Week 180: When In Doubt, Pun
This week's contest was suggested, sort of, by Geneva Overholser, the ombudsman of the Washington Post. In her column last Sunday, Ms. Overholser complained that The Post carries too many headlines containing puns. She specifically singled out the Sunday Style section for pun-ishment. She proposed a "pun watch" in which readers send in examples of pun-driven headlines they find annoying.
Geneva apparently wants more conventional headlines. Geneva wants convention. Get it.? Hahahaha. Anyway, we are not mad at her. You can't criticize someone for just doing her job. She wins a broom.
Our main point though, is that Geneva is wrong. We love puns in headlines. We think The Post doesn't have enough puns in its headlines. And so we propose a 'Pun Watch' of our own. This Week's Contest is to take any headline in today's Post and improve it by somehow turning it into a pun. The new headline must basically describe the story, but it must utilize a pun to do so, the more tortured the better. Make sure you tell us what the original headline was, and what page it was on. First-prize winner gets a pair of elephant-lens sunglasses from the Republican convention and a blinking, GOP microchip lapel pin.
Runners-up, as always, receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser's T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week 180, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312 or submit them via Internet to this address: losersaccess.digex.net. Internet users: Please indicate the week number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Tuesday, Sept 3. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. The Faerie of the Fine Print & the Ear No One Reads wishes to thank Stephen Dudzik of Silver Spring for today's Ear No One Reads. Washington Post Employees and their families are not eligible for prizes.
Report from Week 177, in which we asked you to explain the meaning of any of six sounds.
* Fifth Runner-Up: What is "E-I-E-I-Ow"?
Old MacDonald had an apiary . . . (Fil Feit, Annandale)
* Fourth Runner-Up: What is "Fa la la la la la la la thud"?
Decking the halls beyond their structural integrity. (John Kammer, Herndon)
* Third Runner-Up: What is "E-I-E-I-Ow"?
The nuns always used a metal-tipped ruler to enforce "I before E." (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
* Second Runner-Up: What is "Kevork Kevork"?
It's a hell of a town, where the battery's hooked up and the electrocardiogram is down.
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
* First Runner-Up: What is "Fa la la la la la la la thud"?
Back in Romania, Bela Karolyi's gymnastics school was so poor, the girls had to sing their own musical accompaniment for their floor exercises. (Mike Hammer, Washington)
* And the winner of the deer-tooth necklace:
What is "Nyuck nyuck nyuck BANG"?
T.S. Eliot's original, inferior explanation of how the world ends.
(Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
* Honorable Mentions:
What is "Hamahamahamahamahama"?
John Sununu's middle name.
(Don Maclean, Burke)
A Yamaha idling, next to a Harley.
(Karen Huff, Dale City)
This summarizes the career of rapper Hammer after he dropped the M.C. from his name. (Charlie Steinhice, Chattanooga;
Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
What Joe Klein should have said.
(James Ascher, Alexandria)
How Boy George will sound singing "Karma Chameleon" at 92. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
What is "Fa la la la la la la la thud?"
The sound of a Christmas caroler singing his heart out. (Kathy Kielmeyer, Vienna)
Santa Klutz (Susan Reese, Arlington)
Gerald Ford sings your all-time favorite Christmas carols! (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
As FDR rolled out of control down the hill, he called in vain for his little dog.
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
What is "Nyuck nyuck nyuck BANG"?
The name of the vice president of South Vietnam, circa 1969. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
The launch of a Three-Stooge rocket, ending in failure. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
An inner-city version of Duck Duck Goose.
(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
Unable to prove Hillary killed Vince Foster, Al D'Amato explains his new theory that the Three Stooges did it. (Jan Verrey, Alexandria)
A clip from Stoogez N the Hood.
(Jon Patrick Smith, Washington)
What is "Kevork Kevork"?
Boutros Boutros-Ghali's personal physician. (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)
The dreaded sound of the Pogo Stick of the Apocalypse (Peter Ward, Arlington)
Starting up the suicide machine on a cold day. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
Sirhan Sirhan's cousin, who has a more subtle approach. (Jim Seibert, Arlington)
What the Budweiser frogs say when they are dying of cirrhosis of the liver.
(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
What is "Fizz Fizz Plop Plop"?
Coca-Colon. Wait, no! Poopsi-Cola.
(Gary Patishnock, Laurel)
The sound of Olympic swimmers diving into the pool if Coca-Cola had been allowed to implement all of its plans in Atlanta
(Mark Pilloff, Fort Washington)
What is "Whoooo? Whoooo? Ewwwwww "
An owl finds a pubic hair in his mouse.
(Paul Styrene, Olney)
Bullets fans on Draft Day.
(Anthony Sebro, Washington)
Next Week: Deep Throats