||Breed any two of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races, and name the foal.
||What's in a name?
||Take the name of a person or institution. Find within it a hidden message.
||No Googlenopes left
||Come up with a humorous Googlenope.
||Name the Day
||Cite an actual holiday or one of those silly commemorative days, weeks or months for which you can find previous evidence, and supply a snarky description or slogan.
||A Tsk, A Task
||Come up with a super-wholesome passage of 25 words or fewer that would likely be banned by the admirable, ever-vigilant Neopets.com site.
||Tell us what's going on in one or more of the provided cartoons.
||What Kind of Foal Am I?
||Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces.
||Lost in Translation
||Find us some comical translations-and-back using Google translator. Feed some passage of English text into the tool--25 words max--and ask it to translate it into one of the five languages offered; then copy the result back into the tool and ask it to translate that back to English.
||Can you tell us what astonishing news Bob Staake is trying to pass on with cartoons?
||H H |
||Take any word, alter it in three ways--by adding a letter, by subtracting a letter and by changing a letter--and redefine all three new words.
||Hard to Overstate
||Propose ways to make modern life just a little bit harder than it needs to be.
||Set the agenda for a flash mob, one of those existential, Web-arranged, sudden, pointless, instantaneous but brief gatherings of people at odd places, to do odd things.
||H H |
||Hey, Baby, What's Your Sector?
||Come up with pickup lines that could be heard only in Washington.
||1 H |
||Come up with unwise things to say in any of the provided circumstances.
||3 H |
||It's Delete We Can Do
||Come up with very bad subject lines for spam e-mail--lines that will guarantee instant deletion, sight unseen.
||What would you like to see Miss Universe Pageant contestants asked live, on national TV?
||H H |
||Take a word from the dictionary, add, change, or delete a single letter, and redefine the word.
||H H |
||Who are these people? What are they doing?
||H H H |
||Create a sillygism--a syllogism that doesn't quite work.
||Unamazing But True!
||Submit a true fact that is of absolutely no use, but interesting in a weirdly Invitationalist way.
||Take any extremely banal piece of familiar writing and rewrite it in the style of a famous writer, poet or lyricist.
||Try to figure out which celebrities Bob Staake is trying to draw in imitation of Al Hirschfeld.
||H H |
||Combo, First Blood
||Combine two people whose names contain a common element, as in the examples above. Then describe the person, or provide a quote he or she might have uttered.
||A Word From Our Co-Sponsors
||Come up with bills the new members of Congress might sponsor. Each bill must have at least two sponsors.
||Give us an obit headline for some famous person, currently living or dead.
||H H W |
||Make a new word by squishing together two existing words. The constituent words must share at least two letters.
||Find what's offensive in any of the provided cartoons, and explain.
||Suggest appropriate hotel check-in names for any celebrities, past or present, living or dead.
||H H |
||Make Your Pix
||Which two of the provided cartoons are related, and how?
||Take any name of a person or thing, and construct an appropriate message using its letters, in order, as the first letters of the words of your message.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]