WEEK 14: Collective Insanity


A Slick of lawyers

A Smuggery of politically correct individuals

An Olfaction of babies

A Confusion of psychiatrists

A Nitpick of wonks

Today, we present our first reader-induced contest, proposed by Kitty Theurmer of Washington, who receives for her gracious help some plastic vomit. Kitty proposed that we modernize collective nouns (as in a "pride" of lions or an "exaltation" of larks), inventing snide new names for groups of things. As in the examples above.

First-prize winner will receive a big fluffy pillow, because we always wanted to mail somebody a big fluffy pillow. It's worth about $ 50. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirts. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 14, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or fax them to 202-334-4312. Entries must be received on or before Monday, June 14. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. No purchase necessary. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.

Report from Week 11, in which you were asked to come up with a slogan for the back of the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirt.

There were more than 1,200 entries, almost 5 percent of which were some variation of "If You Get It, You Don't Get It," a corruption of The Washington Post's television ad campaign. To which we respond, "If You Get a Life, You Won't Not Have a Life." Thank you.

Many of you have inquired whether the coveted Style Invitational losers' T-shirt, almost ready for shipping, is available for purchase. Yes, it is. It costs $ 765.

And now, the winners:

Eighth Runner-Up: You Can't Lose if You Don't Play (Jim Martin, Alexandria)

Seventh Runner-Up: Near Genius Nearly Rewarded (Cindi Rae Caron, Lenoir, N.C.)

Sixth Runner-Up: Will Exchange Shirt for Idea (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)

Fifth Runner-Up: Born to Be Barely Adequate (Charles Layman, Silver Spring)

Fourth Runner-Up: Words Fail Me (Mort Oakes, Monkton; also, Jan Genevro, Rockville)

Third Runner-Up: My Name Here (Craig Ulander, Mount Airy)

Second Runner-Up: Machine wash. Tumble dry. Do not bleach. Do not iron. (Rick Greene, Washington)

First Runner-Up: Mistakes Were Made (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

And The Winner of the five T-shirts, none of which contains her ingenious slogan, which will appear on Style Invitational losers' T-shirts only:

Almost Do It! (Mary Pat Jones, Potomac)

Honorable Mentions:

No Radio in Pants (Mary Mazer, Antioch, Tenn.)

The unexamined life IS worth living. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

I used to be, you know, inarticulate. (Ken Schwartz, Burke)

Will write for food. (Hoops, Alexandria)

Big, Hairy Deal (Cindi Rae Caron, Lenoir, N.C.)

Wet the OTHER side, idiot! (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

When Aroused, I Submit (Addison L. Gilmore, Cumberland)

Quayle in '96 (David Moon, Kettering)

Humor Hurts (Bob Zane, Woodbridge)

And Last:

No, I'm not Bob Zane of Woodbridge. (Michael J. Hammer, Washington)

Next Week: Here, Doggerel ...