Week XV (348): When We're LXIV
Formats:
1. Write a short poem about . . .
2. Write an analogy or metaphor related to . . .
3. Design a slogan or aphorism involving . . .
4. Write a funny sentence beginning with "Did you ever wonder why . . ." with respect to . . .
Subjects:
A. An undergarment
B. NAFTA and its relationship to pending
minimum wage legislation
C. A household appliance
D. A 19th-century event
Limitations:
(i) that is written in the style of a famous author.
(ii) that contains an unfortunate factual error.
(iii) that would absolutely enrage Marisleysis Gonzalez.
(iv) that employs a clever double-entendre.
This Week's Contest was suggested by Russ Beland of Springfield. It is really 64 contests in one, because there are 64 ways to win. You have to fashion an entry by selecting one from each menu group above. For example, the following takes the path 1-C-(iv): Toast should be made like lovin'/ Not half-baked, but aroused, I find/ So I use no toaster oven/ I prefer the pop-up kind. Make sure you indicate the path you took. First-prize winner gets a Buck Grunt Call, a fine hunting device that advertises that it "can be adjusted to imitate the fawn bleat." This is worth $ 15.
First runner-up wins the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up win the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. The Uncle's Pick wins the yet-to-be designed but soon-to-be-coveted "The Uncle Loves Me" T-shirt. Send your entries via fax to 202-334-4312, or by e-mail to losers@washpost.com, or by U.S. mail to The Style Invitational, Week XV, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071. Deadline is Monday, May 15. All entries must include the week number of the contest and your name, postal address and a daytime or evening telephone number. E-mail entries must include the week number in the message field. Contests will be judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Editors reserve the right to edit entries for taste or content. Results will be published in four weeks. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes.
REPORT FROM WEEK XI (344), in which we gave you the names of 387 horses and asked you to mate any two and name the foal. As always with this contest, there were a hellishly large number of entries; it is possible that you may not have been credited for an entry similar, or even identical, to one that is published. If you feel you have been cheated, there is a simple procedure to follow: Take your original entry, time-stamp it, put it in an envelope, sign your name across the seal on the back flap, and mail it to yourself. That way you will have Proof on the day of Final Reckoning.
* Seventh Runner-Up:
Mate ORATION with OVERDONE and name the foal HOARSE. (Laura Bennett Peterson, Washington)
* Sixth Runner-Up:
Mate IMPEACHMENT with NAVAL HERO and name the foal JOHN PAULA JONES. (Chris Doyle, Burke)
* Fifth Runner-Up:
Mate INDIANA AFFAIR with BUBBLIN B'S BABY and name the foal HOOSIER DADDY.
(Brian Butler, Laurel)
* Fourth Runner-Up:
Mate INNER HARBOR with HUGH HEFNER and name the foal BALTIMORE AREOLAS. (Jim Bradsaw, North Beach, Md.)
* Third Runner-Up:
Mate WILLIAMTHENCHA with SMOKIN BULL and name the foal BULL HE DID INHALE.
(Carolyn Dikranis, Clifton)
* Second Runner-Up:
Mate COSINE with SUN CHARM and name the foal A TAN GENT. (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)
* First Runner-Up:
Mate COSINE with MORTAL CINCH and name the foal HYPOTENOOSE.
(Martin Bredeck, Community, Va.)
* And the winner of the presidential plate:
Mate MILWAUKEE BREW with SILVER BLUR and name the foal PABST SMEAR.
(T.J. Murphy, Arlington)
* Honorable Mentions:
Mate ONE MEAN KISS with MR GILEAD and name the foal LIP BALM. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Mate CHAIRMAN with STRIKE SMARTLY and name the foal ALAN GREENSPANK.
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
Mate ALISON'S TRICK with MEL N DAVE and name the foal HONEYDO MEL N.
(Storm Marvel, Columbia)
Mate ELITE MERCEDES with PICKUPSPEED and name the foal BENZEDRINE. (Chris Doyle, Burke)
Mate CENTURIAN MAN with MILLENIUM MAN and name the foal MAN '00 MAN.
(David Genser, Arlington)
Mate TWILIGHT CHARMER with SILVER TYCOON and name the foal ROD STERLING.
(Richard Jones, Washington)
Mate BERNSTEIN with MILITARY ACADEMY and name the foal WEST POINT STORY.
(Lloyd Duvall, Roslyn, Pa.)
Mate HOUSE BURNER with BRILLIANCE and name the foal ARSON WELLES.
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington; Russ Beland, Springfield)
Mate HOUSE BURNER with TOREDOWN and name the foal EDIFICE WRECKS.
(Laura Bennett Peterson, Washington)
Mate BRUSHEDBYTHEBEST with COCONUT WILLY and name the foal KATHLEEN WILLEY.
(Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
Mate GLOBAL THREAT with UNBRIDLED FURY and name the foal ACID REIN. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
Mate COSINE with MORTAL CINCH and name the foal EASY AS PI. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
Mate GUN POWER with THE POSEUR and name the foal CHARLATAN HESTON. (Chris Doyle, Burke)
Mate UBIQUITY with PANNER and name the foal EVERYONES A CRITIC. (Chris Doyle, Burke)
Mate LONG TERM INVESTOR with BACH and name the foal WALL STREET BAROQUER.
(Chris Doyle, Burke)
Mate ON THE FAN with TURNOFTHECENTURY and name the foal FAN DE SIECLE. (Chris Doyle, Burke)
Mate HURRICANE CARTER with WOODEN PHONE and name the foal CELL PHONE.
(Laura Bennett Peterson, Washington)
Mate HEMISPHERE DANCER with MAESTRO'S DEBUT and name the foal SEMICONDUCTOR. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
Mate CHAUCER'S TALE with MILWAUKEE BREW and name the foal MILLER LITE'S TALE.
(Steve Fahey, Kensington)
Mate HEMISPHERE DANCER with DUE NORTH and name the foal LAPLAND DANCER.
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Mate JEDI TEDDY with DIS CARR BE FAST and name the foal YODA MAN. (David Genser, Arlington)
Mate STRIKE SMARTLY with DAVID COPPERFIELD and name the foal HURTLIKETHEDICKENS.
(Susan Reese, Arlington)
Mate GO LIB GO with HUGH HEFNER and name the foal GO LIBIDO. (John Kammer, Herndon)
Mate WOOD AND PLENTY with UNRECORDED and name the foal ROSE MARY WOODS.
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington; Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
Mate SAINT JOSEPH with SIGN OF FIRE and name the foal HOLY SMOKE.
(Jack Mulford, Bunker Hill, W.Va.)
Mate HOOVER TOWER with MOUNT DISCOVERY and name the foal EUREKA.
(Laura Bennett Peterson, Washington)
Mate CHAUCER'S TALE with CHEROKEE PROSPECT and name the foal CANTERBURYMYHEART.
(Matthew LaFlamme, Washington)
Mate INTERROGATE with COLONEL HARLAN and name the foal GRILLED CHICKEN.
(Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)
Mate EPITAPH with CHEROKEE PROSPECTS and name the foal GRAVE RESERVATIONS.
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
Mate HARLAN TRAVELER with SAINT JOSEPH and name the foal ROAMIN' CATHOLIC.
(Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
Mate DETOQUEVILLE with ROLLIN WITH NOLAN and name the foal ROLLIN A JOINT.
(Michael J. Hammer, Arlington)
Mate SAVIOR with BARRIER and name the foal GOD DAM. (Russ Beland, Springfield)
Mate COLONIAL BOY with QUIET RHAPSODY and name the foal TREMAINE CALM.
(Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)
Mate HADES with TRICKY TWIGS and name the foal THE RIVER STICKS. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
Mate EXCHANGE RATE with ROSSINI and name the foal BARTER OF SEVILLE.
(Jerry Pannullo, Kensington)
Mate DEVIL'S KING with COSINE and name the foal HELL'S ANGLES. (Greg Koppenhoefer, Towson)
Mate HUGH HEFNER with RETALIATION and name the foal TIT FOR TAT.
(Martin Bredeck, Community, Va.)
Mate TOTAL ANILATION with ANSWER MY KISS to produce ARMAGEDDON IT ON.
(Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)
Mate CAPO DI CAPO with ELITE MERCEDES and name the foal MOB RUEHL.
(Steven Krauss, Round Lake)
Mate DIS CARR BE FAST with MILWAUKEE BREW and name the foal DIS CARR BE TOTALED.
(Robert Duffy, Potomac)
Mate DAVID COPPERFIELD with WOOD AND PLENTY and name the foal SCHIFFERMETIMBERS. (Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington)
* The Uncle's Pick:
Mate STOKES with TENDER OFFER and name the foal WEDDING RING. (Sally Stokes, Silver Spring)
(The Uncle Explains: There can be no more "tender offer" indeed than the offer of one's hand in holy matrimony, an offer Sam Stokes made to Sally in 1988. She accepted and theirs is a bond that remains firm to this day, family values reinforced by love and, quite evidently, splendid senses of humor.)
Next Week: Picture This