCOLO PLAYER

PIRATE OF PENZANCE

PLATINUM TIARA

PLEASANT GAMBOL

PLEASANTLY PERFECT

POINT GIVEN

PRIVATE SON

PROCREATE

PROJECT HOPE

PROMISED PROSPECT

PROSPECTOR'S GIFT

PROUD MAN

PROUD TOWER

PURE PRIZE

PYRUS

QAWAQEB

QUICK RIB

QUINARY

QUITE CARELESS

RACE ON GREEN

RAHY'S SECRET

RAVEN KING

RECREATION

RED ANTICS

RED BOX

RED JARED

RED'S HONOR

RING IT UP

RIVER GOD

ROCK SLIDE

ROCKY FALLS

ROMANCEISHOPE

ROMANTIC BULL

ROMOLO'S FRITZI

ROUGH HOUSE

RUDE CAT

RUNNING BRUSH

RUSSIAN MYSTERY

SAINT DAMIEN

SAINT IZZY

SAINT VERRE

SAINTS AND ANGELS

SAM LORD'S CASTLE

SAN PEDRO

SATURDAY IN MAY

SAVED BY THE SWORD

SCORPION

SEA TO SEE

SECRET PRO

SEEKING DAYLIGHT

SELSAAL

SENATOR RUBY

SHAKE THE DICE

SHE'S A DEVIL DUE

SHIFT RIGHT

SHIP SHAPE

SHORE BREEZE

SIGNORE PASQUALE

SILVER SPEAR

SILVERTONGUE FOX

SIR ROCK

SIZZLING

SKY HUNTER

SKY OF GOLD

SLEWSTON

SLIGO BAY

SMOOTH WOOD

SNAKE MOUNTAIN

SO URGENT

SOLITARY VISION

SONGANDAPRAYER

SOUND AFFECTS

SPECIAL SAINT

SPECTACULAR CAT

SPEIGHTSTOWN

SQUIRTLE SQUIRT

STABLE SECRET

STANDING APPLAUSE

STANLEY B

STARTAC

STEAMBOAT

STEINERS BABY GIRL

STORM BRUSH

STORM CRAFT

STREET CRY

STREET PLAYER

STRIKE IT SMART

SWEET RICKY

SWING LORD

SZEP

TALK IS MONEY

TEE CAT

TESIO

TEXAS SCRAMBLE

THE GOO

THERE'S ZEALOUS

THESIS

THIS FLEET IS DUE

THRILLION

THUNDER BLITZ

THUNDER BULL

TIGER TRAP

TIME TO JET

TONY'S LOC

TOPDOWN

TOUCH TONE

TRAILTHEFOX

TRIBUTE TOTHE FARM

TRU BULL

TURNBERRY ISLE

TURNER'S HALL

ULTRAVASE

UNBRIDLED MAN

UNBRIDLED TIME

UNBRIDLED VISION

UNCOMMON

[ UNNAMED-1]

UNPRECEDENTED

UNREAL PARTY

UNTIL SUNDOWN

UNUS MARTAN

VERDI

VICECHAIRMEN

VICTORY ROAR

VINNIE ROE

VOLPONI

VOODOO

VROOM VROOM

WAASED

WARLEIGH

WATCHING

WEST ORDER

WESTON FIELD

WHAT'S YOUR WISH

WHEAT PENNY

WICKED WILL

WILD HITS

WILD SUMMER

WILD YEARS

WINDOW B

WINDSOR CASTLE

WIRES

WITHOUT PRETENSE

WORTH SPRINGS

WOW

YIFLAN

YOU KNOW WHO

ZARPA