WEEK 124: SPOON-FEED us.


How is the Amway Corp. like the organism that causes trichinosis? One is a weird firm, the other is a feared worm.

How is Loni Anderson's ex hubby, eating pastrami, like a wad of navel lint? One is Burt in a deli, the other is dirt in a belly.

How is a Tennessee Warbler like a shy Style Invitational contestant? One is a Nashville bird, the other is a bashful nerd.

This Week's Contest was independently suggested by Thomas Edward Knibb of Walkersville, Md. who wins a human molar, and by Lori Millen of Washington, WllO wins an alligator foot. Both prizes were donated to the Style Invitational by Stephen Dudzik of Silver Spring, who wins a pair of Central African condoms donated to the Style Invitational by Kitty Thuermer of Washington, who wins a pair of disposable underpants personally autographed by Joseph Romm of Washington, who wins a toilet bowl night light donated to The Style Invitational by Dave Barry of Miami. Anyway, Thomas and Lori suggest that you come up with spoonerisms: expressions based on the transposition of the initial sounds of two paired words. Spoonerisms were named after English educator W.A. Spooner, who used to make these unintentional slips every thou and nen. Please frame the entries as questions and answers, like the ones above. Spare us all the jokes about track teams and sneaky pygmies, okay? We've heard them all. First-prize winner gets "The Mona Usa," a framed original piece of artwork by some earnest if talentless admirer of Leonardo da Vinci. We bought it for $30. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Honorable mentions get the mildly soughttafter Style Invitational bumper stickers. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 124, TheWashingtOfl Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071; fax them to 202-334-4312; or submit them via the Internet to this address: losers@access.digex.net. Internet users: Please indicate the appropriate Week Number in the "subject" field. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Aug. 7. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, appropriateness or humor. No purchase necessary. The Faerie of the Fine Print & the Ear No One Reads thanks Russell Beland of Springfield for today's Ear No One Reads, which is in its usual location. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

REPORT FROM WEEK 121, in which you were asked to come up with useless products.

• Fourth Runner-Up: Cream of Mushroom Slurpee (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)

• Third Runner-Up: Seeing-eye giraffes (Blair Thurman, Reston)

• Second Runner-Up: The Popeil™ Pocket Wasp & Hornet Teaser (Ken Rochester, Centreville)

• First Runner-Up: Garfield™ condolence cards (Paul A. Sane, Silver Spring)

• And the winner of the nesting Russian dolls:

New, lemon yellow Ty-D-Bol™ (Russell Beland, Springfield)

• Honorable Mentions:

Lobster Helper (Buddy Baker, Silver Spring; Nancy Jones, Germantown)

"Welcome Home Kamikaze" banners (Joe Shepherd, Gaithersburg)

Purina™ Roach Chow (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg; Joseph Romm, Washington)

Miss Manners' Guide to Prison Etiquette (Ellen Dean, Frederick)

Mobius toilet paper (Buddy Baker, Silver Spring)

Frog arms platter (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Birthday candle snuffers (Linda K. Malcolm, Silver Spring)

Nuclear hand grenades (David T. Harrison, Fredericksburg)

Snooze bar on a fire alaml (Paul Kondis, Alexandria)

Sweet and Sour Maalox (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

Wild rat feeder (Sarah Worcester, Bowie)

Hamburger Helper Helper (Joe Shepherd, Gaithersburg)

Car alarms for Yugos (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Refrigerator tacks (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

Inflatable dartboard (Gene Van Pelt, Verona)

Chutney-flavored condoms (Kitty Thuermer, Washington)

Tuna-safe dolphin, packed in oil (Mary E. Reese, Alexandria)

A light on the outside of the refrigerator to indicate when the light inside the refrigerator is off (Ed Steam, Upper Marlboro)

Scrabble, special dyslexics' edition (Linda K. Mlacoml, Silver Spring)

Intermittent headlights (Mark Lesko, Grafton)

Nymphomaniac Repellent (Twink Ruffing, Bowie)

Vibrating bedpan (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Roach Motel art (Linda K. Malcolm, Silver Spring)

The Jarvik-7 artificial appendix (Jeremy Hancock and Justin Sondak, Arlington)

Bird laxatives (Cissie Owen, Leesburg)

Female pope fashions (Carole Dix, Gaithersburg)

Silicone thigh implants (Jerry Pannullo, Chevy Chase, and Russ Beland, Springfield)

Salted bandages (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills)

Non-alcoholic vodka (Paul Styrene, Olney; Joseph Romm, Washington)

Kosher communion wafers (Joe Shepherd, Gaithersburg)

Ankle watch (Sarah Worcester, Bowie)

A transparent colostomy bag (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

Can-opener-in-a-can (Michael J. Hammer, Washington)

Corn niblet holders (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)