PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR DAN STEINBERG

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
914 Foaling around Breed any two of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races, and name the foal. H
881 What's in a name? Take the name of a person or institution. Find within it a hidden message. P
865 No Googlenopes left Come up with a humorous Googlenope. 2
818 Name the Day Cite an actual holiday or one of those silly commemorative days, weeks or months for which you can find previous evidence, and supply a snarky description or slogan. 4
555 A Tsk, A Task Come up with a super-wholesome passage of 25 words or fewer that would likely be banned by the admirable, ever-vigilant Neopets.com site. 1
553 Picture This Tell us what's going on in one or more of the provided cartoons. H
552 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H
551 Lost in Translation Find us some comical translations-and-back using Google translator. Feed some passage of English text into the tool--25 words max--and ask it to translate it into one of the five languages offered; then copy the result back into the tool and ask it to translate that back to English. H
535 Picture This Can you tell us what astonishing news Bob Staake is trying to pass on with cartoons? H H
530 Tri Harder Take any word, alter it in three ways--by adding a letter, by subtracting a letter and by changing a letter--and redefine all three new words. 1
523 Hard to Overstate Propose ways to make modern life just a little bit harder than it needs to be. H
522 Being There Set the agenda for a flash mob, one of those existential, Web-arranged, sudden, pointless, instantaneous but brief gatherings of people at odd places, to do odd things. H H
519 Hey, Baby, What's Your Sector? Come up with pickup lines that could be heard only in Washington. 1 H
516 Err Apparent Come up with unwise things to say in any of the provided circumstances. 3 H
513 It's Delete We Can Do Come up with very bad subject lines for spam e-mail--lines that will guarantee instant deletion, sight unseen. H
510 Universal Embarrassment What would you like to see Miss Universe Pageant contestants asked live, on national TV? H H
508 Letter Rip Take a word from the dictionary, add, change, or delete a single letter, and redefine the word. H H
502 Picture This Who are these people? What are they doing? H H H
500 Ergo-Nomics Create a sillygism--a syllogism that doesn't quite work. H
498 Unamazing But True! Submit a true fact that is of absolutely no use, but interesting in a weirdly Invitationalist way. H
494 Quote-idian Take any extremely banal piece of familiar writing and rewrite it in the style of a famous writer, poet or lyricist. H
491 Hirschfeld Follies Try to figure out which celebrities Bob Staake is trying to draw in imitation of Al Hirschfeld. H H
489 Combo, First Blood Combine two people whose names contain a common element, as in the examples above. Then describe the person, or provide a quote he or she might have uttered. 3
486 A Word From Our Co-Sponsors Come up with bills the new members of Congress might sponsor. Each bill must have at least two sponsors. H
483 Obitter Fate Give us an obit headline for some famous person, currently living or dead. H H W
476 Portmanteautapping Make a new word by squishing together two existing words. The constituent words must share at least two letters. H
473 Offensive Line Find what's offensive in any of the provided cartoons, and explain. H
469 Playing Check-In Suggest appropriate hotel check-in names for any celebrities, past or present, living or dead. H H
451 Make Your Pix Which two of the provided cartoons are related, and how? W
417 Initially Mistaken Take any name of a person or thing, and construct an appropriate message using its letters, in order, as the first letters of the words of your message. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]