PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR J. CALVIN SMITH

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1202 Don't be afraid of the dark Write lyrics to a song that, in some way, express hope. H
1082 Band on the pun Alter the name of a music group or performer slightly -- not necessarily by just one letter, but enough so it's obvious what the original is -- and describe it in some way. 3
1024 Gorey thoughts Send us some edgy rhyming alphabet-primer couplets. The pairs are AB, CD, EF, GH, IJ, KL, MN, OP, QR, ST, UV, WX, and YZ. 4 H H
1023 Hai there, Martians! Write one or more humorous haiku that will greet the Martians or share a little nugget of what life is like on Earth. H
823 Wryku Compose a humorous (or at least wry or clever) haiku. H
805 Brand Eccchs Give us an original name in any of the above categories (not an actual badly named product). H
804 Our Type o' Joke Change a headline by one letter, or switch two letters, in a headline (or most of a headline) appearing on an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com between Feb. 14 and 23, and elaborate on it in a "bank" headline (subhead) or a brief first sentence of an article that would run under it. H H
762 Look This Up in Your Funk & Wagnalls Supply the pair of terms listed at the top of a page of any print dictionary to indicate the first and last listings on the page, and define that hyphenated term. 2 H H
129 REMAKE US HAPPY Come up with alternative story lines to movie titles, new or old. 3
125 ASK BACKWARD VI You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
124 SPOON-FEED US. Come up with spoonerisms, expressions based on the transposition of the initial sounds of two paired words. H
123 WHY IS POOP FUNNY? Come up with creative answers to any of the five questions above that might be asked by a 5-year-old. H
110 DO NOT INHALE THIS PAGE Come up with absurd warning labels that might be found on common products. H H
108 NEAR MISSES Come up with the first drafts of great lines in history, entertainment or literature. 4 H H
105 WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA? Come up with Good Ideas and then convert them to Bad Ideas through slight changes in wording. L
99 WHAT'S WRONG WITH THESE PICTURES? What's wrong with these pictures? 3
95 HOW'S THAT AGAIN? Take any headline appearing anywhere in The Post this week and completely rewrite the first lines of the story to put a different, unintended spin on it. H
89 CHILD'S PLAY Come up with bad ideas for new toys for the Christmas season. H
86 EXCUSES, EXCUSES Come up with funny excuses for various malfeasances. 3
85 PLAY MYTHTY FOR ME Come up with new urban myths, those vaguely believable, wildly paranoid stories that circulate by word of mouth until they are generally accepted as true. 1
78 SEEKING SMART MORONS Come up with an oxymoron for our times, an expression made bogus by the fact that it combines incompatible, contradictory ideas. H
75 CURSES! Come up with modern maledictions in the wise and entertaining Yiddish tradition. H
74 SHIRT HAPPENS In 10 words or fewer, what should the back of the "Year 2" T-shirt say? 1
72 OH, HELL Come up with the perfect vision of Hell for a famous person, living or dead. H
70 SOUNDS LIKE A BAD IDEA Come up with jokes based on noises. 2 H H H
69 LAYING DOWN THE LAW Send us some exciting new principles that explain why things happen they way they happen. 1 H
67 FAMOUS LAST WORDS Make up the last words of famous dead people whose last words are unknown. 1 H
65 DESPERATELY SEEKING HUMOR Write a personal ad. It may be for a celebrity or for anyone in need of adroit euphemism. H
60 ASK BACKWARDS III You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]