Week 244: Hyphen the Terrible


ad-cast: n. A disreputable radio practice where local disc jockeys yammer on conversationally about how good a certain product is, without disclosing they've been paid to say it.

prac-fare: n. The student-designed menu at a cooking school. Often contains ambitious but idiotic combinations of ingredients, such as trout in chocolate sauce.

smok-ceiving: adj. Medical term describing the deleterious effect on the lungs of a school-child who inadvisedly enters a teachers' lounge at noon.

This Week's Contest: Coin new words, and provide a definition, by combining the first half of a hyphenated word from any story in today's Post with the second half of another hyphenated word in the same story. Indicate which story your words were taken from. The examples above came from today's Miss Manners column. First-prize winner receives a genuine vintage Princess rotary phone, circa 1970, a value of $ 50.

First runner-up gets the tacky but estimable Style Invitational Loser's Pen. Other runners-up receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser's T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week 244, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071; fax them to 202-334-4312; or submit them via Internet to this address: losersaccess.digex.net. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Nov. 24. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. And it came to pass that The Czar looked upon all that he had wrought, and he saw that it was Good. He smote the Faerie, and it was Good. He defied the Philistines, and it was Good. Now if he can just get out of the Garden of Elden. Next Week: Susan Faludi ear credit. Employees of The Washington Post, and members of their immediate families, are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 241, in which we asked you to come up with newspaper headline sportsverbs to describe the defeat of one professional team by another.

Many people were disappointed that we did not include college teams; they had some notion of a headline involving the Gamecocks and the Trojans.

With 15,000 entries, there were many excellent headlines that were too popular to make prize winners. They included Power Corrupts Senators, Mercury Poisons Dolphins, Nuggets Elude 49ers, Senators Take the Bucks, Senators Pass the Bucks, Flames Roast Ducks, Islanders Survive Hurricanes, Senators Blacklist Reds, Monarchs Abuse Power, Penguins Overcome by Heat, Hurricanes Knock Out Power, Cardinals Beat-ify Saints, and our favorite among these, Senators Off Rockers.

And several people suggested some variant of REDSKINS BEAT COWBOYS, 55-3, not because it was funny but because they just, you know, liked the sound of it.

Seventh Runner-Up: Chargers Max Out Cards (Mike Hammer, Washington)

Sixth Runner-Up: Bears Raze Cubs (Jose Cortina, Centreville)

Fifth Runner-Up: Crafty Yankees Hand-Carve Rockers (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Fourth Runner-Up: Blues Marooned by Reds (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

Third Runner-Up: Rockers Lack Talent to Handle Jazz (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Second Runner-Up: Detroit Embarrassed by Pacers (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

First Runner-Up: Brewers Flattened by Bad Hops (Charlie Myers, Laurel; Steve Fahey, Kensington)

And the winner of the vintage Pee-wee Herman talking doll:

Jets Bomb Mariners; Sharks Devour Crew (David Genser, Arlington)

Honorable Mentions:

Broncos Roll Slowly Over Los Angeles (Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Canadiens Extradite Dodgers

(Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

Pacers Throw Pistons (Mike Jarvis, Fairfax)

Rangers Stun Bears (Mike Genz, La Plata)

Broncos Come From Behind, Take Phillies (David Genser, Arlington)

76ers Too Much for 49ers

(Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park; Ashley Gum, Herndon)

Red Sox Make Penguins Look Foolish

(Noah Meyerson, Washington)

Vikings Beat Columbus

(J.F. Martin, Hoover, Ala.; Dan Unger, Gaithersburg)

Senators Enjoy Power Lunch

(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Bears Drop Nuggets

(Russ Beland, Springfield)

Bills Overwhelm Chargers

(Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Senators Nabbed by Sting

(Barry Blyveis, Columbia)

Monarchs Caught in Charlotte's Web

(Susan Reese, Arlington)

United Grounds Jets

(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Senators Can't Handle Press,

Overcome by Rage (Jose Cortina, Centreville)

Jaguars Outclass Pacers

(Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

Pistons Over Heat (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Flyers Poop on Jets' Beverage Cart

(Elaine Carmichael, Manassas)

Flames Lick Atlanta

(Sandra Hull, Arlington)

Wiz Take Pistons

(Stephen R. Mundt, Arlington)

Pirates Cannonize Saints

(Paul Oberg, Silver Spring)

Nets Strangle Dolphins

(Rebecca Eisenhour, Silver Spring)

Bills End Chargers' Spree

(Scott Boller, Arlington)

Canucks Humiliate Canadiens

(Walter Ludwig, Takoma Park)

In Coup on Court, Clippers Shave Bucks (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Ducks Marinated (Becky Dimon, Bethesda)

Red Sox Run All Over White Sox

(Gene Laughridge, Fort Belvoir)

Columbus Plunders Indians

(Lucian Niemeyer, Alexandria)

Patriots Intercept Rockets

(Matt Brody, Fairfax)

Lasers Perform Cosmetic

Surgery on Stars (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

Slow Burn Yields to Rage

(Phil Herr, Olney)

Cardinals Forced to Obey Bulls

(Josh Calder, Washington)

Redskins Wop Canucks; Next, Face Expansion Honkie Freeloaders

(John Verba, Washington)

Padres Hit on Penguins

(J.F. Martin, Hoover, Ala.)

Battered Marlins Fried by Heat

(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Rockers Overdose on Reds

(Paul Styrene, Olney)

Ducks Lick Bills

(Andrew M. Cohn, Springfield)

Revolution Turns Kings

Into Nervous Rex (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Next Week: Sacred Cow Pies