This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know,

Key to Ink Types:

1267 Jingle bungle Suggest an ill-advised spokesman (dead or alive, or fictional), along with a humorously noooo slogan or jingle. H
1028 Joint Legislation Combine the names of two or more of the First Congress senators and/or representatives to create "joint legislation". H
981 Feeling testy Write a question that "ought to" be on a qualifying test for a particular job. H
980 Def jam Supply a humorous definition for any of the provided Loser-penned neologisms. H
943 Ask backward XXIX You are on "Jeopardy!" You supply the questions for as many of the provided answers as you like. 3
915 Picture this Write a caption for any of the cartoons pictured here. H
897 Catch their drift Take any sentence from an article or ad in The Washington Post or from Dec. 3 to Dec. 13 and translate it into "plain English." H
895 Picture this Supply a caption for any of these cartoons. H
874 Stat Us Write a funny Facebook status line. H H
854 What's not to liken? Produce one or more similes in any of the following categories. W
849 Homonymphomania Create a new homonym (or homophone) for any existing word and define it. H H H
847 Questionable journalism Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in The Post or in an article on from Dec. 11 through Dec. 21 and come up with a question it might answer. H
843 Prefrains Provide a sentence or two of lead-in to the first line of a well-known book, poem, or song. H H
842 Ask backwards Here are your 12 possible answers. Tell us your joke in the form of a question, please. H
840 Frittering away the neurons Give us some more colorfully useful phrases; they don't have to be in the X'ing-the-Y form. 2 H L
839 Overlap Dance Overlap two words that share two or more consecutive letters -- anywhere in the word, not just at the beginning or end -- into a single longer word, and define it. AND your portmanteau word must begin with a letter from A through D. H
838 Picture This Provide a caption for any of these pictures. H
837 Strip Search Combine two comic strips that appear in The Washington Post or at and describe the results. H
835 Tour de Fours VI Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters T, H, R, and E. H
833 Our Greatest Hit Start with a real word or multi-word term or name that begins with M, N, O, or P; add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H
832 Clue Us In You supply one or more clues for the words in a filled-in grid. H
830 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on from Aug. 14 through Aug. 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
826 The Inside Word Take any word -- this may include the name of a person or place -- put a portion of it in quotation marks, and redefine the word. H H
816 Googillions Come up with an original phrase that generates at least 1 million listings on a Google search. H
815 Wittecisms Create an original word containing -- in any order -- at least a W, an I, two T's and an E. H H H
809 Unkindest Cutlines Supply cutlines, or captions, for any of these newspaper photos. H H
807 Pretty Graphic Expressions Express some insight as an equation or other mathematical expression. H
804 Our Type o' Joke Change a headline by one letter, or switch two letters, in a headline (or most of a headline) appearing on an article or ad in The Washington Post or on between Feb. 14 and 23, and elaborate on it in a "bank" headline (subhead) or a brief first sentence of an article that would run under it. H
803 The Pepys Show Write a humorous diary or journal entry for someone, famous or not, for any point in history. H
802 Dreck TV Suggest a new cable TV channel, with a description or example of its programming. H
801 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. You supply one or more of the questions. 2 H H
800 Compairison Briefly define or sum up an existing word or short phrase, then change it very slightly and do the same with the result. H
795 Stimulate Us Tell us what the government ought to be spending our money on. W
792 Clue Us In Compile a set of funny alternative clues to a crossword penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H
790 If Only! Explain how the world would be different had some event not occurred. H
787 Tour de Fours V Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters M, I, N and E. H
783 The Shill Game Name a celebrity or fictional character to endorse a real product or company. H H
781 Our Greatest Hit Start with a word or multi-word term that begins with I, J, K or L; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. 2 H
780 Location, Location, Location Say how you know you're in a particular place. H H H
779 Gripe for the Picking Rant about any issue that wouldn't make your top 100 for airing in The Post. H
778 Tied Games Combine any two sports or nonathletic activities into a single sport or game. P
775 Ad-dition Combine the beginning and end of any two words appearing in any single advertisement in The Post or on, from today through Aug. 4, and then define the new word. 3 H
773 Always Looking for Sects Coin a religion or belief system and tell us its basic tenet or distinguishing characteristic. H
772 Make It Simile, Stupid Translate a sentence or two of literature or other good writing so that "Los Angeles residents under 40" can appreciate it. H
771 Groaner's Manuals Come up with a humorous name for a guide or manual for, or a book about, a particular enterprise or organization. 3
769 Splice Work If You Can Get It Combine two words -- overlapping by at least two letters -- into what's known by polysyllabic types as a portmanteau word, and by the rest of us as mash word, and define it. H
768 The Events Described Herein Are Entirely Fictitious Come up with fictitious movie trivia. H
767 Questionable Journalism Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in the Post or in an article on from May 31 through June 9 and come up with a question it might answer. H
762 Look This Up in Your Funk & Wagnalls Supply the pair of terms listed at the top of a page of any print dictionary to indicate the first and last listings on the page, and define that hyphenated term. H
761 Strip Mining Supply the text for any or all three of these Bob Staake comic strips. 3
760 Whacksy Buildup Describe any of these Googlewhacks in the form of a question, "Jeopardy"-style. H
758 Wrong Address Using any of the words of Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, in whatever order you like, create your own passage. H
757 Gorey Thoughts From A to Z Send us some rhyming alphabet-primer couplets. P
755 Take Another 'Whack Send us a phrase of two or more words that produces exactly one Web page on the Google search engine and describe the phrase. P
753 Hot Off The Riddle Supply a simple riddle and both the wholesome answer and the (printable) Invitational answer. H
752 The Might-Mates Right Fill out any of these five "you just might" joke-templates. H
749 Opus 266, No. 3 Take any common word or two-word term beginning with any letter from A through H and give it a new definition. H H
747 Boeing Us Silly Suggest some comical ways to improve air travel, either in general or for yourself. H H
746 We Err The World Give us a motto or short slogan for any country in the world. H T
745 Hurry Up and Slow Down! Suggest particular ways that would slow life down, or ways that would speed it up. H M
744 You OED Us One Make up a humorous and false definition for any of the words listed below. H H H
743 Picture This Write a caption for any of these Bob Staake cartoons. H M
742 Clue Us In Give us a whole new set of clues to a crossword puzzle penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H
741 Well, What Do You Know? Tell us what Major Life Lessons can be derived from any of these venues or situations. H L
738 So What's To Liken? Take any two items from the utterly random list above and explain how they are different or how they are similar. H H
737 No River, No Woods Send us a funny parody of a well-known song, with lyrics that commemorate an occasion other than Christmas or Hanukkah. M
736 So, Should I Drive Like Your Brother? Ask a car-related question that would make the Car Guys crack up. If you're not into cars, you can also post a question for advice columnist Ask Amy or etiquette columnist Miss Manners. 4 H
732 The Chain Gang Supply a chain of 25 names -- they may be names of people, places, organizations, products, etc., but they must be names -- beginning and ending with "George W. Bush." H
731 Doo Process Describe for us a wildly inefficient and ridiculous way to produce or prepare an ordinary dish or beverage. H
730 Time-Wastes For Everyman Describe activities that make entering The Style Invitational seem like a constructive use of one's time. H I
729 Otherwordly Visions Take any sentence in an article or ad in The Washington Post or on from Sept. 1 through Sept. 10 and translate it into "plain English." H N W
728 Tour de Fours IV Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters S, A, T and R. H
723 Name Your Poison Create a name and recipe for a cocktail and, if you like, describe when it might be served. H
721 Know Your Market For any of the provided photos, supply two captions: one that would appeal to The Style Invitational and one that would appeal to the Harrisburg Patriot-News. 1 H H H
719 We Har the World Come up with a creative name for a sports team for a town or city anywhere outside the United States. H
718 Put Our Heads Together Create a new, funny headline from the words of any headlines appearing anywhere in a single day's Washington Post (or on H
715 Your Mug Here Send us an idea for a slogan for the back of the new Loser T-shirt. H
709 A Return Engagement Come up with some novel change to the tax code: a tax on something ought to be taxed, a credit for something that should be rewarded, what the $3 should go to instead of presidential campaigns, etc. 1
707 What Would YOU Do? Use only the words appearing in "The Cat in the Hat" to create your own work of "literature" of no more than 75 words. 3
696 Send Us the Bill Come up legislation the newly-elected members of Congress might sponsor together. H


Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"


"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.

[still working on this ...]