PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR BIRD WARING

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1276 What 4? A limerick contest Use a limerick using one of the provided lines as Line 5. H
1272 The hex files: creative curses Come up with a creative curse. H
1270 The Style Invitational turns 5 x 5 Write a witty poem, on any subject, in any of these forms:
A. Five lines of five syllables each
B. Five lines of five words each
C. Five lines of iambic pentameter
H
1260 What lies (are) ahead for 2018 Jokingly predict some news event to happen in 2018. H
1255 Tour de Fours XIV: SANT is coming Coin a word or multi-word term that contains the letter-block S-A-N-T; the letters may be in any order, but there may be no other letters between them. H
1251 Thanking outside the box Tell us something to be thankful for. H
1249 Ask Backwards 36 Choose any of the 15 provided items and follow it with a question that it could humorously answer. H H H
1247 Script tease Offer a quote from a script whose title you've given a different plot. H
1244 Primed for product reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. H
1232 Picture this -- a caption contest Write a caption for one or more of the provided cartoons. H
1230 What in creation . . . ? Supply a brief monologue or dialogue about a Creator's specifications or planning for some living being. 4
1225 The Ideas of March Suggest a march for some group or field, along with one or more slogans. (You might also, or instead, comment on the march with some pertinent wordplay.) H H
1224 We beg you to differ Explain how any two (or more) items in the provided list are the same or different, or otherwise connected. H
1212 The Tile Invitational IV  Give us a five-, six- or seven-letter word (or two words) by scrambling the letters of any of the provided sets and define it. H
1209 Invented facts: A fictoid contest Tell us a humorously untrue account of how a product or invention came to be, or got its name. H
1203 You've got the powers Tell us what you would do if you had one or more of the six magical powers provided. 4
1194 Nyetymologies: fake word origins Provide a humorously untrue explanation for the derivation of a word. H
1192 Ask Backwards The 15 provided phrases above are the answers. You provide  the questions to as many as you’d like (up to 25 entries  total).  H
1185 The Rorschach of the crowd Interpret one of more of the provided genuine inkblots. You may look at them upside down or sideways. H
1179 Blasted alphabetical contests . . . Coin a three-word phrase whose words begin with A, B and C -- in any order -- and describe it. A
1178 A ______ of collective nouns Propose one or more funny new names for groups of things. H
1163 Put it in reverse Spell a word, name or phrase backward and define the result in a way that relates to the original. H
1160 A remeaning task Redefine an existing word or two-word term beginning with P through Z. H
1159 It's all in the game Come up with a funny/ridiculous board-type game and describe it. H
1151 To [a glass], snarkly Write a short, snarky (but witty) note to one of the provided glassbowls. H H
1147 It's E-Z find-a-word -- yours Create a word or multi-word term that consists of adjacent letters -- in any direction or several directions -- in the provided grid, and provide a humorous definition. H
1144 Someone else's business Name a real brand, along with something else it would be a better name for. H H
1143 Ask Backwards Provided are 15 answers, separated by asterisks. You supply the questions. 3 H
1141 Mess with our heads Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in the Post (print or online) Sept. 17-28 by writing a bankhead, or subtitle. H H
1130 Yux Redux: Play on a foreign phrase Make a word play on a foreign phrase or term (or English phrase using foreign words) and describe it. W
1126 Picture this Provide a humorous caption for any of the cartoons provided. H H
1116 Punning in place Create a new term using only the letters in a place name. You don't have to use all the letters, but you can't use a letter more often than it appears in the word. H
1114 Awww together now Write us a humorous headline -- from the past, present, or future -- that puts an optimistic perspective on some otherwise not-so-promising news. H
1110 The mama of all humor Write a [Someone’s] Mama joke for some well-known figure, past or present, real or fictional. H
1109 Fictoids of Columbia Tell us some humorously untrue “facts” about Washington, D.C., and the surrounding area. H
1098 Prime time for some Amazon reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. H
1096 Picture this Write a humorous caption for any of the provided Bob Staake cartoon. H H H
1091 Good idea! or not. Come up with a good idea and, through a small change in wording, a bad idea. H
1088 Ask backwards with our answers, your questions Supply the questions to as many of the 16 supplies answers as you like. H
1083 Everybody get appy Offer up an idea for either a humorously useful app or a humorously counterproductive one. H
1081 It's the stupidity, stupid Write us stupid questions that will make us laugh. H
1075 Falsity is Job One Send us some fictoids about cars and trucks and driving and stuff. H
1073 Bank shots: Mess with (y)our heads Quote a headline appearing in the Washington Post, washington.com or another publication, print or headline, dated May 22 to June 1, and supply a bank" headline that either misinterprets it, as in the examples above, or comments wryly on it. 3 H
1068 An iffy proposition Suggest some humorous action that you would take if you were in someone's position, more or less in the form "If I were _____ my first act would be _____." H
1064 HistoRebuffs Alter some moment in history and tell us -- in no more than about 50 words -- the likely outcome. H
1061 Less taste, more fill-in Give us a novel clue for any word or phrase in which the remaining letters in the provided crossword puzzle fit, across or down. H
1060 Picture this Write a caption, or captions, for one or more of the provided cartoons. H
1058 Eastwood Ho Create a good-bad-ugly progression. H
1057 Sportin' lie Give us some fake sports trivia. H
1048 Ask Backwards You supply the questions to as many of the provided answers as you like. H H H
1045 Songs for the asking Take a sentence, phrase or title forms a song and provide a funny question it might answer. H H
1041 What have you got to lose? Answer a question, real or rhetorical, that appears in a song. H H
1037 Outrage us Find something offensive about an inoffensive name of a product, organization, place, etc. H H
1026 'Might' makes ink Give us a joke using any of the using any of the provided "you might be" templates. H
1022 What's the diff? Explain how any two of the provided items are alike or different. H
1011 Top these! Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back. H
1006 It's a ... a ... Create a new superhero (or due) and describe the superpower, or not-very-superpower. 3
1002 Wring out the OED Make up a false definition from any other the listed OED words. H
1001 Make us ROFL Give us a funny, original acronym. 4
1000 We now have 4 digits; you now have 7 letters Choose any word, name or two-word term beginning anywhere from T through Z; then add one letter, drop one letter, substitute one letter for another, or transpose two adjacent letters, and define the result. 4 H
998 Set the law on us Suggest an odd law for a particular place in the world. H H
997 Unworthy causes Name a dubious charity and describe its mission. H H
995 Ask backwards We give you the "answers" and you supply jokes in the form of a question. H
994 Stick it to us Suggest a slogan for one of our two new honorable-mention Loser Magnets for 2012-2013. H
993 Versus, verses Write a short "rap battle" between any two characters, real or fictional. H
991 Tour de Fours IX Create a new word or two-word term containing the letter block V, O, T, and E and define it. H H
987 Bank shots Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 6 through Sept. 17 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
980 Def jam Supply a humorous definition for any of the provided Loser-penned neologisms. H
979 The madding crowd Suggest funny, original ways to tick people off. H H
973 A real triple crown The horses in this week's list either produced no inking "foals" in Week 965, or ran in the Kentucky Derby but weren't on the initial list. "Breed" any two and name the foal. H
972 Trends and neighbors Choose any two items on the provided list and explain how they are alike or different. W
960 Raving reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. H
957 Fearful Symmetry Write a clever passage who successive words are on letter longer until the middle of the passage, and then become one letter shorter. W
956 Give us some bad ideas Finish any of the provided "You know" phrases. 2
955 Twits' twist Create a phrase by combining a word or phrase with an anagram of that word or phrase, and define or describe it. H
953 Clue us in Come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the crossword puzzle that's already run in The Post. H
950 Of all the nerve! Give us a humorous example of hypothetical chutzpah. H
941 They don't say! Give us a quote that a particular person, present or past, real or fictional, sooo wouldn't have said. H
938 Free and Lear Write a limerick using the first two lines of any of Edward Lear's 115 limericks plus your own remaining three lines. H
937 Staake it to him Write a caption for any of the five pages or details pictured from some of Bob's more than 50 picture books. H
932 We'll call them your-mama jokes Tell us an original "your mama" joke. H
928 Play feature Use the title of a movie as the answer to a riddle or other question. H
926 Outrageous fortunes Come up with a fortune cookie line that you'd like to see. H
911 Help! Create a short humorous dialogue -- or a monologue featuring one party -- of a phone call to 911, or a call for help to someone else. H
909 Reprizing Suggest humorous uses for one or more of the items above, alone or in combination. H
907 Naming rite Come up with a creative, somehow fitting sponsor for some public facility or part of one. H H
905 Anticdotes Give us an untrue anecdote responding to one of these past Editor's Query topics. H
904 We move on back Move the first letter in a word or name to the end of that word and define the resulting word. H
900 Dear us! Submit a "Dear Blank" letter to us instead. H
895 Picture this Supply a caption for any of these cartoons. H H
892 Get a move on Change the location of something for humorous effect. Provide an explanation if you wish. H
879 Say Venn Express some sentiment in the form of a Venn diagram. H
875 Fail Us Give us a funny Learn From My Fail-type lesson, 30 words or fewer, true or not, in your own words or attributed to a famous personage. H
858 Same OED Make up a false definition for any of the words listed below. H
854 What's not to liken? Produce one or more similes in any of the following categories. H H
838 Picture This Provide a caption for any of these pictures. H
833 Our Greatest Hit Start with a real word or multi-word term or name that begins with M, N, O, or P; add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H
820 Be Mister Language Person Supply a Mister Language Person-type question and answer. H
819 Art Re-View These objects are not what they seem to be, at first glance. They are something else entirely. What are they? H
806 DQ Very Much Give us a phrase or sentence that would nip a potential relationship in the bud (or elsewhere). H
800 Compairison Briefly define or sum up an existing word or short phrase, then change it very slightly and do the same with the result. 3
792 Clue Us In Compile a set of funny alternative clues to a crossword penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H H H
782 That's the Ticket! Explain why any of the items on the list below is qualified to be President of the United States. H
749 Opus 266, No. 3 Take any common word or two-word term beginning with any letter from A through H and give it a new definition. H
725 Beggars For Description Describe, without being boring, a cartoon to fit any of the provided captions. H
685 Thank it Over Tell us some things to be thankful for. H
684 Backtricking Spell a word backward and define the result, somehow relating the definition to the original word. H
679 Ask Backwards Here are the answers. You supply the questions to as many as you dare. H
672 Just Sign This Write a funny message for an overhead highway sign. H
668 Cut From the Chase Write an original John-Bunnell-style wrap-up to a crime story -- or one for a more minor transgression. H
667 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com anytime from now through June 26 and supply a question it could answer. H
631 Picture This What's going on in any of these cartoons? H
609 A2D2 Give us some funny "corrections" to brighten up Page A2. H
600 Top of the Inking Tell us some ways the District of Columbia will change now that we have the Nationals. H
586 God's Will (and Won't) Complete either of the following: "If God hadn't wanted is to ----, God wouldn’t have ----"; "If God had wanted us to ----, God would have ----." H
576 Well, Excuuuuse Us! Come up with new excuses for any common human shortcoming or imperfection. H
574 Boor Us Silly Come up with some unwise attempts at humor--one either likely to backfire or to create other unpleasant consequences. 1
556 So Zoo Us Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it. H H
550 Spring Cleaning Suggest creative uses for things you've already used, or never will use, or other disposable household thingies, singly or in combination. W
540 Revisionist History, or Badenov for You? State any news event (or old event) in the style of the Rocky-and-Bullwinkle teasers about the next show. H
536 And the Horse He Rodin On Come up with some words we can stick in the back of The Inker. H
532 Short Pans Come up with a terse review (four words or fewer) of any work of art. H
531 Your Cynic Duties Come up with a saying that sound as if it's going to be inspirational, but winds up being cynical, misanthropic or sad. H
530 Tri Harder Take any word, alter it in three ways--by adding a letter, by subtracting a letter and by changing a letter--and redefine all three new words. H
522 Being There Set the agenda for a flash mob, one of those existential, Web-arranged, sudden, pointless, instantaneous but brief gatherings of people at odd places, to do odd things. H
514 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? H
509 Be a Real Card Come up with a greeting card rhyme for an un-greeting-card occasion. I
508 Letter Rip Take a word from the dictionary, add, change, or delete a single letter, and redefine the word. 4
507 Crocktails Come up with a drink named for something or someone associated with Washington and describe the drink. H
496 The Style Invitational: The First Dreckade Submit new entries to any of the old contest listed, and try to beat The Very Best of the Past 10 Years. H H H
494 Quote-idian Take any extremely banal piece of familiar writing and rewrite it in the style of a famous writer, poet or lyricist. H
489 Combo, First Blood Combine two people whose names contain a common element, as in the examples above. Then describe the person, or provide a quote he or she might have uttered. H
480 In No Uncertain Terminations Come up with a way to stop any unwanted overture in its tracks. H
477 A Load of Bulwer Give us the beginning of incompetently written novel. H
475 Bad Connection Take any two seemingly unrelated stories from anywhere in today's Washington Post and explain how their subjects are linked in some unholy conspiracy or other suspicious way. I
474 Alphabettering Create a sentence that uses each letter the alphabet at least once but that would never be heard on the politically correct, genteel, rarified air of NPR. H
473 Offensive Line Find what's offensive in any of the provided cartoons, and explain. H
472 Water Stupid Idea Propose bad ideas for saving water in the continuing drought. H H
471 Excuses, Excuses Come up with creative new excuses for not turning in homework, not filing your taxes on time, missing church or forgetting your spouse's birthday. H
468 Ism This Stupid? Take any common prefix and attach it to any well-known "ism" and define the new term. 5 H
466 Spit the Difference Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H
464 Cursive Writing Come up with a new curse for this millennium. H
463 Retell Sales Give us the beginning of any well-known story as retold by any famous person, living or dead, except for Ronald Reagan. 2
461 Punch Us Again Take any comic from the daily Washington Post during the next week and make it better by changing the contents of the final word balloon. 3
457 Letter Rip Give us the beginning of a letter to the editor that is certain never to see print. 3 H
455 Comixing Create new comic characters by crossing two existing characters, then describe the character. H H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]