WEEK 118: WEAK 118


FDR In Bed With Coed

The above headline, one of the greatest sentences ever to appear in
print, ran in The Washington Post one day in 1935. The story was about
the president feeling a bit under the weather; "coed" was supposed to be
"cold." This got us thinking how spectacularly cool typographical errors
can be. This week's contest is to take any photo caption or headline
appearing anywhere in today's Post (including advertisements) and alter
its meaning by adding, deleting or changing one letter and one letter
only, or by adding or deleting a space. First-prize winner gets two
wine-barrel-around-the-torso costumes, made of burlap, suitable for
wearing while otherwise naked. This would be a fabulous Halloween costume
except burlap is nearly transparent when backlit. Runners-up, as always,
get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Honorable mentions
get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper stickers. Winners
will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries
to the Style Invitational, Weak 118, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St.
NW, Washington, D.C. 20071; fax them to 202-334-4312; or submit them via
the Internet to this address: losers@access.digex.net. Internet users:
Please indicate the appropriate week number in the "subject" field.
Entries must be received on or before Monday, June 26. Please include
your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks.
Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, appropriateness or
humor. No purchase necessary. The Faerie of the Fine Print & the Ear No
One Reads is still seeking nominations for the Ear No One Reads, such as
today's by Sarah Worcester of Bowie. Employees of The Washington Post and
their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 115, in which we asked you to come up with mnemonic
devices to remember lists of things.

Judging this contest was awful because it brought back the dreariest
moments from high school, when you had to learn by rote dozens of
pointless lists that some humorless, calcified academic decided to spice
up by creating a mnemonic device more convoluted than the original list.
Who doesn't remember "sohcahtoa" from trigonometry? "St. Dapiacle" from
civics? "On Old Olympus' Towering Tops . . . " from advanced clinical
neurology?

Anyway . . .

Third Runner-Up -- Remembering the Windsor monarchs (George V, Edward
VIII, George VI, Elizabeth II):

Goofy Ears Guiding England. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)

Second Runner-Up -- Remembering the seven deadly sins (lust, envy,
covetousness, anger, gluttony, pride, sloth):

List Enumerates Character Attributes Guaranteeing Political Success.
(Joseph Romm, Washington)

First Runner-Up: Remembering all the major cities in West Virginia
(Charleston):

Chiggers. (Kelly McDonough, Waldorf)

And the winner of the pouring faucet illusion:

To remember the names of the presidents, in order, memorize the following
series; the first letter of each name is the first letter of the name of
the appropriate president:

Wilson, Arthur, Johnson, McKinley, Madison, Arthur, Jefferson, Van
Buchanan, Harding, Taylor, Pierce, Tyler, Ford, Polk, Bush, Lee, Jackson,
Garfield, Harrison, Grant, Adams, Clinton, Hayes, Clinton, Monroe,
Reagan, Truman, Washington, Hoover, Carter, Harding, Reagan, Taft,
Einstein, 'Kinley, Jackson, Nanahcub, Fillmore, Coolidge, Roosevelt,
Buchanan, and Cleveland. (Jacob Weinstein, McLean)

Honorable Mentions:

The six wives of Henry VIII (Aragon, Boleyn, Seymour, Cleves, Howard,
Parr):

Annulment Beats Severing Chicks' Heads (Plop). (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Maryland counties (Talbot, Charles, Harford, Garrett, Carroll, Anne
Arundel, Dorchester, Somerset, Baltimore, Montgomery, Cecil, Worcester,
Kent, Queen Anne's, Wicomico, Prince George's, Allegany, Howard, Calvert,
Caroline, Frederick, Washington, St. Mary's):

The Chesapeake Has Great Crabs And Delicious Seafood But Maryland's
Citizens Won't Keep Quiet When Pollution And Huge Crowds Come From
Washington's Suburbs. (Fred Dawson, Beltsville)

The current Supreme Court, in order of appointment (Rehnquist, Stevens,
O'Connor, Scalia, Kennedy, Souter, Thomas, Ginsburg, Breyer):

Rare Spurts Of Sanity Keep Sustaining This Great Body. (Fred Dawson,
Beltsville)

The seven deadly sins: Please Call Everyone -- Let's All Get Started!
(Debbie Ruffing, Bowie)

Liz Taylor's husbands (Todd, Fortensky, Hilton, Burton, Warner, Fisher,
Wilding):

That Fat Hollywood Babe With Frequent Weddings. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

"The Partridge Family" children (Chris, Keith, Danny, Laurie, Tracy):

California Kids Desperately Lacking Talent. (Kelly McDonough, Waldorf)

Santa's reindeer (Cupid, Comet, Donner, Dasher, Blitzen, Vixen, Prancer,
Dancer): Cherished Christmas Deer Disappeared Because Venison Prices
Doubled. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Attorneys general under Nixon (Mitchell, Kleindienst, Richardson, Saxbe):

My Kingdom Rots Swiftly. (Sue Lin Chong, Washington)

The Great Lakes (Michigan, Ontario, Superior, Erie, Huron):

Masses Of Sewage Empty Here. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

The only continent with four countries that extend above the Arctic
Circle, and the capitals of those countries (Europe, Oslo, Stockholm,
Helsinki and Moscow):

Erie, Ontario, Superior, Huron, Michigan. (Sarah Galbraith, Washington)

The spelling of "arithmetic." Old mnemonic device: A Rat In The House May
Eat The Ice Cream. New mnemonic device: A Rat In The House May Eat The
Iced Cappucino. (Paul Styrene, Olney)

Seven deadly sins:

Presbyterians Gasp At Sight of Crowds Enjoying Life. (Jennifer Hart,
Arlington)

Actors who played James Bond (Lazenby, Connery, Dalton, Moore):

Loved Connery, Detested Moore. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

The order of animal classification (kingdom, phylum, subphylum, class,
order, family, genus, species, subspecies):

Kissing Pigs Sometimes Can Offer Fun, Good Safe Sex (Robin D. Grove,
Washington)

Daytime talk show hosts (Geraldo, Montel, Ricki, Jenny, Leeza, Sally,
Oprah, Gordon, Jerry, Phil, Maury, Rolonda):

Give Me Really Juicy, Lurid Stories Of Gender-Jumping Prostitutes
Marrying Relatives. (Michael J. Hammer, Washington)

A trick to remember which side of the Metro escalator is for walking and
which is for standing:

"Walk" and "left" each have four letters, "stand" and "right" each have
five. Or, JUST DO WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING, YOU IDIOTS! (Russell
Beland, Springfield)

And Last:

How to remember the page number of the Style Invitational each week:

Flatulence -- The Winning Offering. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Next Week: Write Pure Poetry