WEEK 54: ODD COUPLING


If Julia Child married Jack Kent Cooke, she would become Julia Child Kent
Cooke.

If you crossed Flip Wilson with the Birdman of Alcatraz, you'd get Flip
the Bird, Man.

If Tuesday Weld married Alonzo Mourning and then died, she would be the
Late Tuesday Mourning.

If Meat Loaf formed a band with Spuds MacKenzie and Wavy Gravy on the
trombone, they would call themselves "Meat With Spuds and Gravy on the
Slide."

This week's contest was proposed by Chris Rooney of Blacksburg, who wins
a 1994 Tasteless Joke calendar. Chris proposed the comical combinations
of famous names, by marriage or other conceit. First Prize winner gets a
fabulous framed painting by Rembrandt, or possibly one of his lesser
students, depicting a vaguely religious motif featuring Marilyn Monroe,
James Dean, Humphrey Bogart, Stan Laurel etc. This is several degrees
more tacky than a Velvet Elvis, and has a value of $60. Runners-up, as
always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Honorable
Mentions get the mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper stickers.
Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your
entries to the Style Invitational, Week 54, The Washington Post, 1150
15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or fax them to 202-334-4312. Entries
must be received on or before Monday, March 21. Please include your
address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. No
purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate
families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 51, in which we asked you to write captions for pictures
we supplied.

This contest prompted the largest response to date, nearly
7,000 entries, the most ludicrous of which appear below. But first, an
important announcement for individuals with impaired social skills: This
week the Style Invitational goes on line. You can submit entries through
the Internet at this address: losers@access.digex.net. Just think of it
as the Vince Lombardi rest stop on the Information Superhighway.

Sixth Runner-Up: Picture } Ned shuddered with dread. This elevator ride
would not improve his reputation for rubbing people the wrong way.
(Preston Williams, Alexandria)

Fifth Runner-Up: Picture } Seventh Floor! Coffins! (Chuck Smith,
Woodbridge)

Fourth Runner-Up: Picture } No one gives a hoot about my weather
predictions, complains Punxsutawney Harold. (Michael Garawski and
Michelle Lefferts, Arlington)

Third Runner-Up: Picture } These are your kidneys on decaf. Any
questions? (David Waldman, Silver Spring)

Second Runner-Up: Picture } The Doublemint Twins decide it is finally
time to switch to sugarless. (Bob Weber, Purcellville, Va.; also, Stephen
Bates, Silver Spring, and Christopher W. Moon, Gaithersburg)

First Runner-Up: Picture } "Seat 14B? Sure, right between us." (Tom
Meyer, Alexandria) u And the winner of the really fancy pogo stick:
Picture } The elevator reaches the top of the Gateway Arch. (Paul Kondis,
Alexandria)

Honorable Mentions:

PICTURE 1: Why Sidney Freud forever lived in his brother's shadow. (Mike
Thring, Leesburg)

A recent $3.1 million government study establishes that squirrels prefer
acorns to tuna fish. (Steven King, Alexandria)

PICTURE 2: After some discussion, the judges decided to have two winners
in the musical chairs contest. (Laura Jennings, Rockville) Under the
electron microscope, two vanilla ice cream cholesterols. (Bud Quigley,
LaPlata, Md.)

Cover models for the Russian Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. (Jon
Gianiny, Charles Town, W.Va.)

At six months, the twins began to look suspiciously like Dr. Cecil
Jacobson. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge; also Jim Citron, Herndon, and Ceola
McNeil, Clinton)

Hillary now hires the president's personal secretaries. (Carol Lantz,
Sharpsburg, Md.)

At night, the soldiers descended the ladders from the Trojan Women.
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Fashion Tip: To appear slimmer, don't part your hair on the side. (Andre
Barbera, Annapolis)

Two of the women Sharon Stone beat out for the lead in "Basic Instinct."
(Paul Styrene, Olney)

PICTURE 3: Where Exxon Valdez Captain Hazelwood will spend eternity.
(John Brodman, Washington)

PICTURE 4: (drawing from "Close to Home," by John McPherson/Universal
Press Syndicate):

Metro's first attempt to connect the Green Line to the rest of the
system. (Richard Rosen, Silver Spring)

Boy, that must have been some fart! (Art Rottenborn, Fishersville, Va.)

The elevator worked so slowly that people had to be put into suspended
animation for the journey. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

To his horror, the repairman realized he had replaced the elevator with a
garbage compactor. (Terry Bauknight, Columbia)

Another day for the Under-the-Bed Dust Bunny Inspectors comes to an end.
(Kimbra K. Morris, Harrisonburg)

Tired of the same old rut? If you can find something wrong with this
picture, you may be qualified for a career with the CIA! (Paul A. Alter,
Hyattsville)

What the red button on an elevator does. (Stephen Dudzik, Silver Spring)

For the second time in as many weeks, Martin awakened on the Y axis.
(Mike Rayburn, Lorton) Er, thanks, I'll wait. (These people are strange.
They have no mouths.) (Fred Darfler, Elkton)

And Last: Picture 1: "Doctor, I've been so depressed since Henry Mitchell
died." (Laura Jennings, Rockville)