This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know,

Key to Ink Types:

1384 Of course there are stupid questions! Give us stupid questions, especially ones reflecting Our Current Situation. H
1178 A ______ of collective nouns Propose one or more funny new names for groups of things. H
1138 Show us your touché Offer an elegantly snide (and original) insult of anyone living or dead. H
1064 HistoRebuffs Alter some moment in history and tell us -- in no more than about 50 words -- the likely outcome. H
1058 Eastwood Ho Create a good-bad-ugly progression. H
1034 What's to like? Supply an original joke of the form "I like my [your choice] the way I like my [something else of your choice]: [some clever, funny parallel]." H
1026 'Might' makes ink Give us a joke using any of the using any of the provided "you might be" templates. H W
1006 It's a ... a ... Create a new superhero (or duo) and describe the superpower, or not-very-superpower. H
997 Unworthy causes Name a dubious charity and describe its mission. H
992 Mittsterpiece Theatre Suppose public-TV shows, past or present, were turned out onto the open market to make a living on commercial TV. Tell us what would happen. H
989 On the double Come up with a double or multiple profession, and explain how each job complements the other(s). H H
954 Bring on the 'fight' jokes Tell us an original joke ending with “And then the fight started.” H H
944 Uh, yeah, it's just you Give us one or more "Is it just me" questions. 2 H
934 Same difference Explain how any two items in the provided list are similar or different. H
926 Outrageous fortunes Come up with a fortune cookie line that you'd like to see. H H
915 Picture this Write a caption for any of the cartoons pictured here. H
909 Reprizing Suggest humorous uses for one or more of the items above, alone or in combination. H
905 Anticdotes Give us an untrue anecdote responding to one of these past Editor's Query topics. H
892 Get a move on Change the location of something for humorous effect. Provide an explanation if you wish. H
885 Mess with our heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on from Sept. 10 through Sept. 20 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head." H
883 Same difference Choose any two items from the list above and explain why they are alike or are different from each other. H
867 Back in the saddle Breed any two of the foals in today's results -- OR one foal with one of the actual horses used in today's entries, and name the grandfoal. H
866 Natalie Portmanteau Begin with a real name; append to it a word, name or expression so that they overlap; and finally define (humorously, of course) the resulting phrase. H
861 It's incumbent upon us Combine the names of two or more freshman members of Congress to create "joint legislation." This week's pool of legislators includes only those who were elected to their seats before 1994, the first year we ran the freshman contest. H
859 Can't goods Cast a joke in one of the forms listed above. H
848 Up and addin' Compose a humorous rhopalic sentence (or multiple sentences) in which each word is one letter longer than the previous word. H
845 Reologisms Write a description for any of 50 genuine Loser-created neologisms. H H
844 Healthy choice Enter any Style Invitational from Week 790 through Week 840, except for Week 793 and Week 798. H
840 Frittering away the neurons Give us some more colorfully useful phrases; they don't have to be in the X'ing-the-Y form. H H
839 Overlap Dance Overlap two words that share two or more consecutive letters -- anywhere in the word, not just at the beginning or end -- into a single longer word, and define it. AND your portmanteau word must begin with a letter from A through D. H
837 Strip Search Combine two comic strips that appear in The Washington Post or at and describe the results. H
836 Other People's Business Describe what might happen if any of the above institutions (a) were run by an institution of your choice or (b) ran an institution of your choice. H H
820 Be Mister Language Person Supply a Mister Language Person-type question and answer. H
813 Aw, Shocks Give us a humorous example of the "shocking -- not." H
812 Rx-Related Humor Offer up some entirely false medical or psychological "fact." H H
811 Rock-Bottom Lines Tell us a sign that the economy couldn't get worse. H H H H
810 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the more than 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H H
806 DQ Very Much Give us a phrase or sentence that would nip a potential relationship in the bud (or elsewhere). H H
803 The Pepys Show Write a humorous diary or journal entry for someone, famous or not, for any point in history. H H
799 Send Us the Bill Come up with legislation that, given their names, two or more freshman senators or representatives might sponsor together. H
794 Ripped Off From the Headlines Send us some Onion-type headlines. 4
790 If Only! Explain how the world would be different had some event not occurred. H
784 Words to The Wiseacres Give us some proverbs for 21st-century life. H H H
783 The Shill Game Name a celebrity or fictional character to endorse a real product or company. H H
782 That's the Ticket! Explain why any of the items on the list below is qualified to be President of the United States. H
781 Our Greatest Hit Start with a word or multi-word term that begins with I, J, K or L; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H H
779 Gripe for the Picking Rant about any issue that wouldn't make your top 100 for airing in The Post. H H
772 Make It Simile, Stupid Translate a sentence or two of literature or other good writing so that "Los Angeles residents under 40" can appreciate it. H
771 Groaner's Manuals Come up with a humorous name for a guide or manual for, or a book about, a particular enterprise or organization. H
770 A Knack for Anachronism Take a famous historical moment, literary passage, or movie scene and place it in an entirely different age. H
769 Splice Work If You Can Get It Combine two words -- overlapping by at least two letters -- into what's known by polysyllabic types as a portmanteau word, and by the rest of us as mash word, and define it. A H
768 The Events Described Herein Are Entirely Fictitious Come up with fictitious movie trivia. H
767 Questionable Journalism Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in the Post or in an article on from May 31 through June 9 and come up with a question it might answer. H H
766 Think to Shudder Come up with scenarios that are even more awkward (and more imaginative) than the wincers mentioned above. H
764 Can You Up Chuck? Come up with entirely new and funny Chuck Norris Facts. H L
761 Strip Mining Supply the text for any or all three of these Bob Staake comic strips. H
752 The Might-Mates Right Fill out any of these five "you just might" joke-templates. 3 H H
749 Opus 266, No. 3 Take any common word or two-word term beginning with any letter from A through H and give it a new definition. H H
743 Picture This Write a caption for any of these Bob Staake cartoons. H
741 Well, What Do You Know? Tell us what Major Life Lessons can be derived from any of these venues or situations. H
740 Give Us a Hint Offer clues in various situations that something isn't working out well. 2 H H
738 So What's To Liken? Take any two items from the utterly random list above and explain how they are different or how they are similar. W
727 We Get a C-Section Tell us some pros and cons of moving The Style Invitational to the Saturday Style section; or write us up some free promo-ad copying announcing the move. H
721 Know Your Market For any of the provided photos, supply two captions: one that would appeal to The Style Invitational and one that would appeal to the Harrisburg Patriot-News. H
719 We Har the World Come up with a creative name for a sports team for a town or city anywhere outside the United States. H
714 Amalgamated Steal Merge two or more company or product names into a new, ORIGINAL company or product. H
713 Painings Name and interpret any of the provided paintings by Fred Dawson. H H
705 Simile Outrageous Come up with funny analogies, perhaps with some 21st-century references. H H H
703 Freak Trade Agreements Think of one thing to trade for another, and supply a short and funny explanation. H H
701 Untitlement Here are the covers for what just might be Bob Staake's next four books. What are they called and what are they about? H
698 Let's Get Personnel Send us some humorously creative questions that a job interviewer would ask an applicant, or some questions it might be fun to ask the interviewer. 4 H
697 We Beg You To Differ Take any two items from the truly random provided list and explain why they are different or why they are similar. H
691 Haven't Got a Clue Make all the clues in the provided crossword ooh-clever or at least ah-that's-funny, even the little words. H
689 Busted Play Come up with a more objectionable or stupid toy than a working fart-powered toy rocket. W
687 What Were They Thinking? Tell us (A) What someone might say in some situation, and (B) what that person was actually thinking when he said A. H H
680 Rendered Speechless Provide dialogue to fill the balloons in any of these cartoons. H
679 Ask Backwards Here are the answers. You supply the questions to as many as you dare. H H H H
669 Huddled Messes Suggest some bad advice for new arrivals to this country (legal or illegal). 3 H
668 Cut From the Chase Write an original John-Bunnell-style wrap-up to a crime story -- or one for a more minor transgression. H
664 A Thousand Times?! No! Come up with a new signature line for Russell Beland's -- or anyone else's -- e-mails. 1 H
663 Worth at Least a Dozen Words Interpret any of the provided cartoons as you see fit in a caption. H
661 Name Any Good Movies Lately? Give us a funny new title for an existing movie. H
660 Foaling Down: The Next Generation Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. 1 H
656 It's Post Time Breed any two from a list of 100 of the more than 400 3-year-old racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their hypothetical foal. The foal's name cannot exceed 18 characters and spaces combined. H
653 It's the Eponymy, Stupid Coin a word or expression based on the name of a well-known person, define it, and perhaps use it in a sentence H H
652 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. You supply the questions. H
646 Warped Perspectives Tell us how two different types of people, animals, organizations, etc., would interpret any of the provided cartoons. 3
642 It's Open Season Come up with a brand-new word and its definition. The words must begin with O, P, Q, R or S. H
638 The Little Bummer Boy Come up with an idea (and title, if you like) for an original Christmas movie or TV special that provides an antidote to all the sap, and give us a brief synopsis. H
637 Full Steam Ahead Write a steamy passage of a novel that's ostensibly by some well-known person who isn't a novelist. H
634 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on from today through next Sunday, and change its meaning by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it. H H
633 Your Secret Here! Send us some original secrets (they don't have to be true). H
629 Odd Couplings Marry or otherwise combine famous names and supply the result. H
628 You Gotta Have Connections Choose any two or more items from the provided truly random list and describe how they are alike or different. H
626 Course Light Come up with a comical college class, along with a description for the course catalog. H H
616 Picture This, Kids Supply title and one-sentence synopsis for Bob Staake new kids' project, incorporating any of the provided cartoons. 1 H
615 Airy Persiflage Write some jokes you'd like to hear in an airport announcement. H
610 MASH Find two well-known movies, plays, or TV shows whose title have a significant word in common, combine their titles, and describe the hybrid. H
609 A2D2 Give us some funny "corrections" to brighten up Page A2. H
608 Comeback Next Week Come up with original snide retorts to various rude questions or comments. H H
607 Contest Fodder Created! Produce absurdly parochial views of historical events. H H
604 Fun for the Roses Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. The name of the foal must be no more than 18 characters, including spaces. H
601 Anticdotes Give us an untrue anecdote in response to one of the provided Editor's Query topics. H
600 Top of the Inking Tell us some ways the District of Columbia will change now that we have the Nationals. H
599 So What's the News? Tell us what the illustrated events are. H H
598 Site Gags Come up with an appropriate name for a cafeteria--or meeting room, or an employee lounge, or some other workplace spot--for a particular institution. H H
593 Take This, Job, and … Come up with some entertainingly awful things that a Job's comforter might offer. A Job's comforter is someone who seems to be offering sympathy but instead just makes the person feel worse, either intentionally or unintentionally. H
592 We Got Gamy Offer us a concise idea for a Super Bowl commercial, or some innovative halftime entertainment, or some inappropriate sponsors, or some ideas for improving the game itself. H
590 Send Us the Bill Come up with a bill sponsored by any combination of the newly elected members of Congress and explain the purpose of the bill. H
588 Gadget If You Can Tell us what these nifty, indispensable items are. H
587 The B-List Come up with an In-Out list for 2005, or other pairings. H
586 God's Will (and Won't) Complete either of the following: "If God hadn't wanted us to ----, God wouldn’t have ----"; "If God had wanted us to ----, God would have ----." H H H
584 Deliver Us a Post Come up with some new Cabinet or other positions that the president could establish, and describe the job responsibilities. H
583 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, from the Washington Post or its Web site from today through next Sunday, and reinterpret it by writing either a "bank headline"--or subtitle--or the first sentence of an article that changes the original meaning entirely. H H
581 Evil Things in Store Think of evil or just plain stupid practices that the staff of a retail or other establishment might perpetrate. 2 H H
580 United Nations Combine the names of any two countries in the world and describe the new hybrid country. H
578 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions. H H
577 Teledubbies Slightly change the title of a TV show, past or present, and describe it. H
576 Well, Excuuuuse Us! Come up with new excuses for any common human shortcoming or imperfection. 2 H H H H H
573 Thine Ad Goest Here Propose biblical and other literary passages, poems, etc., that could benefit from product placement. H
568 Tome Deftness Make a pun or similar wordplay on a book title. H
564 Redefine Print Redefine any word from the dictionary. H H W
563 Take Two Take any two of the provided items and explain how they resemble or differ from each other. 1 H
560 The 97.5-Meter Dash Suggest some time- and cost-saving measures so the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens will open on time. H H
559 Your Slogan Here Come up with a clever slogan or sign for a business. H
558 Set Us Right Send us conservative-leaning humor in any of the provided genres. H H
557 Oh, for Namesakes! Take two people, real or fictional, who share some element of their names and explain the difference between them. H
556 So Zoo Us Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it. H H
555 A Tsk, A Task Come up with a super-wholesome passage of 25 words or fewer that would likely be banned by the admirable, ever-vigilant site. H
553 Picture This Tell us what's going on in one or more of the provided cartoons. 1 H
552 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H
548 Inklings Tell us about certain people's childhood experiences and behaviors that hint at their destinies. H H H
546 A Nice Pair of Cities Choose any two or more real U.S. towns and come up with a joint endeavor they would undertake. H
543 Read Our Leaps Fill any readers of The Washington Post on Sunday, Feb. 29, 2032, on: (a) the day's lead news story; (b) the highest-flying company and its business; (c) the best-selling self-help book; and/or (d) the day's winning Style Invitational entry. H
541 Celled Up the River Give us a delicious scenario, in which a cellphone yakker's yakking could be taken profitably out of context. H
538 Try, Try Again Enter any previous Invitational. Your entry must be substantially different from the original winners. H
536 And the Horse He Rodin On Come up with some words we can stick in the back of The Inker. H
535 Picture This Can you tell us what astonishing news Bob Staake is trying to pass on with cartoons? H
534 The Feminine Touch Propose how any male-dominated occupation or institution would change if it suddenly became female-dominated. H
533 Breed Apart Mate the clones of any two famous real people, living or dead--a male and a female, please--and hypothesize what traits or skills their offspring might have. H
532 Short Pans Come up with a terse review (four words or fewer) of any work of art. H H H
531 Your Cynic Duties Come up with a saying that sounds as if it's going to be inspirational, but winds up being cynical, misanthropic or sad. H
528 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H H
527 Rite of First Defusal Come up with witty or bizarre things to say to defuse the tension in awkward moments. H H
526 Conventional Wisdumb Answer any of the provided questions. H H I
525 It Won't Belong Now Tell us which of three cartoons provided does not belong, and why. H
523 Hard to Overstate Propose ways to make modern life just a little bit harder than it needs to be. H
522 Being There Set the agenda for a flash mob, one of those existential, Web-arranged, sudden, pointless, instantaneous but brief gatherings of people at odd places, to do odd things. 2
517 Insert Joke Here Slip a single bogus sentence into next year's State of the Union address, figuring the Prez will probably just read it right off the teleprompter. 2 H
515 A Cellebration of Tasteful Living Come up with ways that Martha Stewart can prettify and improve her new prison surroundings using only her skills, her impeccable taste and those resources available to her. H W
510 Universal Embarrassment What would you like to see Miss Universe Pageant contestants asked live, on national TV? H
508 Letter Rip Take a word from the dictionary, add, change, or delete a single letter, and redefine the word. H
507 Crocktails Come up with a drink named for something or someone associated with Washington and describe the drink. H
506 The Battle of All Mottoes Provide a slogan for any federal department agency, department, office, etc. H
505 The Rule of Dumb You are given $1 million. Conditions: (1) You must spend it all. (2) You must use it in a way that neither directly nor indirectly works to your financial benefit. (3) You may not use it to alleviate the suffering of anyone on Earth, or for any public-spirited project other than the joy of stupidity. H H
504 Life Is Snort Write a schmaltzy last line of a "Life Is Short." H H H
502 Picture This Who are these people? What are they doing? H
501 Questionable Sentences Take any sentence appearing anywhere in today's Washington Post and make it the answer to a question. H
499 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown and tell us the name of their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H
496 The Style Invitational: The First Dreckade Submit new entries to any of the old contests listed, and try to beat The Very Best of the Past 10 Years. H H H
492 Cheap Tricks Come up with extreme cost-conserving measures for these difficult economic times. H
491 Hirschfeld Follies Try to figure out which celebrities Bob Staake is trying to draw in imitation of Al Hirschfeld. H H
490 Eyes on Reprise Submit any good entries you might have thought of, for any previous contest, after the deadline passed. H
488 No Rest for the Query Come up with a vexing, funny question about life. 3
486 A Word From Our Co-Sponsors Come up with bills the new members of Congress might sponsor. Each bill must have at least two sponsors. H H
483 Obitter Fate Give us an obit headline for some famous person, currently living or dead. H
482 Inspect Our Gadgets What are these gadgets? What do they do? 2 H H H
480 In No Uncertain Terminations Come up with a way to stop any unwanted overture in its tracks. H H
479 Invest Case Scenario Suggest new companies in which it might be unwise to invest. H H H
477 A Load of Bulwer Give us the beginning of incompetently written novel. W
476 Portmanteautapping Make a new word by squishing together two existing words. The constituent words must share at least two letters. H H H H
471 Excuses, Excuses Come up with creative new excuses for not turning in homework, not filing your taxes on time, missing church or forgetting your spouse's birthday. H H
468 Ism This Stupid? Take any common prefix and attach it to any well-known "ism" and define the new term. H
466 Spit the Difference Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H H H
462 Cast Away Come up with a terrible bit of miscasting in a movie or TV show, past or present, real or imagined. H
461 Punch Us Again Take any comic from the daily Washington Post during the next week and make it better by changing the contents of the final word balloon. 4
459 Stock Humor Look at any of the abbreviated company names in the Nasdaq or New York Stock Exchange listings in any newspaper's business section and suggest what business the companies might be in. H H H H
458 It's a Setup Come up with joke setups for any of the provided punch lines. H H
457 Letter Rip Give us the beginning of a letter to the editor that is certain never to see print. H H
456 A Bad-Ask Contest You are still on Jeopardy!, and you still have to supply questions to the provided answers, but the winners will be the least funny answers. H H
455 Comixing Create new comic characters by crossing two existing characters, then describe the character. H
454 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? 4 H H H H H
452 Russellmania! (1) Design one or more steps for a 12-step program for the recovering Invitationalaholic; (2) Propose a devious method by which we might lure Russell Beland back. H H
451 Make Your Pix Which two of the provided cartoons are related, and how? 2 H H H
448 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races this year and propose a name for their foal. No name may exceed 18 characters, including spaces. H
443 Sick Humor Come up with modern diseases of Washington life. H
441 Spit the Difference Take any two nouns that appear on the front page of today's Washington Post and explain how the nouns differ from each other. H H H
440 Picture This What is going on in these cartoons? H
439 No Can Do Write signs of incompetence. H H
430 OMB Directive No. 2 Revisit any contest The Style Invitational has ever run, and rewrite our tawdry past by proposing a new first-prize winner serious and/or decorous enough to please the Ombudsman. H H H
428 No Rest for the Query Answer any of the provided supposedly unanswerable questions in the voice of any famous person, living or dead. H
427 Skinned Come up with events that have a smaller chance of happening than the Redskins winning the Super Bowl. H H
422 Taught Language Come up with lessons learned from (1) the movies, (2) popular songs, (3) romance novels or (4) the comics page. H
421 Picture This These objects are not what they seem to be, at first glance. They are something else entirely. What are they? 1 H H H
419 Don't Spare the Rodney Come up with indications that one might not be getting no respect. H H H W
418 Xtreme Invitational Come up with signs you are overdoing it any in any of the provided categories. H
416 Diff'rent Jokes Describe how things might have been different if a famous person, living or dead, had had one of the provided conditions. H H H H H H H
415 Sentence Us to Death Take any sentence appearing anywhere in today's Washington Post, and invent a question that it answers. H H H
413 Bland Ambition Come up with one or more items from an underachiever's list of midlife resolutions. 5 H
412 Painful Climaxes Come up with statements that start really dramatically, but leave you sorta flat at the end. H
410 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H W
409 Nice Job, if You Get It Take anything that might need its image enhanced and rename it in a way the keeps its essential identity, but makes it seem nicer. H H H
406 Bum Steerage Offer some spectacularly bad advice to any of the provided people. H
403 Cry, Uncle! Write the beginnings of an obituary that will provide the details of what happened to the Style Invitational Uncle. H H
402 Spitting the Difference Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H H
401 A Matter of Degree Describe a sign of some modest change in a situation and pair it with a sign of an extreme change in that same situation. W
396 April Foals Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. H H
395 Devilishly Clever Describe someone's special little corner of Hell. H H
394 Life in the Blurbs Come up with a blurb used to sell a real or imagined book or movie that would be likely to have the opposite of the intended effect. H
392 Everyone's a Comic Choose any panel of any comic strip in today's Washington Post and improve it by replacing the original speech and thought balloons with your own, H
391 Spinning Out of Control Take a headline in today's Washington Post and create a subhead that spins the story in an opposite or unexpected direction. H H
390 Canine Fashion Write: 1. A caption for the provided image explaining what is happening; 2. An explanation of why the image is not photography but art; 3. A description of what additional items might be needed to make the image complete. Sex and potty jokes will be disqualified. H H
389 Operation Overkill Present a solution to a problem that goes just a little too far. H H H
388 Pitches in the Dirt Come up with a sales pitch to get any surplus product off the shelves. H H
387 By Jingo Come up with a joke that could be written and understood only by a Washingtonian. H H
386 The Game of Clue What are some clues that someone might be any of the provided characterizations? H H H
384 What's Your Story? Take at least four of the provided cartoons, arrange them in any sequence you wish, and make up a funny story that they would illustrate. H
383 A Kinder, Gender Nation Take an noun and give us a reason or two why it should be either masculine or feminine. H
381 Idiom Savant Take any well-known idiom, or expression, and invent an interesting derivation for it. H
379 Rather Unusual Come up with lines that could be uttered by Dan Rather, with his unbearably folksy excesses. H
378 Bill Us Now Come up with a bill sponsored by any of the newly elected U.S. senators and representatives, and explain the purpose of the bill. H
377 Week MMDCXLIV Provide a headline (and, if necessary, the first line of the text) for any article that will appear in The Washington Post on this day in the year 2050. 1 H H
376 Apply Yourself Supply bad openings to college application biographies. H
372 Trial Balloons Fill in the balloons. 1
371 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H U
370 No End in Sight Write the beginnings of sentences you don't want to hear the end of. H H
367 Future Schlock Come up with a line that will surely not appear in an upcoming work. H H H H W
366 Just Fulghum Come up with a list of at least three Major Life Lessons one can learn from any of the venues provided. H H
364 Low Marks Come up with a new punctuation mark. Tell us what it looks like, and what it is used for, and use it in a sentence. H
363 It's Your Movie Take the title of any movie and make it the answer to a riddle. 3 H H
362 Something Missing Tell us what is missing in each of the provided cartoons. H H H H H
361 Bad Libs Select one subject, one verb, and one object from the provided lists, and then answer the riddle you create. H H H H H H H
359 It's No Party Come up with a new political party and its main political tenet. H
356 Med Icks Invent a clever name for a new medical product, and specify the condition it would treat. H H H H H H
353 Patently Silly What do these devices do? 1
352 A Laff Riot Take the name of a company and/or its commercial product and provide it a new definition. H
345 Picture This What is going on in these cartoons? H H
344 What Kind of Foal Am I? Envision the mating of any two of the 387 horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown, and propose a name for their foal. The foal's name must be contained in 18 or fewer letters and spaces. H H
343 Eastwood Ho. Create a Good-Bad-Ugly progression. 3 H
339 Campaignful Developments Come up with signs that a presidential campaign might be in trouble. H H
337 DEGREES OF DIFFICULTY Take a quality you wish to quantify and devise the perfect icon to measure it. Then give us an example of the extremes. H
336 THE "STY"LE INVITATIONAL Choose any word and emphasize a single part of it, as though you were saying the word out loud with "air quotes" around the key part. Then redefine the word. You cannot alter the spelling of the word. H
335 A LOVER'S SPAT Enter the contest that is run by the editor of your choice. H H
334 The New Style Invitational: Six Choices for Czar Vote for one of six possible editors of the Style Invitation, from among the current Czar and five worthy competitors. D
333 GET A LOAD OF THIS TA-TA Submit episodes for the three winning strips from Week 331. There is no next week's contest. W
332 AUTHORS IN SEARCH OF A CHARACTER Come up with a three- or four-panel cartoon about any of the winning characters from Week 332. W
329 THE STYLE INVITATIONAL: HELL Take the name of a person or institution. Find within it a hidden message. You may add spacing and punctuation, but you may not move letters around. H
328 NICE CAPADES Send in some pleasant observation, in which you take a really cheerful or heartwarming view of something that less charitable people might conceivably see differently. 3 L
327 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? 6
324 A PREQUEL OPPORTUNITY OFFERING Come up with a "prequel" to some classic film or work of literature. You must produce a title and a brief plot summary, which of course must take place prior to the main action of the original work. H H
323 THE CONGRESSIONAL RECORD INVITATIONAL Come up with not-quite-ready inventions, past or present. H
322 YOU NAME IT Take a well known pair or group of names, extend one of them in some manner, and explain how the group dynamic changes. H
321 INTERPRET THIS Take any of the provided cartoons and come up with a matched pair of interpretations for what is happening. H
320 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. H H
318 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Combine the first half of any hyphenated word in a story in today's paper with the second part of a different hyphenated word from the same story, and provide a new definition. H H W
317 PICK US A WINNER Come up with flawed contest ideas, and the single, obvious, too-good-to-beat entry. W
316 CALLING THE TOON What are these things? 2
312 BOOKS AND BOOKS Combine any two works of literature--no movies or TV--into one, give its title and describe it in a brief, appealing blurb that might appear in Publishers' Weekly. H
310 IT'S LIKE THIS Come up with really lame analogies. H H
306 YOUNGIAN THERAPY Suggest ways in which the Style Invitational or any other Washington area institution can become more relevant to younger people. A H H
305 ASK BACKWARDS CMXVI2 You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H H
304 TIME OF THE SIGNS Come up with appropriate signage to appear outside any business or retail establishment in the Washington area, including government offices. H
303 BOOM TIMES Come up with old and new concerns for the baby boom generation. 1 H H
302 UNSTATED TRUTHS Come up with lines that you'll never hear the provided people say. H H
301 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these cartoons? H H H
295 PANEL DISCUSSION Supply the contents of the missing panel in the provided cartoon strips. 3 H H H H
294 PRODUCT LIARBILITY Take the name of any commercial product and redefine it. 6
292 PAYING THE BILL Propose appropriate punishments for President Clinton. H
290 THE WORLD THEORIES Codify some of life's more populist theories. W
286 CLINTOONS Make your own Clintoon, a comic strip consisting of any or all of the provided drawings. 1 H H
282 TAKING SNIDES Take any story anywhere in today's Post and append to it a single snide observation, concerning either the headline or the text of the story. 1 H
280 EXPRESSING IT NICELY Come up with colorful expressions for any of the six provided activities, to make them sound a little less tawdry. H H
278 THE STALE INVITATIONAL Begin with a word. Add, subtract or change a single letter only, and then provide a new definition. 3 H H H
276 SPIT THE DIFFERENCE Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. 4
273 UNSEENS WE'D LIKE TO SEE Provide examples of any of the provided categories of things that will never happen. H
272 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these cartoons? H H H
269 SIGNS, AND THE TIMES Come up with new, helpful signage for downtown streets. You must state the problem, and propose the sign to rectify it. H H
268 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Take the names of this year's Triple Crown nominees, mate any two of them, a propose a name for the foal. The foal's name must be contained in 18 characters, including spaces. H H
267 THE CONCEPT CONCEPT Come up with a situation for a "People Unclear on the Concept" cartoon. Describe the situation and supply any necessary dialogue. 3
265 A SPORK OF GENIUS Come up with new products like the spork: combinations of two existing products that work together in some special way. Name the device and explain its function. 3
264 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? 4
263 THE GAME OF THE NAME Propose a bad name for the provided categories. H
262 CAMPAIGN FOR ONE Design a line for Niels Hoven to deliver in his campaign for a student government office that will wake up a snoozing audience. H H H
261 WHAT IF YOU GIVE IT A TRY II Alter some crucial moment in history, and then tell us the likely outcome. 4 H H H H
260 IT'S A SNAP Come up with replacements for the two hackneyed answers: "Is the Pope Catholic?" and "When Hell freezes over." H
259 SPARE EXCHANGE, BUDDY? Take any phone number of any business or government office in the Washington area, translate the first two digits into their constituent letters and propose any appropriate one-word exchange. H H
256 THE PYLE INVITATIONAL Come up with hip, contemporary riddles and answers. The punch line must contain a painful pun. W
255 SCANDAL IN THE WIND Each of the provided items is somehow related to the current presidential scandal. Tell us how. H
253 IT'S A PITY Enter any of the provided contests. Winners will be judged entirely on the basis of how pitiful an attempt at humor the entry is. H
251 QUOTH THE MAVEN Take any famous line, change it by one letter only (add, subtract or change a single letter), and reattribute it. H
250 OH, GREAT Complete the sentence "Wouldn't it be great if …" H H
249 BAD NEWS, GOOD NEWS Supply a silver lining for any scourge or social ill facing America or the world. 2 H H
247 BLACK AND WHITE AND WED ALL OVER Propose the marriage of any two people, and the song they should not play at their wedding. The people must be a man and a woman. H H H W
246 OUR OWN DEVICES What do these contraptions do? Tell us in 50 words or fewer. H H H H W
245 LIKE FUN Complete any of the provided "A is like B because" sentences. H H H
240 ADDING INSULT Come up with elegant insults directed at any famous person, living or dead, such as the real encomiums above. H
239 NAME THAT TOON Send us the captions for cartoons not provided. 1 H H
237 ASK BACKWARD You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? 2
234 THE JOKE'S ON YOU Complete any of the provided jokes as it would be told by someone famous, living or dead. H
229 WE CAN'T HEAR YOU Supply an example for any of the five "Things you don't want to hear" categories provided. H H
227 WILD PITCHES Come up worthy successors to Joe Camel. Name the product, and describe the totally inappropriate cartoon character that would be created to represent it. H
223 ATTEMPTING REENTRY Submit entries to any past contest, so long as you never submitted them before. H H H H H H I W
221 SONG SUNG BROWN Pick any song, pick a well-known line, and give us the discarded first draft. If it is part of a rhyme, you must maintain the rhyme. H
218 CALLING THE TOON Who are these people? What are they doing? H H H
217 NO QUESTION ABOUT IT Come up with truly stupid questions. H
216 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Pair up any two of the 400-plus horses who have qualified for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their foal, in a maximum of 18 characters, including spaces. H H H
209 WE NEED SOME SEASONING Come up with the first signs of spring in Washington. H H
208 SEND IN THE CLONES Suggest questions a commission to investigate the moral, legal and practical question raised by cloning might consider. H
207 TIED TO BE FIT Each of the eight provided items is related, in some fashion, to one or more of the provided individuals. You make the connections. H H H H
206 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE II Create a new word by combining the first half of any hyphenated word in today's newspaper with the second half of any other hyphenated word elsewhere in the same story, and supply a definition. H
205 SOME PIG Beg for the prize: convince us why you, and you alone, deserve to get it. L
204 DOUBLE EXPRESSO Take any well-known colorful expression, and modernize it. H
201 THE ELEMENTS OF STYLE Come up with a new element and its symbol, and provide a brief description of its chemical or physical properties. H
197 DAVE'S WORLD Make David Twenhafel laugh. Any sort of delightful drollery or amusing witticism will do, so long as it is not the sort of lowbrow fare we usually favor. H
196 YOU MUST BE MAD Come up with a contemporary Scene We'd Like to See. 3 H
193 ASK BACKWARDS VIII You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? H H W
192 HILL'S BILLS Come up with bills any of the new members of Congress might jointly sponsor. H
191 GOING THROUGH A PHRASE Come up with phrase for an American English phrasebook that would provide no practical help whatsoever to a foreigner trying to get along in the United States. H H
190 OFFICE YOU CAN'T REFUSE Come up with a Principle for the Workplace. I
188 BLANKETY BLANKS Complete any of the above sentences, substituting your own phrases for the well-known omitted words. H H
187 RACE TO THE FINISH LINE In 75 words or fewer, continue in a productive fashion the story line of the provided real first lines of famous literary works. 1 H
182 CAN YOU STOP THIS? Come up with a conversation stopper, a line likely to end all further discourse, perhaps even empty a room. H
181 YOU CAN TAKE IT TO DEBUNK Take a common slogan or saying and prove it wrong with at least one example. H H W
177 SOUNDS LIKE TROUBLE Tell us what any of the provided sounds are. 2
175 FOSSIL FOOLS What would aliens mistakenly conclude about us from any of the provided items? 2 H
174 THE EDGE OF MIGHT Complete any of the four provided "you might" phrases. 3 H H H L
173 DEAD RECKONING Propose a question that might be asked by a living celebrity to a famous dead person. You must name the living person, name the dead person, and tell us the question. 4
171 ON SECOND THOUGHT Ideas that never got off the drawing board, for good reason. H H H H
169 DIFF'RENT JOKES Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H H
164 MEAN MEANINGS Translate things politicians say into what they really mean. 4 H H
160 SEEKING WISE GUYS Come up with cool new bad-guy terms. H
159 ODDBALLS Which item in each series does not belong? Explain your answer. H
157 WARNING SIGNS Complete any of these "you might be about to" warning sentences. H H H H
156 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Create new word by combining the first half of a hyphenated word with the second half of a hyphenated word. Both words must appear in the same story anywhere in today's Washington Post. Each entry must provide a definition for the newly created word. H
155 COMPARISON SHOPPING Explain the difference between any two of the above items. W
153 STUMP US Complete this sentence, "I should be elected President of the United States because…" and launch your campaign. H H H H H
151 STRIP MINING Come up with a concept for a new, controversial strip to replace an existing one in The Post. H
150 TRIAL BALLOONS What are the people saying? H H
148 RORSCHACH OF THE CROWD IV Interpret these ink blots. 1 H
147 JUST FOR LIFFS Come up with original liffs, which identify a familiar, tantalizing concept without a word to define it, and pairs it with a perfectly good but underutilized word that just loafs around on maps and street signs. 5 H H H H H
146 IT'S LIKE THIS Produce an A and B to complete the expression "A makes about as much sense as B." 2 H H
145 LOOIE, LOOIE Come up with paired, themed ladies' room and men's room signs for various types of public places. H
141 ASK BACKWARD VII You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H H H
140 WHAT IF YOU GIVE IT A TRY? Come up with "What-If" scenarios and logical outcomes. 1 H H H H
139 EMPLOYMENT LINES Come up with jobs that make even your crummy job seem good. H H
138 LIST BUT NOT LEAST Come up with Top-10-style lists for any of the above four subjects. H H
132 GIVE US THE BACKS OFF OUR SHIRTS. What should our loser's T-shirt say on the back? Your goal is to somehow capture the spirit of the contest. H
131 DROODLEYSQUAT Come up with "droodles," simple geometric drawings with funny explanations. H H
130 NICELY STATED Create a fictional city to be humorously paired with a real state abbreviation. H
129 REMAKE US HAPPY Come up with alternative story lines to movie titles, new or old. H H W
128 LIKE, DUH Come up with snappy answers to stupid questions. H
127 GADGET IF YOU CAN Choose one or more of these devices and describe their use. H H H
126 EVERYBODY'S TALKIN' What are these people, etc., saying or thinking? A H
125 ASK BACKWARD VI You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? 3
122 THE UNKINDEST CUTE OF ALL Come up with a new story line for "Peanuts", some plot development or new character that will put the strip back on the road to relevance. 2
120 SIMILE OUTRAGEOUS Come up with inept analogies, rotten comparisons as a literary device. H H
119 MUZAK TO OUR EAR Come up with unfortunate Muzak songs to hear on the phone while on hold. You can use either a song title or a lyric. 4 H H H
118 WEAK 118 Take any photo caption or headline appearing anywhere in today's Post and alter its meaning by adding, deleting, or changing one letter. H H
117 GIVE 'EM HELOISE Come up with a tribute to Heloise, that queen of inanely creative recycling. 3 H H
116 WRITE PURE POETRY Write a complete sentence using only the letters contained on the top row of a typewriter. Alternatively, you can use the letters of the first four lines of the standard eye chart. L
111 ASK BACKWARDS V Here are the answers. What are the questions? 4 H H H
110 DO NOT INHALE THIS PAGE Come up with absurd warning labels that might be found on common products. 2 H
108 NEAR MISSES Come up with the first drafts of great lines in history, entertainment or literature. H
106 DRAWING CONCLUSIONS Who are these people, and what are they doing? H
105 WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA? Come up with Good Ideas and then convert them to Bad Ideas through slight changes in wording. 1 H
104 HERE, DOGGEREL Create poems so bad they thud. The first line must be a name. The second line can be as long or as short as you wish. The third line must sound the same as the first line, using the name as a verb or some other part of speech. H
103 SEND HELP. Come up with ways to raise some badly needed cash for the District of Columbia. 4 H
102 HELP! I'M A PRISONER IN THIS CONTEST Come up with fortune cookie messages that you would love to see, but never will. H
101 [deliberately left blank] [deliberately left blank] H H H
100 THE JOKE'S ON YOU Retell any of these jokes as they would be told by some celebrity, living or dead. 1 H
99 WHAT'S WRONG WITH THESE PICTURES? What's wrong with these pictures? 1
98 YOUR CHEATIN' ART Come up with titles for country music songs featuring any one or more of the following themes: cheatin', thievin', drinkin', truckin', lovin' or dogs. H
95 HOW'S THAT AGAIN? Take any headline appearing anywhere in The Post this week and completely rewrite the first lines of the story to put a different, unintended spin on it. 3
94 WEEKS 1-93 Come up with a great answer to any previous Style Invitational contest, an answer you may have thought of after the contest was over. H
91 ASK BACKWARD IV You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H H H W
90 BILL US NOW Come up with funny legislation based on the names of the 102 freshman congresspersons. H
89 CHILD'S PLAY Come up with bad ideas for new toys for the Christmas season. 3
88 GIVE US SOME GOOD NEWS Come up with ways things are going to be different now that Republicans have ascended to power. H
87 WEST EASY, ANN Come up with good things about West Virginia, in 50 words of fewer. 1 H H H H
85 PLAY MYTHTY FOR ME Come up with new urban myths, those vaguely believable, wildly paranoid stories that circulate by word of mouth until they are generally accepted as true. 4
84 THE WASHINGTON IRVINGS Come up with creative names for the high school football teams of real towns in America. H H
82 PICTURE THIS Who are these people, and what are they doing? 2 H H H H
80 NICK KNACKS Come up with a great nickname for any contemporary celebrity. H W
77 THE RORSCHACH OF THE CROWD II What do these ink blots mean? 1 H
75 CURSES! Come up with modern maledictions in the wise and entertaining Yiddish tradition. H
74 SHIRT HAPPENS In 10 words or fewer, what should the back of the "Year 2" T-shirt say? 3 H H H
73 LUNACY Tell us what Neil Armstrong should have said upon stepping onto the moon's surface, instead of what he did, the greatest gaffe in the history of Historic Sayings. 3
72 OH, HELL Come up with the perfect vision of Hell for a famous person, living or dead. 1 H
70 SOUNDS LIKE A BAD IDEA Come up with jokes based on noises. H H H W
69 LAYING DOWN THE LAW Send us some exciting new principles that explain why things happen they way they happen. 3 H H
68 GIVE US A SIGN Come up with new astrological signs for the 1990s, together with one day's horoscope. H
67 FAMOUS LAST WORDS Make up the last words of famous dead people whose last words are unknown. H
66 THE SON-OF-SMITH LAW In 50 words or fewer, what do we do about the Chuck Smith problem? W
65 DESPERATELY SEEKING HUMOR Write a personal ad. It may be for a celebrity or for anyone in need of adroit euphemism. H
63 BAD ABOUT YOU Come up with a lame idea for a Style Invitational contest, an idea destined to create unfunny results. 4
62 BAD NEWS BEARERS Come up with statements one would not want to hear from friends, relatives, service personnel, etc. 1 H
61 NO HARD FEELINGS Fill in the balloons in these cheerful farewell panels drawn by Marc Rosenthal, the Style Invitational artist who is being replaced by Bob Staake. 2 3 4 H H W
60 ASK BACKWARDS III You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? 1 H H H H
59 A GRAVE AFFAIR Write appropriate epitaphs for the not-yet-dead. 2
57 CALLING THE TOON Who are these people, and what are they doing? H H H H H
56 DO THE HOOKY POKEY Come up with inventive ways to call in sick or otherwise persuade your employer you must miss a day. 3 H
54 ODD COUPLING Write comical combinations of famous names, by marriage or other conceit. 2
53 CRUEL FETE Tell us how the Invitational has changed America. R R R
52 PERJURED TESTIMONIALS Come up with inappropriate celebrity endorsements for real products. W
51 CAPTION CRUNCH, VOL. II Supply captions for any of these pictures. 5 H H H
50 GIVE US THIS DAY There are no holidays between Presidents' Day and Memorial Day, a cheerless run of more than three months. Let's stick one in there, somewhere. The holiday should celebrate something or someone uniquely American. Tell us the date, the name of the holiday and how it should be observed. 4 H
49 A SLALOM OCCASION Come up with events for a Washington Olympics. They can be winter or summer sports, based on bureaucracy or other themes peculiar to Washington, and must include a brief description of the event. 1 H
48 SNIVEL WAR Beg for the coveted Style Invitational T-shirts. L
46 WE WANT STUPID ENTRIES ONLY Make up a sentence that, were it not for this contest, would never be uttered. H
45 INVITATION TO A DUAL, II. Deliver us a Good News-Bad News scenario. 4 A H H H H H H L
43 GOOD LORD! What does God look like? L
42 HEY, IT COULD BE WORSE There are worse things in life than the Washington Redskins. Just tell us what they are. A H H H H
41 READ-END COLLUSION Design a Style Invitational bumper sticker to be awarded to all Honorable Mentions. 4 H H
40 NOT WRONG. JUST INCORRECT. What's next on the political correctness agenda? H
39 WAY OUTSIDE THE LINES Name a new crayon color for the 1990s, with a description. H H H
38 ASK BACKWARDS II You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? H H H
37 A STATE OF DISGRACE? Propose any of the following for D.C.: A State Name, A State Flower, A State Bird, A State Slogan, A State Capital, A Governor, An Insulting State Joke. H H H
36 SCAM ON WRY Come up with a prank you can play, for fun, profit, or deliverance of a well-needed comeuppance. H
35 LIGHT AT THE END? Tell the federal government what it should do with the 14-mile-long, 15-foot-diameter sausage-shaped tunnel it dug near Waxahachie, Tex., for the Superconducting Super Collider project that was scrapped by Congress last week. H
34 INSPECT A GADGET What do these machines do? 3
31 INVITATION TO A DUAL Divide the world into two types of people. H H
30 THE RORSCHACH OF THE CROWD Interpret any of the provided ink blots. 3 H
28 MOTHERS-IN-LAW OF INVENTION Propose some drastic change in government to help the economy or otherwise improve the quality of life in America. A H
27 IT'S THE EPONYMY, STUPID Coin an eponym, a word or figure of speech based on the name of a famous person. You must define the word, and, if you wish, use it in a sentence. 1 H
26 CASTING ABOUT FOR AN IDEA Name a political person (past or present) and the TV or movie role in which he or she could have been cast. H H
25 CAPTION CRUNCH Write a caption for any of these photos. H H H H H
24 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" Those are the answers. What are the questions? 6 A H H H
23 HAPPY ENDINGS Modernize an old quote or expression by altering its ending. H
22 STUMP US Come up with slogans for the 1996 presidential campaign. 2
21 A SO-SO CONTEST Describe somebody--or something--through exaggerated comparison. H H W
19 A RECYCLED IDEA THAT WAS NONE TOO GOOD TO BEGIN WITH Alter a well-known phrase or name by deleting, adding or changing only one letter, and then supply a definition for what results. H
18 PUNCH US IN THE EAR Give us a motto for The Washington Post. 3 H H
17 REDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM Come up with an easy way to reduce the federal deficit, in 20 words or fewer. 1
16 I AM ADDICTED TO AN ASININE CONTEST… Come up with sleazy new topics for the daytime talks. 4 H H
14 COLLECTIVE INSANITY Modernize collective nouns (as in a "pride" of lions or an "exaltation" of larks), inventing snide new names for groups of things. 4 H H
11 YOU GIVE US THE BACKS OFF OUR SHIRTS The back of the shirt needs a slogan, something that captures the spirit of The Style Invitational. What is that spirit? You tell us. H H
8 I AM SPURIOUS (YELLOW) Write a headline for the Weekly World News (Maximum length, 10 words) 4 H
6 PUTTING WORDS IN THEIR MOUTHS In 40 words or less, write a caption for either of these two generic cartoons drawn by famed Style Invitational artist Marc Rosenthal. H H W


Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"


"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.

[still working on this ...]