Week 129: Remake Us Happy


Die Hard With a Vengeance: The sparks really fly as hundreds of defective car batteries explode on a team of crooked mechanics.

Operation Dumbo Drop: In this inspiring tale, a young boy transforms the lives of Vietnamese farmers with his gift of an amazing fertilizer.

Dial M for Murder: On the Kansas plains, a jealous husband hires an unlikely hit woman: Dorothy Gale's aunt.

This week's contest, suggested by Jacki Drucker of Arlington, is to come up with alternative story lines to movie titles, new or old. For her efforts, Jacki gets a very large mug in the shape of Dick Tracy's, er, mug. First-prize winner gets a sweatshirt and actually very nice fanny pack, both featuring the "Rolonda" talk show logo. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper stickers. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 129, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071; fax them to 202-334-4312; or submit them via the Internet to this address: losersaccess.digex.net. Internet users: Please indicate "Week 129" in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Sept. 17. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, appropriateness or humor. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes. (The Faerie notes sheepishly that we incorrectly advised entrants to last week's contest, "Like, Duh," to label their entries "Week 126" and announced that the deadline was, uh, the next day. Should have been "Week 128." And the actual deadline is Sept. 10, though we might let the entries trickle in a couple of days past that. Depends on the air pressure. Or at least the handwriting.)

Report From Week 126, in which you were asked to fill in the word balloons for the pictures below.

Thank ya very much, as half of you had Elvis saying. In Picture 3, not only did most people fail to recognize Interior Secretary Bruce Babbitt, but an astonishing number referred to the brown bear below as a "polar bear." And some guy, a Mr. Chuck Smith of Woodbridge, Va., ventured that it was either a bear or a dog. Well, you are correct, Mr. Smith. It was.

Third runner-up:

Girl 1: The mother ship said we must fit in.

Girl 2: Then I shall try again to ingest these chicken arms.

Girl 3: Be serene. They shall be coming for us soon.

(Annie Wauters, Washington)

Second runner-up:

Newt: And see the congressional water slide over there? That's where the Commerce Department used to be.

Kid: Gee, I didn't know Dilbert was so important.

(Jess Lyon, Alexandria)

First runner-up:

Nixon & Elvis: Lordy, I hope my daughter never marries a man this goofy-looking.

(Steven Dudzik, Silver Spring)

And the winner of the real Nixon-Elvis print:

Babbitt: In this compromise, we will preserve endangered species, but with a method less restrictive to property owners.

Bear: Taxidermy?

(Peyton Coyner, Afton, Va.)

Honorable Mentions:

Picture 1:

Newt: Over there, we'll tear down EPA and put up a fat-rendering plant.

Kid: Let's start with you.

(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Newt: ... and that's how we'll balance the budget.

Kid: I wonder what he'll say this time when I pull his string?

(Phil Plait, Silver Spring)

Picture 2:

1: Well, you would not feel so all alone...

2: Everybody must get...

3: Cloned.

(Mary W. Matthews, Germantown)

1: Thank God he's gone.

2: I thought we'd never get rid of him!

3: I don't know, I thought the Czar was kind of cute...

(Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)

1: Same clothes, same hair, same school...

2: Same thoughts, same religion, same color...

3: Why must we represent Republican "diversity"?

(Steven M. Wilson, Vienna)

Picture 3:

Babbitt: I have nothing to hide: My mother was a bear. My father was a rabbit. So it's "Babbitt," okay? Jeez!

Bear: You tell 'em, sonny.

(Robin D. Grove, Washington)

Babbitt: The Interior Department has solved the problem of bear attacks in our national parks.

Bear: More Prozac, please.

(Angela Cross, Riva, Md.)

Babbitt: And I assure you that the habitat of my friend here will only be enhanced by our new pipeline.

Bear: Put that thing an inch closer and I'll gnaw it off at the elbow. (Jim Pond, Silver Spring)

Babbitt: Many West Virginia voters support my campaign.

Bear: Hey, not so fast! I'm registered independent.

(Roy Ashley, Washington)

Picture 4:

Nixon: Now I'm supposed to say something about "You are merely a hound dog."

Elvis: I thought Kennedy would be better-looking. I can't believe Marilyn Monroe slept with this guy. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel, and Kevin Cuddihy, Fairfax)

Nixon: That idiot Haldeman will have me posing with Ho Chi Minh next.

Elvis: What's that whirring sound? Reminds me of the studio.

(Michael Fribush, Burtonsville, and Rose Stack, Arlington)

Nixon & Elvis: Thank goodness he's only a cardboard cutout.

(Wendy Weinberg, Potomac; Russell Beland, Springfield)

Nixon: It's a deal, then: I'll vote for the "thin" Elvis stamp ...

Elvis: ... and I'll vote for the "good" Nixon stamp.

(Peyton Coyner, Afton, Va.)

Next Week: Gadget if You Can.