PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR GEORGE SMITH
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- 2: 2nd Runner-Up; this is second in esteem after the Win, and earns a Loser the crappy prize that used to go to the Winner.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
||Picture This -- cartoon captions
||Supply a caption for one or more of the provided cartoons.
||Check your (homo)phones
||Invent a homophone--a word that sounds the same as an existing word but is spelled differently--and define it.
||Selected shortened subjects
||Delete one or more letters from the beginning or end (or both) of a movie title and describe the resulting movie.
||Pumping Prime: Amazon reviews
||Send us a humorous "review" (like the provided samples from our earlier contests) for any of the provided items.
||Tour de Fours XIV: SANT is coming
||Coin a word or multi-word term that contains the letter-block S-A-N-T; the letters may be in any order, but there may be no other letters between them.
||The Loser Community gets a week off (actually two) from writing contest entries and will have to find something else to do during staff meetings, sermons, romantic breakups, etc.
||Colt following: The 'grandfoals'
||"Breed" any two of the 61 foal names that got ink this week, and name the offspring to reflect both parents names.
||"Breed" any two of the provided racehorses nominated for this year's Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont; and name the foal to reflect both of them.
||Let 'er RIP: Write an obit line
||Write a humorous line or two for someone's obituary -- either for a particular person (dead or not) or for a fictional or generic one.
||So what's to liken?
||Take any two items from the provided list and explain how they're similar or different, or connect them some other way.
||What have you got to lose?
||Answer a question, real or rhetorical, that appears in a song.
||We now have 4 digits; you now have 7 letters
||Choose any word, name or two-word term beginning anywhere from T through Z; then add one letter, drop one letter, substitute one letter for another, or transpose two adjacent letters, and define the result.
||A remeaning task
||Redefine a word in the dictionary beginning with I through O.
||Rekindling the spork
||Combine two devices or other products to make a new one.
||Send us a cheer or fight song for any pro sports team or any national team.
||It's easy as DEF
||Create a brand-new word or phrase that contains a block of three successive letters in the alphabet; the series must go forward in the alphabet, not backward.
||Here are your 12 possible answers. Tell us your joke in the form of a question, please.
||Give us a humorous example of the "shocking -- not."
||Cite a humorous "uncanny similarity" between any two of the very different people listed above.
||Slightly change the name of an existing or former TV show to create a program that can scab the writers' strike.
||The News Gets Verse
||Sum up wittily in verse -- but not a limerick -- any article appearing in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Aug. 28 through Sept. 4.
||The 97.5-Meter Dash
||Suggest some time- and cost-saving measures so the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens will open on time.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]