Week 306: Youngian Therapy


The Capitol Rotunda: Tuesdays are "Echo Day." It's a scream!

Washington Monument: A two-minute elevator ride to the top, a three-second bungee drop down.

Ford's Theatre: Balcony paintball tag.

The Washington Post: A revised front page.

This Week's Contest was suggested by Kevin Cuddihy of Fairfax, who wins a wooden fraternity-type butt paddle purchased on the New Jersey Turnpike in 1954. Kevin sent us a ticked-off letter responding to the Week 303 contest, the results of which are published below. It's about baby boomers. Kevin writes that the contest discriminates against young people like him: "Of course Chuck Smith and Elden Carnahan are going to win," Kevin notes respectfully, "because they are old farts." Kevin feels that The Style Invitational is written by, and for, doddering fools. As far as we are concerned, Kevin is a hooligan who ought to be horsewhipped, by cracky. However, we have to admit he may have a point. Not long ago, in a contest involving song titles, some of the winning tunes were not entirely contemporary, such as 'Mairzy Doats.' Anyway, this week's contest is to suggest ways in which The Style Invitational or any other Washington area institution can become more relevant to younger people -- say, to post-boomers. The first-prize winner gets a plastic Latrell Sprewell NBA dashboard doll, donated to the Style Invitational by Charlie Steinhice of Chattanooga. The doll was purchased for $ 1.99, but we are declaring its value to be $ 32,000. This is because, in the corner of the package, it says in little letters: "Caution: Choking Hazard." Charlie wins a lollipop with a real cricket embedded inside.

First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 306, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071; fax them to 202-334-4312; or submit them via Internet to this address: losers@washpost.com. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Also, please do not append "attachments," which tend not to be read. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Feb. 1. Important: Please include your postal address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. Today's Box No One Needs was written by Jonathan Paul of Garrett Park. Employees of The Washington Post and members of their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 303, in which you were asked to come up with old and new concerns for people of the baby boom generation.

Fifth Runner-Up --

Then: Paar.
Now: AARP. (Ralph Scott, Washington)

Fourth Runner-Up --

Then: Being caught with Hustler magazine.
Now: Being caught by Hustler magazine. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

Third Runner-Up --

Then: Killer weed.
Now: Weed killer.

(John B. McElhatton, Vienna)

Second Runner-Up --

Then: Hoping for a BMW.
Now: Hoping for a BM.

(Barry Blyveis, Columbia)

First Runner-Up --

Then: The Grateful Dead.
Now: Dr. Kevorkian.

(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

And the winner of a fine plastic floral arrangement:

Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
Now: Getting a new hip joint. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Honorable Mentions:

Then: Moving to California because it's cool.
Now: Moving to California because it's hot. (Larry Phillips, Falls Church)

Then: Being called to the principal's office.
Now: Storming into the principal's office.

(Kelli Midgley-Biggs, Columbia)

Then: (The peace symbol)
Now: (The Benz symbol)

(Brian Broadus, Charlottesville)

Then: O.J., cutting and slashing.
Now: O.J., cutting and slashing.

(Jim Thelen, W. Nyack, N.Y.)

Then: Getting your head stoned.
Now: Getting your headstone.

(Bella Portillo, Silver Spring)

Then: "The Making of the President."
Now: The making of the president.

(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Then: "Going blind."
Now: Really going blind.

(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Then: Long hair.
Now: Longing for hair.

(Marianne Jemiano, Beltsville)

Then: Acid rock.
Now: Acid reflux.

(Kathy and Brian Hollen, Leesburg; Bobbie Miller, Laytonsville; Bill Hole, Silver Spring)

Then: Obsessing over your PSAT scores.
Now: Obsessing over your PSA scores.

(Marcy Alvo, Annandale)

Then: Worrying about no one coming to your party.
Now: Worrying about no one coming to your funeral.

(Barry Blyveis, Columbia)

Then: President Johnson.
Now: The president's johnson.

(J. Larry Schott, Gainesville)

Then: Fighting to get rid of the lying president.
Now: Fighting to keep the lying president.

(Jason Zweiback, Livermore, Calif.)

Then: The perfect high.
Now: The perfect high-yield mutual fund.

(Steve Krauss, Danbury, Conn.)

Then: Elvis in the army.
Now: Elvis in a UFO.

(Russ Beland, Springfield)

Then: Keg.
Now: EKG.

(Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

Then: Swallowing acid.
Now: Swallowing antacid.

(Ted Allen, Bethesda; Sandra Hull, Arlington; Stuart McKinnon, Ellicott City)

Then: You're growing pot.
Now: Your growing pot.

(Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

Then: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your folks.
Now: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your kids.

(Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

(Douglas Olson, Laurel)

Then: Passing the driving test.
Now: Passing the vision test.

(Douglas Olson, Laurel)

Then: Seeds and stems.
Now: Roughage.

(Ellen Hill, Kensington)

Then: Popping pills, smoking joints.
Now: Popping joints.

(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Then: Whatever ...
Now: Depends.

(Rebecca Plunkett, San Antonio)

Then: "Off the pig."
Now: "No bacon, please, I am watching my cholesterol."

(Rebecca Plunkett, San Antonio)

Then: Ommmm.
Now: Um ...

(Ralph Scott, Washington)

Then: Our president's struggle with Fidel.
Now: Our president's struggle with fidelity.

(Ralph Scott, Washington)

Then: Catching rays.
Now: Raising cats.

(Paul Whittemore, Gaithersburg)

Then: Getting shot down in a U2.
Now: Getting shot down on F2.

(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

And Last:

Then: Changing the world.
Now: Nailing the "And Last" in the Style Invitational.

(David Salzman, Chevy Chase)

Next Week: Time of The Signs