Week 84: The Washington Irvings


The Suffern (N.Y.) Succotashes

The Manlius (N.Y.) Guys-in-Town

The Simpson (S.C.) Media Frenzies

The Moody (Ala.) Bastards

The Maalaea (Ha.) Vowels

The Kenedy (Tx.) Misspellers

This Week's Contest was suggested by Michael Faden of Bethesda, who wins some owl puke. This is not just any old owl puke. This one is guaranteed to contain mouse or insect bones, and be suitable for dissection. A big gob of the stuff arrived in our office as part of a press kit from the Children's Museum of Washington. You would have won this fine prize too if you had been as smart as Michael, who proposed that you come up with creative names for the high school football teams of real towns in America. You will probably need an atlas for this one. First-prize winner gets a really fancy harmonica with a wah-wah button, a value of $ 60. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Honorable mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper stickers. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 84, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, fax them to 202-334-4312, or submit them via the Internet to this address: losers@access.digex.net. Entries must be received on or before Halloween. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. Editors reserve the right to alter entries for taste, appropriateness or humor. No purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Results of Week 81, in which you were asked to cut up any headlines from that Sunday's Post, and rearrange the words into more interesting headlines.

Fifth Runner-Up: North Stuffed Robb in Toilet: Campaign Going Down the Drain (Elaine Lederman, Herndon)

Fourth Runner-Up: O.J. Hopes to Catch Plague (Karen Rogers, Fairfax)

Third Runner-Up: It's Cheaper to Let Armed Men Rob People as Alternative to Costly Rides in D.C. Taxicabs (Ted Huntington, Upper Marlboro)

Second Runner-Up: Barry Urges Speed as Alternative to Blow (Daniel G. Rosen, Bowie)

First Runner-Up: O.J. Freed, Police Search for 3-Armed Man (Paul Kondis, Alexandria)

And the Winner of the Magician's Knife-Thru-Arm Illusion with free blood spatter:

God Upset at Washington Liar Parade -- Reprimands Stun Clinton, Reagan, Bush, Robb, North and Marion Barry (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Honorable Mentions:

What's for Dinner? Turtle Heads Aren't Always Best Bet (Mike Thring, Leesburg)

Barbara Bush Bears Alien Baby (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Clinton Dreams of Dirty Fantasies With 11-Year-Old Swedes (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Clinton Urges Robb to Stray With Him (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Carter Discusses Five of His Finest Fantasies About Clinton's Behind (Elaine Lederman, Herndon)

Baby Turns Into Million-Ton Beast and Eats Everything in Baltimore (Darren C. Mitchell, Washington)

Clinton Sleeps With Just About Anything Which Turns His Way (George W. McGregor, Annandale)

Clinton and His Old Lady Unhappy All the Time (George W. McGregor, Annandale)

Clinton Leaves Toilet Seat Up (Paul Kondis, Alexandria)

Nunn Beats Panetta for Swearing in Church (Malcolm Harden, Falls Church)

Mary Chapin Carpenter Captures GOP Fantasies, Baring All in Senate (Malcolm Harden, Falls Church)

Japan Purchases U.S. for a Buck (Geoff and Jacki Drucker, Arlington)

Plague Turns Sweden Into Mexico (J. Kammer, Herndon)

Robb Accuses North Accuses Clinton Accuses Carter Accuses ... Trust Is Not a Part of the Washington Power Game (Bev Wiedeman, Manassas)

Reagan, on Drugs, Bit Lady (Jo Robbins, Bethesda)

Armed Post Office Employees React to Negative Stereotypes (Jonathan G. Price, Chevy Chase)

Clinton Eats, Turns Into a 3 1/2-Ton Publicity Problem (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)

Oliver North Agrees: 'Liar' Hits Close to Home (Carol Dent, Fairfax)

Next Week: Picture This