PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR HOWARD WALDERMAN

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1276 What 4? A limerick contest Use a limerick using one of the provided lines as Line 5. L
1260 What lies (are) ahead for 2018 Jokingly predict some news event to happen in 2018. 4
1255 Tour de Fours XIV: SANT is coming Coin a word or multi-word term that contains the letter-block S-A-N-T; the letters may be in any order, but there may be no other letters between them. H
1247 Script tease Offer a quote from a script whose title you've given a different plot. H
1243 We bid you: No T-R-U-M-P Coin a new term, or choose an existing one, whose letters do not include a T, R, U, M, or P, and write a humorous definition. H
1228 That movie is SO about you Name someone who was the "secret inspiration" for a certain movie. H
1217 Mergers you wrote: Combine two businesses with puns Give a clever name for a combination of two or more businesses. H
1211 The best tweets in history Write a stupidly disparaging tweet (140 characters or fewer, including spaces) about some laudable figure of past or present, true or fictional. I
1207 Clue us in -- a reverse crossword Supply clever, funny clues to up to 25 of the 72 words and multi-word terms in the provided grid. H H
1205 Could we just have a do-over? Yes, we could. Enter (or re-enter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1149 to 1201, except for Week 1152, last year's do-over. H
1203 You've got the powers Tell us what you would do if you had one or more of the six magical powers provided. H
1197 Picture This -- It's a Bob Staake caption contest Write a caption for any of the cartoons provided. H
1191 Mess with our heads Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in The Post (print or online) and dated Sept. 1-12 by writing a bank head, or subtitle H
1187 Just drop it, okay? Drop the last letter from an existing word, phrase or name and define the result. H
1185 The Rorschach of the crowd Interpret one of more of the provided genuine inkblots. You may look at them upside down or sideways. H
1183 C'mon, be honest with us Write something in roughly the form "If X were more honest, (then) Y. 4
1171 What's my (next) line? Take a line from any song and pair it with your own second line to make a humorous rhyming couplet; the second line should match the rhythm of the first, rather than the second line of the song itself. H H
1165 B all you can B Change a word, phrase or name by adding one or more B's, and/or by replacing one or more letters with B's, and define your new term. H
1162 An 8-year Re-Onion Write a fictional Onion-type headline. H
1160 A remeaning task Redefine an existing word or two-word term beginning with P through Z. 2 H
1155 Vowel movement Choose a title of book, movie, play or TV show; drop all the vowels (including Y when it's used as a vowel); then add your choice of vowels -- as many as you like -- to create a new work; and describe it. 3 H
1146 Stick it to us with a magnet Suggest a new Style Invitational honorable-mention magnet. W
1134 The 'Sty'le Invitational Red'ux' Put quotation marks around part of a word, name or phrase and define the result. H
1129 Right in the pampootie Write a humorous short poem (eight lines or fewer) incorporating one of the 50 provided words. H
1122 Colt Following: 'Grandfoals' "Breed" any two of the 65 foal names that got ink this week and name the offspring to reflect the parents' names. H
1115 Our type o' headline Change a headline in an article or ad in the Washington Post and then add a "bank head" or subtitle. H H
1106 Show your resolve Suggest a New Year's resolution that someone might make 100 or more years in the future. H
1105 A lit obit of fun Write a humorous poem of no longer than eight line about someone who died in 2014. H
1103 Themes good enough for us Suggest an existing song to be used as the theme for a TV series or program for comic effect. M
1099 Questionable journalism Take a sentence (or most of a sentence) that appears in an article in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com dated Nov. 20 through Dec. 1 (in print, any article from those days' papers), and make up a question that the sentence could answer. H
1088 Ask backwards with our answers, your questions Supply the questions to as many of the 16 supplies answers as you like. H
1082 Band on the pun Alter the name of a music group or performer slightly -- not necessarily by just one letter, but enough so it's obvious what the original is -- and describe it in some way. H
1068 An iffy proposition Suggest some humorous action that you would take if you were in someone's position, more or less in the form "If I were _____ my first act would be _____." H
1066 It's mating season "Breed" any two from the provided list of 100 of the 3-year-old racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown and name the foal to reflect both names. H
1065 The ands have it Slightly alter ANY well-known phrase in the form "A-and-B" -- it doesn't have to be Latinate/Anglo-Saxon -- and define it. H H
1050 Just redo it Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 1000 through Week 1046. H
1047 Bank shots Quote a headline appearing in The Washington Post, washingtonpost.com or another publication, print or online, dated Nov. 14 to Nov. 25, and supply a humorous "bank" headline that either misinterprets it or comments wryly on it. H
1037 Outrage us Find something offensive about an inoffensive name of a product, organization, place, etc. H
1029 Ditty Harry Write a descriptive theme song for a well-known movie, set to a well-known tune. T
1025 In so many words Create an original backronym for a name or other term, especially one that's been in the news lately. H H
1016 Foaling around Breed any two of the horses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races and give the foal a name humorously reflecting the names of the parents. T
1012 The news at 5 Write a limerick about a recent news event. H
1011 Top these! Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back. H
1010 Picture this Write a caption for any of the five provided cartoons. H
1008 Switched reels Re-arrange all the words in the title of a movie, and describe the resulting work. H
1007 Clue us in Come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the provided grid. H
1004 Dead letters Write a humorous poem about anyone who died in 2012. H
1002 Wring out the OED Make up a false definition from any other the listed OED words. H
1000 We now have 4 digits; you now have 7 letters Choose any word, name or two-word term beginning anywhere from T through Z; then add one letter, drop one letter, substitute one letter for another, or transpose two adjacent letters, and define the result. H
995 Ask backwards We give you the "answers" and you supply jokes in the form of a question. H
994 Stick it to us Suggest a slogan for one of our two new honorable-mention Loser Magnets for 2012-2013. H
990 Indecent relations Pair two people, real or fictional, who have the same last name; say how they're alike or different, or something they might do (even in fantasy), as a pair. H
987 Bank shots Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 6 through Sept. 17 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. 3
986 Hear here! Give us a sentence or short dialogue that would be a lot funnier if a word in it were mistaken for a homophone of that word. H
973 A real triple crown The horses in this week's list either produced no inking "foals" in Week 965, or ran in the Kentucky Derby but weren't on the initial list. "Breed" any two and name the foal. H
969 Colt following Breed any two "foals" in today's results, and name the grandfoal. H
962 Questionable journalism Take any sentence (or a major part of it) that appears in the Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com anytime from now through March 19 and supply a question it could answer. H
948 Look back in Inker Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 891 through 94 (except for Week 896, which was the same contest for the previous year). H
947 Tour de Fours VIII: Neologisms Come up with a new word or two-word term that includes the letter block N-O-E-L, in any order but with no other letters between them, and define it. H
939 MASH 2: The Retread Combine two movie titles and describe the result. H
925 A remeaning task Redefine a word in the dictionary beginning with I through O. H
919 Good Luck With 13 Alter a 13-letter word, phrase or name by one letter (add a letter, drop a letter, switch two letters somewhere in the word, or substitute one letter for another) and describe the result. H
917 Wryku Write a haiku--a sentiment that can be broken into three lines with exactly five syllables in the first lien, seven in the second, five in the third--on any subject that's been in the news in the last couple of weeks. 4
916 Bank shots Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from April 22 through May and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
907 Naming rite Come up with a creative, somehow fitting sponsor for some public facility or part of one. M
906 Your mug here Give us a new design for the Loser Mug. W
902 What's the good news? Take any sentence, or substantive part of a sentence, or a headline from an article or ad in The Washington Post or washingtonpost.com from Jan. 7 to Jan. 18 and make it sound upbeat (or not so bad). 2
899 Clue us in Send us funny, clever clues for any of the words already in this grid. H
896 Other people's business Describe what might happen if any of the above institutions (a) were run by an institution of your choice or (b) ran an institution of your choice. H
895 Picture this Supply a caption for any of these cartoons. 2
894 Look Back in Inker Enter any Style Invitational from Week 841 through Week 890 (except for Week 844). H
881 What's in a name? Take the name of a person or institution. Find within it a hidden message. H
873 Back to Square 1A Replace the shaded letters in this grid with your own letters to come up with a different word or phrase -- either an existing word or one you make up -- and define it humorously. H H H
869 Clue us in Send us funny, clever clues for any of the words already in this grid. H H
853 It's easy as DEF Create a brand-new word of phrase that contains a block of three successive letters in the alphabet; the series must go forward in the alphabet, not backward. H
850 Dead letters Write a humorous poem about someone who died in 2009. P
836 Other People's Business Describe what might happen if any of the above institutions (a) were run by an institution of your choice or (b) ran an institution of your choice. H
818 Name the Day Cite an actual holiday or one of those silly commemorative days, weeks or months for which you can find previous evidence, and supply a snarky description or slogan. H
812 Rx-Related Humor Offer up some entirely false medical or psychological "fact." H
809 Unkindest Cutlines Supply cutlines, or captions, for any of these newspaper photos. H
801 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. You supply one or more of the questions. H H
790 If Only! Explain how the world would be different had some event not occurred. H
787 Tour de Fours V Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters M, N and E. P
781 Our Greatest Hit Start with a word or multi-word term that begins with I, J, K or L; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose tow adjacent letters; and define the new word. H
766 Think to Shudder Come up with scenarios that are even more awkward (and more imaginative) than the wincers mentioned above. H H
763 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. M
756 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from March 15 through 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
754 Canny Similarities Cite a humorous "uncanny similarity" between any two of the very different people listed above. H
741 Well, What Do You Know? Tell us what Major Life Lessons can be derived from any of these venues or situations. H
736 So, Should I Drive Like Your Brother? Ask a car-related question that would make the Car Guys crack up. If you're not into cars, you can also post a question for advice columnist Ask Amy or etiquette columnist Miss Manners. H
735 Look Back in Inker Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 680 through Week 731. H
734 Turnaround Time Write a rhyming couplet containing two words that are anagrams of each other. H
733 Just Drop It, Okay? Drop the first letter from an actual word or term to make a new word or term, and define it. H H
729 Otherwordly Visions Take any sentence in an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 1 through Sept. 10 and translate it into "plain English." H
724 Abridged Too Far Sum up a book, play or movie in a humorous rhyming verse of two to four lines. H
717 Pitch Us a No-Hitter Send us some genuine Googlenopes. A Googlenope is a phrase or very brief sentence that, entered into the Google search engine with quotation marks around it, produces no hits. H
699 Our Greatest Hit Take a word, term or name that begins with E, F, G or H; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. H
697 We Beg You To Differ Take any two items from the truly random provided list and explain why they are different or why they are similar. H
692 Reinkernation Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 640 through Week 688. Every entry must include the word "three" or "third" or a creative variation. 1 H
680 Rendered Speechless Provide dialogue to fill the balloons in any of these cartoons. H
673 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on Washingtonpost.com from July 30 through Aug. 7 and reinterpret it by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it. H
670 A Test of Character Change a word or phrase by only one letter -- substitute one letter for another, add a letter or transpose two letters -- and explain how they are different or similar. H
667 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com anytime from now through June 26 and supply a question it could answer. H
664 A Thousand Times?! No! Come up with a new signature line for Russell Beland's -- or anyone else's -- e-mails. W
662 How Low Will You Go? Humiliate yourself for ink, and a stupid prize. H
635 I've Told You a Hundred Times Enter any Style Invitational from Week 536 to Week 631. Your entry must be substantially different from than original winners. H
634 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from today through next Sunday, and change its meaning by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it. H
620 Keep the Empress Employed Suggest some original, creative ways that The Post could increase its circulation. H
611 Ask Backwards, Erudite Edition You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the sophisticated answers. You supply the questions. H
605 Truly Stupendous Ideas Name two people with the same initials (the people can be living or dead, real or fictional) and explain how they are similar or different. H
604 Fun for the Roses Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. The name of the foal must be no more than 18 characters, including spaces. H
591 Dead Letters Write rhyming poems about notable personages who have died in the past year. H
578 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions. H H
576 Well, Excuuuuse Us! Come up with new excuses for any common human shortcoming or imperfection. H
570 Timeline Rhyme Lines Produce colorful chronological couplets about some historical event. They must rhyme and be in good meter. H H H
557 Oh, for Namesakes! Take two people, real or fictional, who share some element of their names and explain the difference between them. H
526 Conventional Wisdumb Answer any of the provided questions. H H
499 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown and tell us the name of their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H
496 The Style Invitational: The First Dreckade Submit new entries to any of the old contest listed, and try to beat The Very Best of the Past 10 Years. H
483 Obitter Fate Give us an obit headline for some famous person, currently living or dead. H
450 Blues It or Lose It Write the first verse of a blues song expressing some Washington area woe. H H
441 Spit the Difference Take any two nouns that appear on the front page of today's Washington Post and explain how the nouns differ from each other. H
439 No Can Do Write signs of incompetence. H
426 Captions Courageous Take any photograph of illustration from today's Washington Post and give it a more interesting caption. T
425 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any hyphenated word from any story in today's newspaper and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word in the same story, and propose a definition of the new word you've created. H
422 Taught Language Come up with lessons learned from (1) the movies, (2) popular songs, (3) romance novels or (4) the comics page. H
420 Ha Anxiety Make us laugh. R
419 Don't Spare the Rodney Come up with indications that one might not be getting no respect. H
417 Initially Mistaken Take any name of person or thing, and construct an appropriate message using its letters, in order, as the first letters of the words of your message. H
405 The "Sty"le Invitational Take any word--this may include people or places--put a portion of it in "air quotes" and redefine it. You may not alter the spelling. H
401 A Matter of Degree Describe a sign of some modest change in a situation and pair it with a sign of an extreme change in that same situation. H
390 Canine Fashion Write: 1. A caption for the provided image explaining what is happening; 2. An explanation of why the image is not photography but art; 3. A description of what additional items might be needed to make the image complete. Sex and potty jokes will be disqualified. H
387 By Jingo Come up with a joke that could be written and understood only by a Washingtonian. H
383 A Kinder, Gender Nation Take an noun and give us a reason or two why it should be either masculine or feminine. H
382 Pickup Schticks Write inept pickup lines, by either sex, to either sex. H
379 Rather Unusual Come up with lines that could be uttered by Dan Rather, with his unbearably folksy excesses. H
369 Punch Us Complete any of the provided jokes. U
353 Patently Silly What do these devices do? H
340 ASK BACKWARDS 12 You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? 6 H
336 THE "STY"LE INVITATIONAL Choose any word and emphasize a single part of it, as though you were saying the word out loud with "air quotes" around the key part. Then redefine the word. You cannot alter the spelling of the word. H
334 The New Style Invitational: Six Choice for Czar Vote for one of six possible editors of the Style Invitation, from among the current Czar and five worthy competitors. H
329 THE STYLE INVITATIONAL: HELL Take the name of a person or institution. Find within it a hidden message. You may add spacing and punctuation, but you may not move letters around. H H H H H
327 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
315 FERMENTING TROUBLE Write a rhyming poem, eight lines maximum, on the subject of cheese or any of the provided items. H
307 IF YOU BOYCOTT THIS TASK / YOU WON'T WIN THE FLASK Come up with rhyming couplets to warn us about the perils of modern life. W
290 THE WORLD THEORIES Codify some of life's more populist theories. H
277 LIFE IN THE BLURBS Come up a simple plot summary to help attract the modern audience to any classic work of fiction. It must be literally true and defensible. H
275 THERE ONCE WAS CONTEST FROM NANTUCKET Write a limerick in which the first line is about someone who comes from some place in the Washington area. 2 H
238 CHALK IT UP TO STUPIDITY Propose apologies for yourself in the style of Bart Simpson writing on his blackboard. 2
223 ATTEMPTING REENTRY Submit entries to any past contest, so long as you never submitted them before. H
212 DUMB AS THE POST Come up with even stupider crimes than those committed by Montgomery County's "gentleman burglars." H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]