WEEK 159: ODDBALLS


This week's contest: Which item in each series does not belong? Explain
your answer. First-prize winner gets Laundry Balls, a fabulous prize
donated to The Style Invitational by Dave Barry, who gets all sorts of
crap mailed to him by alert readers the world over. Laundry Balls are
colorful spherical plastic items. We cannot tell you precisely what they
do, because we cannot figure it out, so we will just quote the package:
"When use washing machine, put 4 balls into washing machine together with
laundries. When washing machine operating, those laundry balls turn with
laundries by water stream in washing machine. When turning with
laundries, the balls prevent to twisting of each laundries and striking
the dirty parts on laundries. There is no damage on the clothes when
washing due to made of soft plastic. Made in Taiwan."

Runners-up, as always, receive the coveted Style Invitational Loser's
T-shirt. Honorable Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style
Invitational bumper sticker. Winners will be selected on the basis of
humor and originality. Mail your entries to The Style Invitational, Week
159, c/o The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C., 20071,
fax them to 202-334-4312 or submit them via Internet to this address:
losers@access.digex.net. Internet users: Please indicate the week number
in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday,
April 8. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be
announced in three weeks. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for
taste, humor or appropriateness. No purchase necessary. The Faerie of the
Fine Print & the Ear No One Reads wishes to thank Joseph Romm of
Washington for today's Ear No One Reads. Got a question for the Czar? He
will be answering provocative reader questions in an upcoming column.
Mail, fax or e-mail your questions to "The Czar's Mailbag" here at the
Invitational. The best will win insultingly cheap prizes. Washington Post
employees and their families are not eligible for prizes.

REPORT FROM WEEK 156, in which you were asked to coin new words by combining the
first half of a hyphenated word with the second half of another
hyphenated word appearing in the same story in The Post.

Fourth Runner-Up: Mer-derloin, n. Chipped beef on toast. (Joseph Romm,
Washington)

Third Runner-Up: Booby-ding, n. A red line from a poorly fitting
brassiere. (Dan Chaney, Clinton)

Second Runner-Up: Valu-goslavia, n. The mega-mall that Canadian
developers hope will revitalize downtown Sarajevo. (Harry and Gavin St.
Ours, Boyds, Md.)

First Runner-Up: Over-suer, n. The head lawyer in charge of all the
young, slave-driven paralegals in a sweatshop legal firm. (Kevin Cuddihy,
Fairfax)

And the winner of the paired 1960s big-eyed teeny-bopper paintings:
Tam-ple, n. The place where women go to pray for a late menopause. (Jean
Sorensen, Herndon)

Honorable Mentions:

Yester-plosion, n. What happens when baby boomer nostalgia reaches the
saturation point. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg; Russell Beland, Springfield)

Consis-taurant, n. A franchise eatery noted for homogeneity (e.g.,
McDonald's) (Joseph Romm, Washington)

Nag-istration, n. Hillary and Bill's presidency. (Dan Chaney, Clinton)

Mush-derloin, v. Result of a kick in the crotch. (Stephen Dudzik, Silver
Spring)

Fly-dergarten, n. Where maggots begin their education. (Tom Witte,
Gaithersburg)

Bed-and-pensive, n. A halfway house for depressed travelers. (Jessica
Steinhice, Washington)

Glob-ber-surfers, n. Those who skateboard on Manhattan sidewalks. (Greg
Diamond, Batesville, Ark.)

Authori-burst, n. A tantrum in which an employer asserts his authority
for no particular reason. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Some-cere, adj. Being partially honest, as in one's letter to one's
mother-in-law thanking her for the pink slacks (e.g., "He was some-cere
when he said, `I will put it to good use,' because he was planning on
using it to scare the children"). (Mike Connaghan, Gaithersburg)

Nonethe-voted, v. Having cast a write-in ballot. (Jessica Steinhice,
Washington)

Kin-searchers, n. A West Virginia dating service. (Stephen Dudzik, Silver
Spring)

Catch-as-catch-and-dance, n. In ballet, the act of tossing a dancer up
and hoping to catch her. (Alison Kamat, Washington)

Man-thing, n. Miss Manners's preferred anatomical euphemism. (Bill
Strider, Gaithersburg)

Semi-plogle, n. Half a plogle. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

Intersec-tainment, n. small-town fun, watching traffic lights change.
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Howev-erence, n. A deep commitment to the philosophy that nothing in life
is black-and-white. (Frank Bruno, Alexandria)

Suc-ware, n. DOS term for Macintosh products. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Cigar-gle, n. Brand name for new tobacco-flavored mouthwash. (Elden
Carnahan, Laurel)

Slobo-ville, n. Las Vegas, Nev. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Po-ginia, n. West Virginia. (Robin D. Grove, Baltimore)

Tailor-face, n. That wary, slightly puckered expression a fitter has when
his mouth is full of pins. (Moe Hammond, Falls Church)

Ef-holes, n. People who cut me off on the Beltway. (Jennifer Hart,
Arlington)

Gold-greb, n. A Jewish dyslexic. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Degrada-la, n. The opposite of Shangri-La. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Pow-ister, n. A high-profile lawyer. (Brian Baker, Silver Spring)

Re-chestrated, v. Topped off the silicone. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Sor-dia, n. Photos used for blackmail. (Paul Kocak, Syracuse, N.Y.)

And Last:

Unfortu-portant, adj. How one feels having one's name appear in The Style
Invitational. (Forrest L. Miller, Rockville)

Next Week: Warning Signs