Week 219: Verbosity
"So do you think Dole would have won if he had Newted more?"
"Let's meet in the morning and bagel on it."
"I suggest you Zippo the Jacobsen file before the SEC gets a hold of it."
"Listen, Rita, tell Mark I'll be chaising here till three-ish."
"The subway car was full, but he lowered his head and New Yorked his way on."
This Week's Contest was suggested by the Rev. David K. Delaney, a Lutheran minister from Roanoke.He wins a photograph of an elephant pooping. David is fed up with the Washington-influenced trend of creating verbs out of nouns -- to "Bork," to "broker," to "impact," to "network," etc. David is particularly distressed with the new Kinko's slogan: "Kinko's -- The New Way to Office." He suggests that you come up with a new, even more obnoxious, self-conscious faux verb and use it in a sentence. First prize winner gets an incredible Rosalynn Carter transparent-glob paperweight, circa 1977. It is worth $ 37.
Runners-up, as always, receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser's T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week 219, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312 or submit them via Internet to this address: losersaccess.digex.net. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, June 2. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced three weeks from today. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. The Faerie of the Fine Print & the Ear No One Reads wishes to thank Russell Beland of Springfield for today's Ear No One Reads. Employees of the Washington Post, and members of their immediate families, are not eligible for prizes.
Report from Week 216, in which we printed the names of all 400 horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and asked you to pair them up and name their foal.
But first, from the mail bag, a letter from Phil Frankenfeld of Washington, who sent us a clipping from an Associated Press story that the superstar racehorse Cigar had failed to impregnate any mares. Phil appended a note. "Sometimes," he wrote dryly, "a cigar is just a cigar." As always, this contest produced 15,000-plus entries, including more than 400 from Mary Lee Fox Roe of Mount Kisco, N.Y. Mount Kisco is apparently the home of the world-renowned Roe Clinic for Treatment of Obsessive-Compulsive Obsessive-Compulsive Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders.
Seventh Runner-Up --
Breed White Bronco with Rimsky Korsakov and name the foal Bumbling Flight.
(J. Neil Killalea, Falls Church)
Sixth Runner-Up --
Breed Unexpected Gift with Wrightwood and name the foal SoWouldNewt.
(Jack Shreve, Kensington)
Fifth Runner-Up --
Breed Richter Scale with Hot Porridge and name the foal Quaker Oats.
(Joseph Romm, Washington; Russ Beland, Springfield)
Fourth Runner-Up --
Breed Jack at the Bank with Thisnearlywasmine and name the foal Marlene Got Jack.
(Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)
Third Runner-Up --
Breed Ghost Ranch with Tale of the Cat and name the foal Boo Hiss.
(Kim Martin, Ebensburg, Pa.)
Second Runner-Up --
Breed Emailit with Imgreektoo and name the foal Imgeektoo.
(Mary Lee Fox Roe, Mount Kisco, N.Y.)
First Runner-Up --
Breed The Toy Man with Hail the Hero and name the foal F.A.O. Schwartzkopf.
(Susan Reese, Arlington)
And the winner of the Donald Trump game:
Breed Yeti with White Bronco and name the foal Abominable Slowman.
(Larry Marcus, Avon, Conn.)
Honorable Mentions:
Breed Traitor with Fly With Eagles and name the foal Ostrich Ames. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Breed Hail the Hero with The King of Swing and name the foal Hail Bop. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
Breed Jack Flash with Repeat and name the foal Gas Gas Gas. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Breed Wild Wonder with Twin Spires and name the foal WonderBra. (Mary Lee Fox Roe, Mount Kisco, N.Y.)
Breed Pourmeacoldone with Repeat and name the foal Callmeacab. (Greg Arnold, Herndon; Andrew C. Boothby, Richmond)
Breed Excellent Secret with Ordway and name the foal Pig Latin. (Joseph Romm, Washington)
Breed Traigo de Todo with Funontherun and name the foal Run Todo Run. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
Breed Knee Hi in Wheat with Hoop It Up and name the foal Crop Circles. (Connie P. Turner, Sun City, Ariz.)
Breed In CC's Honor with Dr. Spine and name the foal Epidural. (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)
Breed Keep It Strait with Take a Gamble and name the foal Inside Strait. (Ken Stanghagen, Washington)
Breed Jack Flash with Testafly and name the foal Jack the Zipper. (Tommy Litz, Bowie)
Breed Balcony with Joliet Jake and name the foal Romeo and Joliet. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Breed Take the Wind with Thatsusintheolbean and name the foal Downwind Please. (Ward Thomas, Burtonsville)
Breed Twin Spires with Early Release and name the foal Dolly Pardon. (Alex Neill, Washington)
Breed Get Smart with Thatsusintheolbean and name the foal MaxwellHouseCoffee. (Joseph Romm, Washington)
Breed Shammy Davis with Hero's Partner and name the foal Frank Shinatra. (Russ Beland, Springfield)
Breed White Hot with Affair With Peaches and name the foal Warm and Fuzzy. (Mary Lee Fox Roe, Mount Kisco, N.Y.)
Breed Act of Defiance with Snow Birdie and name the foal Flip the Birdie. (Mary Lee Fox Roe, Mount Kisco, N.Y.)
Breed Creditor with Capture the Gold and name the foal CapturetheGoldCard. (John Kammer, Herndon)
Breed Glitter Woman with Willing Jolie and name the foal Zsa Zsa. (Mary Lee Fox Roe, Mount Kisco, N.Y.)
Breed Easy Climb with Mantovani and name the foal Elevator Music (Michael J. Hammer, Washington; Susan Reese, Arlington)
Breed Fourth and Six with What a Claim and name the foal Consensual Sex. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)
Breed Billingsly with Blade Ae and name the foal Mrs. Cleaver. (Tommy Litz, Bowie)
Breed Monk's Corner with Gun Fight and name the foal Thelonious Assault. (Michael J. Hammer, Washington)
Breed Jules with Surely a Devil and name the foal La Verne n Surely. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
Breed Just About with Hello and name the foal Hell. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)
Breed Spanish Fighter with Fourth and Six and name the foal Punts De Leon. (Russ Horner, Arlington)
Breed Presidents Decree with Testafly and name the foal PaulasGotaCase (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)
Breed Pitkin County with Y'All Can and name the foal Marry Yer Sister. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)
Next Week: Ask a Stupid Question