PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR GENE WEINGARTEN

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1283 Put it in Bee-verse Write a humorous poem of eight lines or fewer that includes one of the provided words, all from the 2018 National Spelling Bee. H
1276 What 4? A limerick contest Use a limerick using one of the provided lines as Line 5. H
1270 The Style Invitational turns 5 x 5 Write a witty poem, on any subject, in any of these forms:
A. Five lines of five syllables each
B. Five lines of five words each
C. Five lines of iambic pentameter
H
1261 Post mortems -- our annual obit poem contest Write a humorous poem of no longer than eight lines about someone who died in 2017. H
1250 Poems of the year(s) Write a humorous poem incorporating three or more terms from a particular year or era listed on Time Traveler. H
1231 TankaWanka 3: Haiku Plus Tu Write a TankaWanka about something that's been in the news lately. The poem must consist of five lines of 5, 7, 5, 7 and 7 syllables in that order. And at least two of the lines must rhyme. H
1212 The Tile Invitational IV Give us a five-, six- or seven-letter word (or two words) by scrambling the letters of any of the provided sets and define it. H
1208 A RIP-roaring year: Obit poems Write a humorous poem of no longer than eight lines about someone who died in 2016. H
1181 Put it in Bee-verse Write a short, humorous poem using one of the 36 provided words, all from the 2016 National Spelling Bee. H
1156 Dead letters Write a humorous poem of no longer than eight line about someone who died in 2015. H
1133 Are 'hew ready? A contest for clerihews A clerihew is a humorous four-line rhyming poem about a person whose name is mentioned in the first line; in fact, the name must be at the end of that line (or constitute the whole line) so that it has to rhyme with something. The rhyme structure (and we don't want "lazy" rhymes) is AABB: the first line rhymes with the second, the third with the fourth. H
1129 Right in the pampootie Write a humorous short poem (eight lines or fewer) incorporating one of the 50 provided words. H
1124 Heed! Indeed: Advice verse Write one of the provided reminders as a humorous poem of eight lines or fewer. H
1105 A lit obit of fun Write a humorous poem of no longer than eight line about someone who died in 2014. H
1095 TankaWanka! Write a TankaWanka about something that's been in the news lately. The poem must consist of five lines of 5, 7, 5, 7 and 7 syllables in that order. And it must include at least one rhyme. H
1090 Talk undirty to us Write a humorous poem in any form (no more than eight lines) that includes one or more of the provided words; the word must make sense in the poem in its TRUE meaning. H
1080 McGonagall with the windiness Memorialize a modern "tragedy" in a poem burdened with hilariously overwrought verse; lame, forced rhymes; and painfully uneven meter. Get the badness across in one verse of no more than eight lines. H
1076 Dactyly fractyly Send us some double dactyls that conform to Gene Weingarten's rules. H
1069 It's a small, small world Write a humorous poem of no more than eight lines -- it doesn't have to rhyme -- using only the top 1,000 words on Wiktionary.org's list of the most common among 20 million words found in movie and TV scripts. H
1062 Scanning the headlines Write a rhyming poem about something currently in the news. H
1054 Dead letters Write a short, humorous poem commemorating someone (or maybe even something) who died in 2013. H
1023 Hai there, Martians! Write one or more humorous haiku that will greet the Martians or share a little nugget of what life is like on Earth. H
1004 Dead letters Write a humorous poem about anyone who died in 2012. H
983 Limerixicon IX Supply a humorous limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters "eq-" through "ez-". H
978 A reason to rhyme the news Write a short verse about something that's been in the news recently. H
952 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem about someone who died in 2011. H
933 Stories that count (to 56) Write a humorous story in exactly 56 words. H
931 Limerixicon 8 Supply a humorous limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters ea- through -el. H
924 Doomed to repeat it Create "Unreal Facts" about history. H
921 Give Us Willies Write an original Little Willie poem, perhaps reflecting our current era. This is a venerable four-line genre in which Master W. does some nasty thing and doesn't tend to learn to be a Good Boy by poem's end. H
920 Sarchiasm Write an original chiasmus, in which the elements of a phrase are inverted for comedic effect. H
919 Good Luck With 13 Alter a 13-letter word, phrase or name by one letter (add a letter, drop a letter, switch two letters somewhere in the word, or substitute one letter for another) and describe the result. H H
917 Wryku Write a haiku--a sentiment that can be broken into three lines with exactly five syllables in the first lien, seven in the second, five in the third--on any subject that's been in the news in the last couple of weeks. H
893 Give us a hint Write a humorously witty story in 25 words or fewer. H
850 Dead letters Write a humorous poem about someone who died in 2009. H
829 Limerixicon 6 Supply a humorous limerick prominently featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters di-. H
827 Caller Idiot Name a real product or company and supply a stupid question or complaint for the consumer hotline person. I
777 Limerixicon 5 Supply a humorous limerick featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters da-. H
748 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem about a well-known personage who died in 2007. I
734 Turnaround Time Write a rhyming couplet containing two words that are anagrams of each other. I
726 Limerixicon 4 Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the dictionary beginning with cl- through co-. H
725 Beggars For Description Describe, without being boring, a cartoon to fit any of the provided captions. I
712 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in the results of Week 708, and name THEIR foal. H
666 Bedevil Us Give a mini-sermon explaining how some innocuous object or event signals the End of Days. I
648 Caller IDiot Name a product or company and supply a stupid question to ask the consumer hotline person. A
593 Take This, Job, and Come up with some entertainingly awful things that a Job's comforter might offer. A Job's comforter is someone who seems to be offering sympathy but instead just makes the person feel worse, either intentionally or unintentionally. L
338 WHO WANTS TO WIN A TOILET? Propose even greater depths of shameless, tasteless sleaze to which Fox TV is likely to sink after the noisome debacle of "Who Wants to Marry and Multi-Millionaire?" D

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]