Week 271: Yogi Bearer
"It ain't over till it's over."
"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."
"You can observe a lot just by watching."
"Baseball is 90 percent mental, and the other half is physical."
"Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore. It's too crowded."
This week's contest: All of the above quotes are attributed to Yogi Berra. In honor of Yogi's new book, "I Never Said All the Things I Said," John W. Manley of Alexandria suggests that you come up with new Yogi-isms. The thing that makes a Yogi-ism work is that it seems to make sense, but collapses like a souffle when you poke it a little. John wins a dollar bill hereby assessed as a fine upon Niels Hoven of Silver Spring, in punishment for whining about not receiving a prize for a previous contest proposal. Niels must mail the buck directly to John, or suffer the consequences. First-prize winner receives "Are You Hungry Tonight?" an elegant hardcover book featuring Elvis's favorite recipes, including "burnt bacon and mustard sandwiches," macaroni and cheese, kale and cheese, potato cheese soup, cheeseburgers, and, finally, bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches with, of course, "cheese." This is worth $ 20.
First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week 271, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071; fax them to 202-334-4312; or submit them via Internet to this address: loserswashpost.com. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Also, please do not append "attachments," which tend not to be read. Entries must be received on or before Monday, June 1. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. Today's Sign No One Heeds was written by Elden Carnahan of Laurel. Employees of The Washington Post and members of their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.
Report from Week 268, in which you were asked to mate two of this year's Triple Crown nominee horses, and propose a name for their foal.
Many names proved too easy: Any entry linking Broad Jumper to Bill Clinton, or Solid Wood to Viagra, was summarily eliminated.
Fourth Runner-Up: Mate Dance Brightly with Carnivorous Habit and name the foal
Joffrey Dahmer. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
Third Runner-Up: Mate Mark the Moment with P Day and name the foal
Mark the Territory. (John Kammer, Herndon)
Second Runner-Up: Clone Dublin Gene and name the foal
Dublin Gene. (Russ Beland, Springfield)
First Runner-Up: Mate Mark the Moment with Rubiyat and name the foal RubiyatOfOMarkIAm. (George Alan Esworthy and Carl Meredith, Cary, N.C.)
And the winner of the musical panties: Mate Skeaping with Real Quiet and name the foal Susan McDougal. (Chris Kaufman, Lanham)
Honorable Mentions:
Mate Doc Martin with Comic Strip and name the foal Don Martin. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Mate Impressionist with Carnivorous Habit and name the foal Edvard Munch.
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
Mate Expressionist with Buff and name the foal Exhibitionist. (Randall Kunkel, Dale City; Harold Mantle, Darnestown)
Mate Real Quiet with Treasury and name the foal Hush Money. (Julie Brinkman, Gaithersburg)
Mate Satanta with Classic Cat and name the foal Satanta Claws. (Jose Cortina, Centreville)
Mate Impressionist with I'll Play These and name the foal Mary Cassette. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
Mate Dublin Gene with Fleet Admiral and then Solid Wood and name the foal Mick Fleetwood. (Jose Cortina, Centreville)
Mate Fargo with Real Quiet and name the foal Coen of Silence. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Mate Reraise with Here Comes Charlie and name the foal Viagra. (Ed Dymula, Walkersville)
Mate Bush's Boy with Impressionist and name the foal Clod Monet. (Jose Cortina, Centreville)
Mate P Day with Poolman and name the foal P in Da Pool. (Larry Phillips, Olney; Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
Mate Zonker with Sand Ridge and name the foal Dunesbury. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)
Mate Leave a Legacy with Sir Jordan and name the foal Heir Jordan. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
Mate Top Cop with Just Call Me Girl and name the foal J. Edgar. (Russ Beland, Springfield)
Mate Gunny Sarge with Firing Battery and name the foal Gunny Sacked.
(Mary Lee Fox Roe, Mount Kisco, N.Y.)
Mate Search Me with Titus and name the foal Cavity Search. (Sandra Hull, Arlington)
Mate Captain Hook with Tramp Harbor and name the foal Captain Hooker.
(Mary Lee Fox Roe, Mount Kisco, N.Y.)
Mate Fire in the Hole with Allen's Oop and name the foal Burns and Allen. (T.J. Murphy, Arlington)
Mate Bright Nova with Call to Order and name the foal Bagel n Lox to Go. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)
Mate Wallace with Accelerated Time and name the foal 50 Minutes. (Mike Hammer, Washington)
Mate Shamrock City with Buff and name the foal Erin Go Braghless. (Larry Marcus, Avon)
Mate Time Limit with Two O'Clock Rock and name the foal One O'Clock Viagra.
(Sandra Hull, Arlington)
Mate Orville n Wilburs with Spring Clearance and name the foal Wrights of Spring.
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
Mate Eetoo with Macho Amigo and name the foal Eetoo Brute. (Larry Marcus, Avon)
Mate Hez a Keeper with Make No Mistake and name the foal He Is a Keeper. (Russ Beland, Springfield)
Mate Snowbound with Liquid Gold and name the foal Yellow Snow. (Bob Cramer, Annapolis; Russ Beland, Springfield)
Mate Gambino with Early Warning and name the foal Cosa Nostradamus. (Chip Pfaller, Arlington)
Mate Tricky Mizwaki with Not Tricky and name the foal Mizwaki. (Ned Bent, Herndon)
Mate Besttobeabachelor with Tramp Harbor and name the foal Besttowearacondom.
(John Kammer, Herndon)
Mate Impressionist with Rock and Roll and name the foal Monet Monet.
(Russell W. Beland, Springfield)
Mate Pulzar with Wind Quest and name the foal Pulz My Finger. (Dave Garratt, Greenbelt)
Mate Carnivorous Habit with Heart Surgeon and name the foal Eat Your Heart Out.
(Baylen Linnekin, Washington)
Mate Sydney Harbor with Cat Doctor and name the foal Aussie n Herriot. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
Mate Fire in the Hole with Cure the Devil and name the foal Preparation H. (Ellen Cotter, Birmingham, Ala.)
Mate Middlesex Drive with Here Comes Charlie and name the foal Viagra. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
Mate Carnivorous Habit with Search Me and name the foal Bite Me. (John Kammer, Herndon)
Mate P Day with Allen's Oop and name the foal Poop. (Dave Garratt, Greenbelt)
Mate Besttobeabachelor with Allen's Oop and name the foal Woody Weds Soon-Yi.
(Dave Zarrow, Herndon)
Mate Swig with Heart Surgeon and name the foal Malpractice. (Jessica Henig, Takoma Park)
Mate Impressionist with Fire in the Hole and name the foal Artsy Fartsy. (Bruce McNeill, Vienna)
Next Week: Signs, and the Times