Week 85: Play Mythty for Me
1. The guy who plays Kramer on "Seinfeld" has a baboon heart. The transplant was done several years ago but hushed up because of fear of arousing animal-rights activists.
2. One day about six years ago, before he was really popular, someone slipped Rush Limbaugh some LSD and he went on the air raving about how Hitler was still alive and Mexicans were descendants of Satan. Technicians quickly cut him off, but a tape is out there, somewhere.
3. A woman who had saline breast implants was getting this tickling sensation. She insisted on having the implants removed. In one of them, there was a live shrimp.
4. The reason we haven't put anyone on the moon in so long is that scientists have determined the astronauts brought back AIDS.
5. "Chuck Smith of Woodbridge" is a pseudonym for a famous, powerful politician in Washington who cannot politically risk being revealed as a devotee of toilet humor. He is a very famous and powerful politician, if you get our drift.
This week's contest was suggested by Sarah Worcester of Bowie, who wins a Fighting Nun hand puppet. Sarah suggests coming up with new urban myths, those vaguely believable, wildly paranoid stories that circulate by word of mouth until they are generally accepted as true. (Think: Alligators in the New York City sewers. Reggie Jackson and his dog in the elevator. The kid who played Mikey choking to death on fizzing candy.) The first-prize winner receives a pair of fabulous metal toys made in China, "Duck on Bike" and "Elephant on Bike," each featuring "Wind-Up Funny Action." These sell for $ 35 apiece. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper stickers. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 85, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312, or submit them via the Internet to this address: losers@access.digex.net. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Nov. 7. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, appropriateness or humor. No purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.
Report from Week 82, in which we asked you to describe what is going on in these pictures.
Fourth Runner-Up (Cartoon B) -- "Handless Messiah" (Roy Highberg, Bentonville)
Third Runner-Up: (Cartoon B) -- The Harriman Trust also invested heavily in the performing arts. (Sarah Worcester, Bowie)
Second Runner-Up: (Cartoon D) -- Although it was an exclusive, Geraldo wondered whether it was worth $ 30,000 to interview O.J.'s rectal polyp. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
First Runner-Up: (Cartoon D) -- Incompetent pollsters attempt to interview a random sapling. (Jessica Steinhice, Washington)
And the winner of the Pee-wee Herman doll:
(Cartoon E) -- The night had turned cold, and Hillary was worried, so the U.S. Park Police tried to lure the president back into the house. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
Cartoon A
The spell wore off, and the Frog Prince regained his original form in the barest nick of time. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
9 p.m., 2, 4, 8 SEINFELD (CC) George (Jason Alexander) bets a new waitress at the diner that she can't carry him on a platter. Nothing else happens. (Joseph Romm, Washington)
Okay, who ordered the burgher? (Kent Rogers, Annandale)
Like other condemned prisoners, Jeff Dahmer got to request a last meal. (Ken Kaufman, Gaithersburg; also, Paul Styrene, Olney)
Tailhook '95 (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
Cartoon B
Leperace, the composer of "Chopsticks." (Mark Robers, Springfield)
It took a few times, but Dudley soon learned not to skim the tips at Hussein's piano bar. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Boy! This is harder than working on a tuna boat. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Roger Clinton dreams he can play the piano as well as he can sing. (Jan Verrey, Alexandria)
Beethoven's "Prosthetique" Sonata. (Leonard Greenberg, Sterling)
Cartoon C --
Joe misunderstood when his priest suggested he let the Madonna into his life. (Debbie Pieper, Arlington)
The world was not yet ready for a transvestite version of "The Honeymooners." (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Art Buchwald guaranteeing himself a seat and plenty of personal space on the Metro at rush hour. (Kathy Weisse, Sykesville)
The first edition of the "Victor's Secret" catalogue did not do as well as expected. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
One of the least popular of the American Gladiators. (Jerry Podlesak, Arlington)
Cartoon D
The fly that is the friend of the flea that hangs around the dog that lived next door to O.J. Simpson's dog is hounded by CNN reporters. (Rose Stack, Arlington)
Geraldo gets ethics tips from an insect. (Mark P. Hurst, Germantown)
Desperate for filler material because of the baseball strike, ESPN's Keith Olberman interviews a future baseball bat. (Jessica Steinhice, Washington)
In these politically correct times, some reporters still seek out the opinions of a WASP. (Jerry Podlesak, Arlington)
Warren Christopher vehemently denies press reports that his role as secretary of state is diminishing. (James Anderson, Woodbridge)
Cartoon E
Officer O'Reilly wins an office bet that he can cut back to one doughnut per day. (James Christopher, Springfield)
After the Statue of Liberty sank, it was replaced with a tribute to New York's Finest. (Donna Bell, Arlington)
Next Week: The Sex Survey