Week 28 : THE MOTHERS-IN-LAW OF REINVENTION


To raise revenue, institute a two-drink minimum and $5 cover charge at White House state dinners.

To promote tourism, rename the bad states to make them sound more inviting. New Jersey would become "East California." Utah would be "Sexland."

To humanize our leaders and reduce government arrogance, pass a constitutional amendment requiring the president to wear short pants and a fez.

Change the doctrine of "one man, one vote" to "one man, one beer."

Require soldiers to car-pool into battle whenever possible.

Were you as disappointed as we were by the Clinton administration's much-ballyhooed proposal to "reinvent government"? After all these many months, the best they can come up with are things like: "Reduce mohair subsidies"? Hey, if we are going to reinvent government, let's reinvent government. This week's contest: Propose some drastic change in government to help the economy or otherwise improve the quality of life in America. First-prize winner receives a T-shirt of an exploding pigeon from Hegins, Pa., plus a "humane mousetrap" from PETA, plus some plastic dog poop, a total value of about $40. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 28, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or fax them to 202-334-4312. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Sept. 20. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. No purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 25, in which we asked you to supply captions to any of four photographs we supplied.

All runners-up, as well as the winner, refer to Photo B.

Fourth Runner-up: Spring Break in Latvia (Linda K. Malcolm, Silver Spring)

Third Runner-up: Early auditions for "The Coneheads" movie went poorly. (Bob Leszczak, Burtonsville)

Second Runner-Up: Controller of the Mars Observer mission continues to try to signal the errant spacecraft from mission control. (Paul Kondis, Alexandria)

First Runner-up: "Children of William Jefferson Blythe, unite!" (Christopher P. Nicholson, Arlington)

And the winner of the eyeball-hologram watch:

Robert Reich, diminutive secretary of labor, registers displeasure at the results of well-meaning but tragically inept medical efforts to help him grow another foot. (Fritz Stolzenbach, Arlington)

Photo A:

The DuPont Co. unveils its new line of Stainmaster poodles. (Tom Gearty, Washington)

Socks's Secret Service guard. (Louise Trofimuk, Laurel)

"This safe sex stuff has gone entirely too far." (James Christopher, Springfield)

Superdog was foiled again as his approach was given away by the sound of his corduroy pants. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Photo B:

The early days of the Klan. (Andi Wildt, Vienna)

Caught cheating at the state cartwheel finals. (Mike Thring, Leesburg)

"This is the prince. I'm looking for the woman whose head fits this boot." (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Amazing photos show Rasputin using a Water Pic! (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Early attempts to invent the shoehorn proved futile. (Bob Leszczak, Burtonsville)

During the 1960s, the Berkeley cheerleading squad went all to hell. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

After being fully restored and cleaned, the Capitol dome statue was actually revealed to be a sculpture of a drunken Rutherford B. Hayes. (Chris Rooney, Blacksburg)

Photo taken during the famous "I Have a Delusion" speech. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Photo C:

"Hmm. A cold fish as my next vice president? Worked for Clinton. Nope. Not gonna do it." (James Christopher, Springfield)

Ex-President Bush displays the "rabbit" that attacked Jimmy Carter. (Louise Trofimuk, Laurel)

"Isn't the 50th the Fish Anniversary, Barb?" (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

After Clinton played the sax on "Arsenio," President Bush tried to increase his hipness quotient by referring to his administration as "Country George and the Fish." (Douglas H. Ricker, Beltsville)

Evoking memories of LBJ and his basset hounds, President Bush hoists Tex, the First Fish, by the gills. (Art Stern, Arlington)

Photo D:

"Okay, Mr. Quayle. We have wiped that silly smirk off your face." (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

"I told you not to play Rock-Paper-Scissors-Hand Grenade, didn't I? " (David Waldman, Silver Spring)

Doctors put finishing touches on the world's first snowman-to- human head transplant. (Karsten Brown, Front Royal)

Toilet-paper explosion survivor Josh Winkins considers himself blessed that he "wasn't sitting down when it went off." (Bob Zane, Woodbridge)

And last:

Having failed to "get a life" by conventional methods, contest geek Bob Zane attempts to have one surgically attached. (Bob Zane, Woodbridge)

Next Week: Casting About for an Idea.