Week 93: I Want the Mongoose


This Week's Contest is easy. Pictured above is the finest prize we have ever obtained, an elegant piece of taxidermy featuring a snake being killed by a mongoose. This would lend instant "class" to the den or living room of any domicile inhabited by morons, yokels or blind people. It was purchased for $ 65 but is obviously priceless. All you have to do is tell us, in 50 words or fewer, why you must have it. Best answer gets it. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper stickers. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 93, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312, or submit them via the Internet to this address: losers@access.digex.net. Entries must be received on or before Tuesday, Jan. 3. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, appropriateness or humor. No purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 90, in which you were asked to invent legislation using only the names of the 102 congressional freshmen.

More than 9,000 entries this week, including dozens of fine ones submitted by too many people to credit the authors. Among them: the Fattah-Flanagan orphanage bill; the Watts-Hayworth farm subsidy bill; the Ney-Burr-Lee community development act; the Burr-Bryant college football empowerment act; the Barr-Burr-Nethercutt bikini wax amendment; the Smith-Jones motel registry act. There were so many entries, and so many duplicates, we fear we may have inadvertently omitted the names of some people with entries identical to the winners below. If you feel we snubbed you, and wish recognition, you may follow this simple procedure: Have your original entry notarized along with an affidavit swearing to its authenticity. Submit this in triplicate to "I Deserve Credit," c/o The New York Times Op-Ed Section, 229 W. 43rd St., New York, N.Y. 10036. Thank you.

Sixth Runner-Up: The Frisa-Bunn RFK Stadium dome appropriations bill. (PDKL Letellier, Arlington)

Fifth Runner-Up: The Wamp-Bass weapons procurement act. (Nick Yokanovich, Arnold; Mollie Peek Roland, Falls Church)

Fourth Runner-Up: The Lee-Kyl-Kennedy anti-conspiracy bill. (Peyton Coyner, Afton, Va.; Bill and Judy Kelly, Gaithersburg; Janet Millenson, Potomac)

Third Runner-Up: The Bono-Snowe-English athlete literacy act. (Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills; John Holder, Washington)

Second Runner-Up: The Bentsen-Snowe-Kennedy delayed snappy comeback act. (Scott Jordan, Derwood)

First Runner-Up: The Watts-DeWine-Witt-Salmon sommelier education act. (Bill Purvis, Dave Finkbinder and Mike Duffy, Washington; Mark W. Johnson, Chevy Chase; Paul Bickart, Washington)

And the winner of the three items from Dave Barry's Gift Guide:

The Cubin-Bass-Tiahrt resolution condemning Fidel Castro. (Jerry Pohl, Rockville)

Honorable Mentions:

The Barr-Bunn-Ney-Mascara animal-testing prohibition act. (Joe Weissman, Washington)

The Hilleary-Souder-Barr-Burr hairdresser liability act. (Lisa Massarella, Falls Church)

The Witt-Watts balanced budget amendment. (Gene Reiher, Burke)

The Thomas-Lee-Jones motion picture violence act. (Jesse Salter, Washington)

The Barr-Fattah-Kennedy combined congressional term-limits and weight-limits bill. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

The Munster-Bentsen-Sanford bad sitcom preservation act. (Joseph Romm, Washington)

The English-Frist dyslexic empowerment act. (Harry Richardson, Laurel)

The Munster-Bunn obesity anti-defamation act. (Stephen Connard, Crofton)

The Bilbray-Lee family reconciliation act. (Stu Segal, Vienna)

The Barr-Burr-Seastrand ticket-gouging prevention act. (Eric F. Barr, Front Royal; Preston Williams, Alexandria; Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring; Jill Drain, Alexandria)

The Weller-English language proficiency act. (Gina Morgan, Falls Church; Geoff and Jacki Drucker, Arlington)

The Munster-Bunn-Ney bill funding medical research into alcohol-induced hallucinations. (Jerry Pohl, Rockville)

The Abraham-Martini & Jones song-title infringement act. (Steven J. Bienstock, Rockville)

The Hilleary-Luther-Fattah-White-Bunn act to add an aerobics room to the White House. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

The Ensign-Bunn don't ask, don't tell bill. (Karl Means, Silver Spring)

The Nethercutt-Munster anti-flatulence act. (Mike Duffy, Washington)

The Snowe-White-Bunn-Brownback standards for decency in sunbathing act. (Joel J. Roessner, Arlington; Michael Newberg, Bel Air)

The Inhofe-Lee Bad Taste bill to honor Polacks, Krauts and Japs. (Scott Kirkwood, Rockville)

The Doggett-Lee-White segregation bill. (Laurel Bergold, Washington)

The Watts-Neumann anti-slang bill. (Kate Renner, Rockville)

The Mascara-Rivers Tammy Faye Bakker appreciation resolution. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel; John Alvey, Annandale)

The Kennedy-Martini bill to prohibit cheap shots in contests. (Jay D. Majors, Alexandria)

and Last:

The Barr-Smith Style Invitational reform act. (Scott Harshman, Washington, and about 150 others)

NEXT WEEK: Ask Backward III