Week 134: A Simple Clerihew Error


After the trial of O.J. Simpson
American jurisprudence, as we know it, limps on.
If it was a game, the running back definitely won it
But, then, whodunit?

Joseph 'Joey' Buttafuoco
Went on a long vacation in Acapulco
Hoping to meet a
Young, pistol-packing, wife-assassinating chiquita.

The ghost of Liberace
Spends the evening hours in my attic playing nonstop boccie.
Noisy is this lad!
Someone get this dead weenie out of my house or I'll get very mad.

This week's contest was proposed by our Aunt Ethel. She suggests reviving clerihews, a deservedly extinct poetic form that is, like our Aunt Ethel, a bit old-fashioned but still full of pith and vinegar. The thing we like about clerihews, which were invented in the early 1900s by mystery writer E. Clerihew Bentley, is that they defy all efforts to define or explain them. We shall try: A clerihew is a biographical poem in four lines divided into two rhyming couplets. The rhyme scheme is aa bb. The first line of the clerihew must contain the name of the subject of the poem. And here is the catch: The poem may not scan. The lines must be of disparate length and meter, the clunkier the better. Extra credit will be given for cleverly painful rhymes and cleverly inept meter. First prize winner receives one of our greatest prizes ever, a genuine lobster trap obtained for the Style Invitational in St. Paul, Newfoundland, by Yvonne Easter Driggers of Reston and transported to the nation's capital on the top of her motor home. We are so overwhelmed by the magnanimosity of this prize that we will refrain at the current time from making fun of the name of Ms. Yvonne Easter Driggers of Reston, though we reserve that right for a later time and place.

Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper stickers. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 134, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312, or submit them via the Internet to this address: losersaccess.digex.net. Internet users: Please indicate the appropriate Week Number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Oct. 16. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, appropriateness or humor. No purchase necessary. The Faerie of the Fine Print & The Ear No One Reads thanks John Kammer of Herndon for today's Ear No One Reads. The Faerie also wonders if anyone knows what an "Easter Drigger" is. Best explanation wins a prize. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 131, in which we asked you to come up with new Droodles, simple geometric drawings with funny explanations.
This contest engendered a lot of tired old plagiarism: Two men walking a breast; a man in a sombrero riding a bicycle, etc. Best entry by a plagiarist was from Paul Kondis of Alexandria, who submitted two paperback books of Droodles by Roger Price, but scratched out the author's name and substituted his own.

- Second Runner-Up: What a dyslexic sees in his rearview mirror.

(Kevin Cuddihy, Fairfax)

- First Runner-Up: Jack Kevorkian's signature.

(Glenn W. Chong, San Diego)

- Honorable Mentions:

A pet snake door.

(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

What you get when you order 'half plain, half pepperoni' from a West Virginia pizzeria.

(Kathy Weisse, Sykesville)

George Stephanopoulos's getaway car.

(Dan Royer, Alexandria)

John Elway completes a touchdown pass with no time left against the Redskins.

(Tommy Litz, Bowie)

- And the winner of the rhinoceros snow globe:

Four pinheaded high school athletes looking down a well at their deposed coach.

(Sally Booher, Midland, Va.)

Tom Arnold's tattoo of Roseanne.

(Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

A poodle hiding under an anvil. (Russ Beland, Springfield)

Captain Hook's bowling ball. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

The first seesaw.

(Linda K. Bakley, Falls Church)

Next Week: Give Us the Backs Off Our Shirts