PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR PAUL STYRENE

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1119 We want hue so bad Invent a name for a color and describe it. H
953 Clue us in Come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the crossword puzzle that's already run in The Post. H
941 They don't say! Give us a quote that a particular person, present or past, real or fictional, sooo wouldn't have said. H
933 Stories that count (to 56) Write a humorous story in exactly 56 words. I
751 Strike Gold Slightly change the name of an existing or former TV show to create a program that can scab the writers' strike. H
679 Ask Backwards Here are the answers. You supply the questions to as many as you dare. H H
675 Cut Us Some Slack Come up with humorous ways to be lazy. H
633 Your Secret Here! Send us some original secrets (they don't have to be true). H
631 Picture This What's going on in any of these cartoons? H
630 Hyphen the Terrible Combine the beginning and end of any two multisyllabic words in this week's Invitational, and then define the compound. H H
628 You Gotta Have Connections Choose any two or more items from the provided truly random list and describe how they are alike or different. H
611 Ask Backwards, Erudite Edition You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the sophisticated answers. You supply the questions. H
552 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H
547 Give Us a Bad Name Take an existing product or business name and pair it with an incompatible one. H
519 Hey, Baby, What's Your Sector? Come up with pickup lines that could be heard only in Washington. H
386 The Game of Clue What are some clues that someone might be any of the provided characterizations? H H
362 Something Missing Tell us what is missing in each of the provided cartoons. H
331 DRAWING ON CREATIVITY Come up with an idea for a fictional central character for a comic strip based in Washington, D.C., and the environs. Describe your character in as much detail as you wish, and give the strip a name. 1
327 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
324 A PREQUEL OPPORTUNITY OFFERING Come up with a "prequel" to some classic film or work of literature. You must produce a title and a brief plot summary, which of course must take place prior to the main action of the original work. H
321 INTERPRET THIS Take any of the provided cartoons and come up with a matched pair of interpretations for what is happening. H
302 UNSTATED TRUTHS Come up with lines that you'll never hear the provided people say. H
288 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these pictures? H H
284 ASK BACKWARDS MCLXVII You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
272 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these cartoons? H
270 PALINODE--HAVE PUN, WILL TRAVEL Write a "palinode", retracting something said in an earlier poem. Your poem must be four lines long and contain at least one rhyme. I
266 DEFINITELY WEIRD Take any word from the dictionary and redefine it. H
263 THE GAME OF THE NAME Propose a bad name for the provided categories. 2
262 CAMPAIGN FOR ONE Design a line for Niels Hoven to deliver in his campaign for a student government office that will wake up a snoozing audience. 3
259 SPARE EXCHANGE, BUDDY? Take any phone number of any business or government office in the Washington area, translate the first two digits into their constituent letters and propose any appropriate one-word exchange. 1
241 CAN YOU BEAT THIS? Come up with headlines describing the defeat of one pro team by another. H
220 RSVP Provide an answer to any of the dumb questions from Week 217. H
218 CALLING THE TOON Who are these people? What are they doing? H
217 NO QUESTION ABOUT IT Come up with truly stupid questions. 2
203 CAN IT GET MUCH VERSE? Create Very Bad Poetry, containing banalities masquerading as profundities, overstretched metaphors, etc. Special attention should be paid to dreadful syntax and painful rhyme H
202 THE ELEMENTS OF SMILE Interpret any of the provided computer emoticons, or "smileys." H
200 CAPTION CRUNCH IV Supply a new caption to any photograph appearing anywhere in today's Post, to make it funnier. H
195 THE MARTHIAN CHRONICLES Come up with items for Martha Stewart's December-January calendar of projects. H H H
191 GOING THROUGH A PHRASE Come up with phrase for an American English phrasebook that would provide no practical help whatsoever to a foreigner trying to get along in the United States. 6
183 COCKNEY RHYMING SLANG II Create hawkers' rhymes for modern-day occupations like lobbyists, lawyers, talk show hosts, actuaries, etc., at a maximum of four lines. It must contain at least one rhyme. H
177 SOUNDS LIKE TROUBLE Tell us what any of the provided sounds are. H
169 DIFF'RENT JOKES Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. 1
161 CAPITOL MISTAKES Come up with very, very bad advice for first-time visitors to Washington. 4
160 SEEKING WISE GUYS Come up with cool new bad-guy terms. H
151 STRIP MINING Come up with a concept for a new, controversial strip to replace an existing one in The Post. H
147 JUST FOR LIFFS Come up with original liffs, which identify a familiar, tantalizing concept without a word to define it, and pairs it with a perfectly good but underutilized word that just loafs around on maps and street signs. H
145 LOOIE, LOOIE Come up with paired, themed ladies' room and men's room signs for various types of public places. E
141 ASK BACKWARD VII You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
139 EMPLOYMENT LINES Come up with jobs that make even your crummy job seem good. A
138 LIST BUT NOT LEAST Come up with Top-10-style lists for any of the above four subjects. H H I
130 NICELY STATED Create a fictional city to be humorously paired with a real state abbreviation. 3
127 GADGET IF YOU CAN Choose one or more of these devices and describe their use. H
122 THE UNKINDEST CUTE OF ALL Come up with a new story line for "Peanuts", some plot development or new character that will put the strip back on the road to relevance. H
121 IT'S NO USE Come up with useless products. H
119 MUZAK TO OUR EAR Come up with unfortunate Muzak songs to hear on the phone while on hold. You can use either a song title or a lyric. H
116 WRITE PURE POETRY Write a complete sentence using only the letters contained on the top row of a typewriter. Alternatively, you can use the letters of the first four lines of the standard eye chart. H
114 THE JOKE'S ON YOU Come up with jokes to culminate in any of these six punch lines. H
110 DO NOT INHALE THIS PAGE Come up with absurd warning labels that might be found on common products. H
106 DRAWING CONCLUSIONS Who are these people, and what are they doing? H H
103 SEND HELP. Come up with ways to raise some badly needed cash for the District of Columbia. H
102 HELP! I'M A PRISONER IN THIS CONTEST Come up with fortune cookie messages that you would love to see, but never will. H
98 YOUR CHEATIN' ART Come up with titles for country music songs featuring any one or more of the following themes: cheatin', thievin', drinkin', truckin', lovin' or dogs. H
96 STICK IT IN YOUR ERA Come up with a catch phrase for the 1990s. H
94 WEEKS 1-93 Come up with a great answer to any previous Style Invitational contest, an answer you may have thought of after the contest was over. H
93 I WANT THE MONGOOSE Tell us, in 50 words or fewer, why you must have this elegant piece of taxidermy featuring a snake being killed by a mongoose. H
91 ASK BACKWARD IV You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
88 GIVE US SOME GOOD NEWS Come up with ways things are going to be different now that Republicans have ascended to power. H
85 PLAY MYTHTY FOR ME Come up with new urban myths, those vaguely believable, wildly paranoid stories that circulate by word of mouth until they are generally accepted as true. H
83 BEDROOM FARCE What questions were left out of the Great American Sex Survey? H
82 PICTURE THIS Who are these people, and what are they doing? H
80 NICK KNACKS Come up with a great nickname for any contemporary celebrity. 2
74 SHIRT HAPPENS In 10 words or fewer, what should the back of the "Year 2" T-shirt say? H
66 THE SON-OF-SMITH LAW In 50 words or fewer, what do we do about the Chuck Smith problem? 1
54 ODD COUPLING Write comical combinations of famous names, by marriage or other conceit. 2
51 CAPTION CRUNCH, VOL. II Supply captions for any of these pictures. H
49 A SLALOM OCCASION Come up with events for a Washington Olympics. They can be winter or summer sports, based on bureaucracy or other themes peculiar to Washington, and must include a brief description of the event. W
39 WAY OUTSIDE THE LINES Name a new crayon color for the 1990s, with a description. W
35 LIGHT AT THE END? Tell the federal government what it should do with the 14-mile-long, 15-foot-diameter sausage-shaped tunnel it dug near Waxahachie, Tex., for the Superconducting Super Collider project that was scrapped by Congress last week. H
28 MOTHERS-IN-LAW OF INVENTION Propose some drastic change in government to help the economy or otherwise improve the quality of life in America. H
17 REDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM Come up with an easy way to reduce the federal deficit, in 20 words or fewer. 4

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]