PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR SARAH WORCESTER

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1457 What is Ask Backwards XL? You are on "Jeopardy!"; various answers are provided. You provide the questions. H
925 A remeaning task Redefine a word in the dictionary beginning with I through O. P
875 Fail Us Give us a funny Learn From My Fail-type lesson, 30 words or fewer, true or not, in your own words or attributed to a famous personage. P
807 Pretty Graphic Expressions Express some insight as an equation or other mathematical expression. H
764 Can You Up Chuck? Come up with entirely new and funny Chuck Norris Facts. I
750 Hit Us With Your Best Shot: Photo Contest No. 4 Illustrate, any way you like, any of the provided five captions with your own original photo. P P
731 Doo Process Describe for us a wildly inefficient and ridiculous way to produce or prepare an ordinary dish or beverage. 2
686 It's Baaaaack! Explain why you, or anyone else in particular, ought to have this fine oil-on-panel by Fred Dawson of Beltsville, or what it might be used for. H
609 A2D2 Give us some funny "corrections" to brighten up Page A2. P
592 We Got Gamy Offer us a concise idea for a Super Bowl commercial, or some innovative halftime entertainment, or some inappropriate sponsors, or some ideas for improving the game itself. H
575 T Hee Hee Come up with new ideas for both front and back of the Loser T-shirts. W
538 Try, Try Again Enter any previous Invitational. Your entry must be substantially different from the original winners. H
522 Being There Set the agenda for a flash mob, one of those existential, Web-arranged, sudden, pointless, instantaneous but brief gatherings of people at odd places, to do odd things. W
478 Do You Mindset? Anticipate items for the Mindset List for the freshman class of the year 2020. H
457 Letter Rip Give us the beginning of a letter to the editor that is certain never to see print. 1 H
456 A Bad-Ask Contest You are still on Jeopardy!, and you still have to supply questions to the provided answers, but the winners will be the least funny answers. H
452 Russellmania! (1) Design one or more steps for a 12-step program for the recovering Invitationalaholic; (2) Propose a devious method by which we might lure Russell Beland back. H H
427 Skinned Come up with events that have a smaller chance of happening than the Redskins winning the Super Bowl. H H W
426 Captions Courageous Take any photograph or illustration from today's Washington Post and give it a more interesting caption. H
422 Taught Language Come up with lessons learned from (1) the movies, (2) popular songs, (3) romance novels or (4) the comics page. H
391 Spinning Out of Control Take a headline in today's Washington Post and create a subhead that spins the story in an opposite or unexpected direction. H W
384 What's Your Story? Take at least four of the provided cartoons, arrange them in any sequence you wish, and make up a funny story that they would illustrate. W
370 No End in Sight Write the beginnings of sentences you don't want to hear the end of. H
360 No Competition Create a list of 25 names, each linked in some way to the name before, and you must begin and end with Mary Ann Madden. H
343 Eastwood Ho. Create a Good-Bad-Ugly progression. I
335 A LOVER'S SPAT Enter the contest that is run by the editor of your choice. H
328 NICE CAPADES Send in some pleasant observation, in which you take a really cheerful or heartwarming view of something that less charitable people might conceivably see differently. H
321 INTERPRET THIS Take any of the provided cartoons and come up with a matched pair of interpretations for what is happening. 3
305 ASK BACKWARDS CMXVI2 You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? P
297 FREE FOR OIL Take any article in today's paper, and write an outraged letter to the editor about it that totally misses the point, either by misreading a word or misunderstanding the topic. P
274 THE DROLL OF A LIFETIME Be the New Yorker comics editor, and explain to readers of The Washington Post why the provided jokes are charmingly witty. H
272 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these cartoons? H
264 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? H
261 WHAT IF YOU GIVE IT A TRY II Alter some crucial moment in history, and then tell us the likely outcome. P
259 SPARE EXCHANGE, BUDDY? Take any phone number of any business or government office in the Washington area, translate the first two digits into their constituent letters and propose any appropriate one-word exchange. H
258 IT'S A BIRD. IT'S A PAIN. Choose one or more of the provided super powers and tell us what you would do with it. P
257 LET US PLAY Create a game, or a prank, that can be played using any two or more of the provided objects. 2
256 THE PYLE INVITATIONAL Come up with hip, contemporary riddles and answers. The punch line must contain a painful pun. P
252 MAKE YOUR MOVIE Propose people who were the secret inspiration for famous movies. H
251 QUOTH THE MAVEN Take any famous line, change it by one letter only (add, subtract or change a single letter), and reattribute it. H
248 STICKER SCHLOCK Come up with a message for our new, mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker, something that summarizes the grandeur and dignity of this stupid contest. H
246 OUR OWN DEVICES What do these contraptions do? Tell us in 50 words or fewer. H
237 ASK BACKWARD You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
233 SEEKING PARODY Take any paragraph appearing on Page A1 of today's Washington Post, and rewrite it in the style of any famous writer. H
226 GOING WITHOUT Complete some variation of the expression "An A without a B is like a C without a D." H
224 DRAWING CONCLUSIONS What is wrong with these pictures? H H
223 ATTEMPTING REENTRY Submit entries to any past contest, so long as you never submitted them before. H
221 SONG SUNG BROWN Pick any song, pick a well-known line, and give us the discarded first draft. If it is part of a rhyme, you must maintain the rhyme. 1
220 RSVP Provide an answer to any of the dumb questions from Week 217. H
212 DUMB AS THE POST Come up with even stupider crimes than those committed by Montgomery County's "gentleman burglars." 1
211 GIVE US THE BACKS OFF YOUR SHIRTS Design the back of the fourth Style Invitational T-shirt, with anything that captures the transcendent indignity of this contest. 4
205 SOME PIG Beg for the prize: convince us why you, and you alone, deserve to get it. H
200 CAPTION CRUNCH IV Supply a new caption to any photograph appearing anywhere in today's Post, to make it funnier. H
199 WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. 1
195 THE MARTHIAN CHRONICLES Come up with items for Martha Stewart's December-January calendar of projects. H H
191 GOING THROUGH A PHRASE Come up with phrase for an American English phrasebook that would provide no practical help whatsoever to a foreigner trying to get along in the United States. 3 H I
190 OFFICE YOU CAN'T REFUSE Come up with a Principle for the Workplace. H
187 RACE TO THE FINISH LINE In 75 words or fewer, continue in a productive fashion the story line of the provided real first lines of famous literary works. 3
182 CAN YOU STOP THIS? Come up with a conversation stopper, a line likely to end all further discourse, perhaps even empty a room. H I
181 YOU CAN TAKE IT TO DEBUNK Take a common slogan or saying and prove it wrong with at least one example. H
180 WHEN IN DOUBT, PUN Take any headline in today's Post and improve it by somehow turning it into a pun. H
174 THE EDGE OF MIGHT Complete any of the four provided "you might" phrases. A P
171 ON SECOND THOUGHT Ideas that never got off the drawing board, for good reason. H
168 LICENSE TO CARRY A PUN Come up with original jokes like those provided. H
166 DOO WAH DOODY We are looking for really bad lyrics to real rock songs. Your lyrics must be from a reasonably popular song, and you must include the name of the singer or songwriter. H
165 WHEEL OF TORTURE Complete any of the provided "Wheel of Fortune" phrases. W
162 MAY WE HAVE YOUR PRETENSION, PLEASE? Come up with the most pretentious original sentence possible. H H
161 CAPITOL MISTAKES Come up with very, very bad advice for first-time visitors to Washington. H H
160 SEEKING WISE GUYS Come up with cool new bad-guy terms. H H
153 STUMP US Complete this sentence, "I should be elected President of the United States because…" and launch your campaign. 5
151 STRIP MINING Come up with a concept for a new, controversial strip to replace an existing one in The Post. 4
147 JUST FOR LIFFS Come up with original liffs, which identify a familiar, tantalizing concept without a word to define it, and pairs it with a perfectly good but underutilized word that just loafs around on maps and street signs. H H
145 LOOIE, LOOIE Come up with paired, themed ladies' room and men's room signs for various types of public places. 3
143 IT'S MY PARODY (& I'LL TRY IF I WANT TO) Rewrite any common jingle or theme song in the style of famous writer. H
142 EXHIBITING BAD TENDENCIES Come up with the winner of next year's Turner Prize, which says its aim is to expand ideas of what is art. H H H H
141 ASK BACKWARD VII You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H
137 VELVIS LIVES Come up with a title and/or art gallery blurb for this velvet Elvis painting. H
133 LIKE, WOW. Come up with funny analogies. H H
132 GIVE US THE BACKS OFF OUR SHIRTS. What should our loser's T-shirt say on the back? Your goal is to somehow capture the spirit of the contest. H
129 REMAKE US HAPPY Come up with alternative story lines to movie titles, new or old. H W
122 THE UNKINDEST CUTE OF ALL Come up with a new story line for "Peanuts", some plot development or new character that will put the strip back on the road to relevance. W
121 IT'S NO USE Come up with useless products. H H
118 WEAK 118 Take any photo caption or headline appearing anywhere in today's Post and alter its meaning by adding, deleting, or changing one letter. E
112 POOP FICTION Come up with the opening lines of a book so bad it will compel you to stop reading immediately; maximum 50 words. H
111 ASK BACKWARDS V Here are the answers. What are the questions? H
106 DRAWING CONCLUSIONS Who are these people, and what are they doing? 1
103 SEND HELP. Come up with ways to raise some badly needed cash for the District of Columbia. 1
98 YOUR CHEATIN' ART Come up with titles for country music songs featuring any one or more of the following themes: cheatin', thievin', drinkin', truckin', lovin' or dogs. 1
94 WEEKS 1-93 Come up with a great answer to any previous Style Invitational contest, an answer you may have thought of after the contest was over. R
93 I WANT THE MONGOOSE Tell us, in 50 words or fewer, why you must have this elegant piece of taxidermy featuring a snake being killed by a mongoose. H
89 CHILD'S PLAY Come up with bad ideas for new toys for the Christmas season. H
88 GIVE US SOME GOOD NEWS Come up with ways things are going to be different now that Republicans have ascended to power. H
87 WEST EASY, ANN Come up with good things about West Virginia, in 50 words of fewer. H
85 PLAY MYTHTY FOR ME Come up with new urban myths, those vaguely believable, wildly paranoid stories that circulate by word of mouth until they are generally accepted as true. H I
82 PICTURE THIS Who are these people, and what are they doing? 3
78 SEEKING SMART MORONS Come up with an oxymoron for our times, an expression made bogus by the fact that it combines incompatible, contradictory ideas. H
73 LUNACY Tell us what Neil Armstrong should have said upon stepping onto the moon's surface, instead of what he did, the greatest gaffe in the history of Historic Sayings. H H
72 OH, HELL Come up with the perfect vision of Hell for a famous person, living or dead. H H
71 CAPTION CRUNCH III Come up with a new, funnier caption for any picture or illustration anywhere in today's newspaper. 4 H
70 SOUNDS LIKE A BAD IDEA Come up with jokes based on noises. H
67 FAMOUS LAST WORDS Make up the last words of famous dead people whose last words are unknown. H
66 THE SON-OF-SMITH LAW In 50 words or fewer, what do we do about the Chuck Smith problem? H
62 BAD NEWS BEARERS Come up with statements one would not want to hear from friends, relatives, service personnel, etc. W
58 PLAY IT AGAIN, DENZEL Bring Casablanca into the 1990s. Write the opening of a plot outline, in 120 words or fewer. 2
50 GIVE US THIS DAY There are no holidays between Presidents' Day and Memorial Day, a cheerless run of more than three months. Let's stick one in there, somewhere. The holiday should celebrate something or someone uniquely American. Tell us the date, the name of the holiday and how it should be observed. H
48 SNIVEL WAR Beg for the coveted Style Invitational T-shirts. R
46 WE WANT STUPID ENTRIES ONLY Make up a sentence that, were it not for this contest, would never be uttered. I

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]