This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know,

Key to Ink Types:

1160 A remeaning task Redefine an existing word or two-word term beginning with P through Z. H
959 Out of network Move a current or former TV program (or type of programming) to a different network and explain what would change. H
652 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. You supply the questions. H H H
585 It's Parody Time Offer, in the holiday spirit of goodwill, some advice--as constructive and unifying as Loserly suggestions always are--to our nation's leaders (or the loyal opposition) as we prepare for the next four years. This advice will be set to the tune of some winter holiday song, either religious or secular. H
582 Perversery Rhymes Update a nursery rhyme or children's song with an edgier text. 1
578 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions. H H
571 A Tour de Fours Create and define a word that includes T, H, E, and S in any order. The letters must appear consecutively. H H
564 Redefine Print Redefine any word from the dictionary. H
563 Take Two Take any two of the provided items and explain how they resemble or differ from each other. W
556 So Zoo Us Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it. H H
548 Inklings Tell us about certain people's childhood experiences and behaviors that hint at their destinies. H
544 You Gotta Have Heart Write us some valentine sentiments from one particular person (real or fictional) to another. H
543 Read Our Leaps Fill any readers of The Washington Post on Sunday, Feb. 29, 2032, on: (a) the day's lead news story; (b) the highest-flying company and its business; (c) the best-selling self-help book; and/or (d) the day's winning Style Invitational entry. H
538 Try, Try Again Enter any previous Invitational. Your entry must be substantially different from the original winners. H
530 Tri Harder Take any word, alter it in three ways--by adding a letter, by subtracting a letter and by changing a letter--and redefine all three new words. H
528 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H
527 Rite of First Defusal Come up with witty or bizarre things to say to defuse the tension in awkward moments. W
522 Being There Set the agenda for a flash mob, one of those existential, Web-arranged, sudden, pointless, instantaneous but brief gatherings of people at odd places, to do odd things. H
518 Say, Kids, What Time Is It? Fill in the blanks in the following sentence: "You know it's time to ------ when ------." H H
515 A Cellebration of Tasteful Living Come up with ways that Martha Stewart can prettify and improve her new prison surroundings using only her skills, her impeccable taste and those resources available to her. T
508 Letter Rip Take a word from the dictionary, add, change, or delete a single letter, and redefine the word. H H
503 Doody and Muldoon Write poetry that out-Muldoons Paul Muldoon, the Princeton professor who won this year's Pulitzer Prize in poetry. Your poem must be a single quatrain, containing at least one rhyme and references to at least two body parts and one geographic name. H
498 Unamazing But True! Submit a true fact that is of absolutely no use, but interesting in a weirdly Invitationalist way. H
497 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H
491 Hirschfeld Follies Try to figure out which celebrities Bob Staake is trying to draw in imitation of Al Hirschfeld. H
480 In No Uncertain Terminations Come up with a way to stop any unwanted overture in its tracks. H
479 Invest Case Scenario Suggest new companies in which it might be unwise to invest. H
478 Do You Mindset? Anticipate items for the Mindset List for the freshman class of the year 2020. H
472 Water Stupid Idea Propose bad ideas for saving water in the continuing drought. H
467 Get Your But in Here Produce a line that fits this structure: (Real thing based upon current events) is (word or phrase suggesting some quality) but (other word or phrase suggesting a dissimilar or incompatible quality), like (funny analogy). H L
460 Pompous Assets Come up with the first paragraph of a review of a real book or movie, past or present, that is narcissistic, pretentious, and self-aggrandizing. 3
456 A Bad-Ask Contest You are still on Jeopardy!, and you still have to supply questions to the provided answers, but the winners will be the least funny answers. H H W
452 Russellmania! (1) Design one or more steps for a 12-step program for the recovering Invitationalaholic; (2) Propose a devious method by which we might lure Russell Beland back. H
451 Make Your Pix Which two of the provided cartoons are related, and how? H
450 Blues It or Lose It Write the first verse of a blues song expressing some Washington area woe. 1
448 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races this year and propose a name for their foal. No name may exceed 18 characters, including spaces. H
445 Another Round of Bierce Add a few entries to Ambrose Bierce's famous "Devil's Dictionary." H
444 Advice Squad Take any letter from today's advice columns and answer it in the voice of someone famous, living or dead. H
441 Spit the Difference Take any two nouns that appear on the front page of today's Washington Post and explain how the nouns differ from each other. H
440 Picture This What is going on in these cartoons? H H
437 The Telegraph Poll Tell us the beginning of a joke that badly telegraphs the punch line. H H
430 OMB Directive No. 2 Revisit any contest The Style Invitational has ever run, and rewrite our tawdry past by proposing a new first-prize winner serious and/or decorous enough to please the Ombudsman. H
429 Shark Instruments Tell us what would be a sign that any current institution--TV show, newspaper feature, magazine, business, etc.--has jumped the shark. H
427 Skinned Come up with events that have a smaller chance of happening than the Redskins winning the Super Bowl. H
419 Don't Spare the Rodney Come up with indications that one might not be getting no respect. 1 H
418 Xtreme Invitational Come up with signs you are overdoing it any in any of the provided categories. H
416 Diff'rent Jokes Describe how things might have been different if a famous person, living or dead, had had one of the provided conditions. H
410 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
402 Spitting the Difference Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. 2 H H


Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"


"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.

[still working on this ...]