Week 24: Ask Backwards


Janet Reno's shoes

Herbert Haft's hair

To get to the other side

Lorena Bobbitt or Hermann Goering

Socks

Don't ask, don't tell

Michael Jackson's face

The inventor of the urinary catheter

It's the economy, stupid

Heidi Fleiss's notebook

Just Do It

Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Madonna

Tax and spend

Because he didn't inhale

Ooo-bop-a-loo-bop-a-loo-bop-boom

Marion Barry, Vaclav Havel and that guy in the Taster's Choice ad

This week's contest: You are on "Jeopardy!" Those are the answers. What are the questions? Answer one or more than one. Only one example. Answer: The inventor of the urinary cateter. Question: "Who has been, simultaneously, an enormous contributor to society and a great drain on it?" First-prize winner receives a pair of tickets to Memorial Stadium for a Bowie Baysox game, plus a pair of furry moose slippers with eyes and antlers and everything, a total value of $ 50. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 24, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or fax them to 202-334-4312. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Aug. 23. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. No purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 21, in which you were asked to describe things through So-So comparison.

"Ross Perot is so unusual, it's said that when he was born they threw away the baby and raised the placenta." A splendid joke, when it was first applied to Tiny Tim in 1968. And: "George Burns is so old that when he was born the Dead Sea was just sick." This was originally said about George Bernard Shaw, who died in 1950. Fair warning: In the future, if you serve us chestnuts, we will roast you.

Fifth Runner-Up: Donald Trump is so annoying that Amnesty International wants him beaten and locked up. (Tom Gearty, Washington)

Fourth Runner-Up: D.C. streets are so badly maintained they have more potholes than Jerry Garcia's sofa. (Robin D. Grove, Washington)

Third Runner-Up: The Mississippi River has been so aggressive, it is now being called the Msissippi. (Pai Rosenthal, Sterling)

Second Runner-Up: Joe McGinniss is so original he deserves to win the Style Invitational, Ted Kennedy thought to himself. (Tom Jedele, Laurel)

First Runner-Up: Bill Clinton has gained so much weight that I-495 has been renamed the Sansabeltway. (Paul Sabourin, Greenbelt)

And the winner of the Mortimer Snerd Ventriloquist's Dummy:

Jack Kent Cooke is so litigious that I'm not going to finish this thought. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Honorable Mentions: The White House staff is so young that the most common question on Air Force One is, "Are we there yet?" (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

The White House staff is so young they have to write home when they go to Camp David. (Paul B. Jacoby, Washington)

The White House staff is so inexperienced that it has never "been" with another staff. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)

Spike Lee is so desperate for a crossover hit that he is filming "Dennis the Menace II Society." (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Saddam Hussein is so evil he will have to pass an ethics test to get into Hell. (Leonard Osterman, Potomac)

Mayor Kelly is so sensitive to sexual harassment that she refuses to accept mail addressed to "The Hon. Sharon Pratt Kelly" because she is no one's "hon." (Carol V. Strachan, Silver Spring)

Washington streets have so many potholes, it's like driving over a giant, deserted Whack-a-Mole game. (Paul Kondis, Alexandria)

Don King has so much static in his hair, he electrocutes anyone who give him a noogie. (Audrey Kovalak, Springfield)

The White House is so full of Arkansans they are cutting crescent moons in the restroom doors. (Forrest L. Miller, Rockville)

Ross Perot is so paranoid his theories are laughed at by Oliver Stone. (Paul Sabourin, Greenbelt)

Gov. Schaefer is so petty that he had "43" painted on his limo. (Greg Griswold, Falls Church)

The Haft family is so dysfunctional that Herbert sold the family tree to Crown Books for pulp. (Christopher P. Nicholson, Arlington)

Dan Quayle is so dumb. (Chris Rooney, Reston)

And Last:

The Style Invitational is so popular that the next Supreme Court justice will be chosen on the basis of "humor and originality." (Al Toner, Arlington)

And Least: The Style Invitational is so funny I forgot to laugh. (Tony Buckley, Washington)