PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR JAY SHUCK

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1320 Questionable journalism Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in the Post or another publication, in print or online, dated Feb. 21-March 4, and pair it with a question it might answer. H
1161 Give us four Pinocchios Tell us some false "facts" about politicians, present or past. H
1099 Questionable journalism Take a sentence (or most of a sentence) that appears in an article in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com dated Nov. 20 through Dec. 1 (in print, any article from those days' papers), and make up a question that the sentence could answer. H
863 It's Post time Breed any two of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races, and name the foal. H
859 Can't goods Cast a joke in one of the forms listed above. H
858 Same OED Make up a false definition for any of the words listed below. H
843 Prefrains Provide a sentence or two of lead-in to the first line of a well-known book, poem, or song. H H
842 Ask backwards Here are your 12 possible answers. Tell us your joke in the form of a question, please. H
839 Overlap Dance Overlap two words that share two or more consecutive letters -- anywhere in the word, not just at the beginning or end -- into a single longer word, and define it. AND your portmanteau word must begin with a letter from A through D. H
838 Picture This Provide a caption for any of these pictures. H
824 Jestinations Give us a slogan for any city or town. W
823 Wryku Compose a humorous (or at least wry or clever) haiku. H
821 Spit the Difference How are any of the items on the list above alike or different? H
820 Be Mister Language Person Supply a Mister Language Person-type question and answer. H
819 Art Re-View These objects are not what they seem to be, at first glance. They are something else entirely. What are they? 2 H H
818 Name the Day Cite an actual holiday or one of those silly commemorative days, weeks or months for which you can find previous evidence, and supply a snarky description or slogan. H
809 Unkindest Cutlines Supply cutlines, or captions, for any of these newspaper photos. H
808 Take Us At Our Words Create a humorous poem or other writing using only the words contained in this week's Style Invitational column or results. 2 H
807 Pretty Graphic Expressions Express some insight as an equation or other mathematical expression. H H
805 Brand Eccchs Give us an original name in any of the above categories (not an actual badly named product). 3
804 Our Type o' Joke Change a headline by one letter, or switch two letters, in a headline (or most of a headline) appearing on an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com between Feb. 14 and 23, and elaborate on it in a "bank" headline (subhead) or a brief first sentence of an article that would run under it. 4 W
802 Dreck TV Suggest a new cable TV channel, with a description or example of its programming. H H
798 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem commemorating someone who died in 2008. 4 H
797 Be Resolute Make a humorous resolution for some particular person or institution to accomplish next year. 4
795 Stimulate Us Tell us what the government ought to be spending our money on. H
792 Clue Us In Compile a set of funny alternative clues to a crossword penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H H
788 The Back End of a Bulwer Give us a comically terrible ending of a novel. 4 H
782 That's the Ticket! Explain why any of the items on the list below is qualified to be President of the United States. H H
781 Our Greatest Hit Start with a word or multi-word term that begins with I, J, K or L; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H
777 Limerixicon 5 Supply a humorous limerick featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters da-. H H
774 Tour De Forks Supply a name for a restaurant dish named after someone (or some product or organization) and describe it. 3
773 Always Looking for Sects Coin a religion or belief system and tell us its basic tenet or distinguishing characteristic. H
772 Make It Simile, Stupid Translate a sentence or two of literature or other good writing so that "Los Angeles residents under 40" can appreciate it. H H
767 Questionable Journalism Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in the Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com from May 31 through June 9 and come up with a question it might answer. H H
765 It's Doo-Dah Day Write humorous lyrics commemorating any of the 50 states of the District, set to any of these Stephen Foster songs. 3
763 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. 2 H
762 Look This Up in Your Funk & Wagnalls Supply the pair of terms listed at the top of a page of any print dictionary to indicate the first and last listings on the page, and define that hyphenated term. H
761 Strip Mining Supply the text for any or all three of these Bob Staake comic strips. H
760 Whacksy Buildup Describe any of these Googlewhacks in the form of a question, "Jeopardy"-style. H H
758 Wrong Address Using any of the words of Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, in whatever order you like, create your own passage. H
756 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from March 15 through 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. 4 H H
754 Canny Similarities Cite a humorous "uncanny similarity" between any two of the very different people listed above. H H
752 The Might-Mates Right Fill out any of these five "you just might" joke-templates. H H
751 Strike Gold Slightly change the name of an existing or former TV show to create a program that can scab the writers' strike. H
749 Opus 266, No. 3 Take any common word or two-word term beginning with any letter from A through H and give it a new definition. H H H
748 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem about a well-known personage who died in 2007. H
747 Boeing Us Silly Suggest some comical ways to improve air travel, either in general or for yourself. H
744 You OED Us One Make up a humorous and false definition for any of the words listed below. H
742 Clue Us In Give us a whole new set of clues to a crossword puzzle penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H
741 Well, What Do You Know? Tell us what Major Life Lessons can be derived from any of these venues or situations. H H
740 Give Us a Hint Offer clues in various situations that something isn't working out well. H
739 Lies, All Lies Give us some humorous fictional revelation about a current or past political figure. H
738 So What's To Liken? Take any two items from the utterly random list above and explain how they are different or how they are similar. H H
736 So, Should I Drive Like Your Brother? Ask a car-related question that would make the Car Guys crack up. If you're not into cars, you can also post a question for advice columnist Ask Amy or etiquette columnist Miss Manners. H H
734 Turnaround Time Write a rhyming couplet containing two words that are anagrams of each other. H
733 Just Drop It, Okay? Drop the first letter from an actual word or term to make a new word or term, and define it. H
731 Doo Process Describe for us a wildly inefficient and ridiculous way to produce or prepare an ordinary dish or beverage. H
730 Time-Wastes For Everyman Describe activities that make entering The Style Invitational seem like a constructive use of one's time. H H H
729 Otherwordly Visions Take any sentence in an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 1 through Sept. 10 and translate it into "plain English." H
728 Tour de Fours IV Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters S, A, T and R. H
727 We Get a C-Section Tell us some pros and cons of moving The Style Invitational to the Saturday Style section; or write us up some free promo-ad copying announcing the move. H
726 Limerixicon 4 Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the dictionary beginning with cl- through co-. 1
725 Beggars For Description Describe, without being boring, a cartoon to fit any of the provided captions. H H M
724 Abridged Too Far Sum up a book, play or movie in a humorous rhyming verse of two to four lines. H
721 Know Your Market For any of the provided photos, supply two captions: one that would appeal to The Style Invitational and one that would appeal to the Harrisburg Patriot-News. H
720 The Course of Humor Events Sum up a historical event in a two-line rhyme or other clever and pithy epigram. H H H H H
719 We Har the World Come up with a creative name for a sports team for a town or city anywhere outside the United States. H
718 Put Our Heads Together Create a new, funny headline from the words of any headlines appearing anywhere in a single day's Washington Post (or on washingtonpost.com) 3 H H
716 The Hard Spell Write a humorous poem featuring one of the 75 words we've selected from this year's National Spelling Bee. H
715 Your Mug Here Send us an idea for a slogan for the back of the new Loser T-shirt. H
714 Amalgamated Steal Merge two or more company or product names into a new, ORIGINAL company or product. 1 H
713 Painings Name and interpret any of the provided paintings by Fred Dawson. 4 H H H
712 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in the results of Week 708, and name THEIR foal. 1 H
711 Join Now! Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the April 29 or May 6 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound. H H
710 Aw, Shoot Send us a funny, clever, entirely original photo featuring kitchen utensils and/or small household tools. 2 H
709 A Return Engagement Come up with some novel change to the tax code: a tax on something ought to be taxed, a credit for something that should be rewarded, what the $3 should go to instead of presidential campaigns, etc. H
708 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two from a list of 100 of the horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H
707 What Would YOU Do? Use only the words appearing in "The Cat in the Hat" to create your own work of "literature" of no more than 75 words. 1 H
706 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com from March 24 through April 2 and come up with a question it could answer. H
705 Simile Outrageous Come up with funny analogies, perhaps with some 21st-century references. H H W
704 Another Game of Tag Create vanity plates for well-known people, real or fictional. H H
703 Freak Trade Agreements Think of one thing to trade for another, and supply a short and funny explanation. H
700 Stump Us Come up with someone's slogan for the 2008 presidential campaign. H H
699 Our Greatest Hit Take a word, term or name that begins with E, F, G or H; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. 3 H H
698 Let's Get Personnel Send us some humorously creative questions that a job interviewer would ask an applicant, or some questions it might be fun to ask the interviewer. 3 H
695 Dead Letters Write a poem about someone who died in 2006. H H H
693 Everything Being Sequel Give a brief scenario for the sequel to a well-known movie. H
692 Reinkernation Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 640 through Week 688. Every entry must include the word "three" or "third" or a creative variation. H H H H
691 Haven't Got a Clue Make all the clues in the provided crossword ooh-clever or at least ah-that's-funny, even the little words. H H
689 Busted Play Come up with a more objectionable or stupid toy than a working fart-powered toy rocket. H H
688 Making Short Work Write a humorous six-word story. H
687 What Were They Thinking? Tell us (A) What someone might say in some situation, and (B) what that person was actually thinking when he said A. H
685 Thank it Over Tell us some things to be thankful for. H
682 Punkin'd! Send us a funny, clever, entirely original photo featuring one or more pumpkins and/or other vegetables. 2 H H
681 Ticket to Write Write a jingle for a business (or its product), organization or government agency, set to a Beatles song. H H H W
680 Rendered Speechless Provide dialogue to fill the balloons in any of these cartoons. H H H
679 Ask Backwards Here are the answers. You supply the questions to as many as you dare. H H
677 The News Gets Verse Sum up wittily in verse -- but not a limerick -- any article appearing in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Aug. 28 through Sept. 4. 3 H H
676 Tour de Fours III Coin and define a word containing -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters L, E, A and F. H H
675 Cut Us Some Slack Come up with humorous ways to be lazy. 1 H H
674 Limerixicon 3 Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ca-. H
672 Just Sign This Write a funny message for an overhead highway sign. H H H H
671 Join Now! Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the July 16 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound. H H
670 A Test of Character Change a word or phrase by only one letter -- substitute one letter for another, add a letter or transpose two letters -- and explain how they are different or similar. H
669 Huddled Messes Suggest some bad advice for new arrivals to this country (legal or illegal). 1
668 Cut From the Chase Write an original John-Bunnell-style wrap-up to a crime story -- or one for a more minor transgression. H H H H H
667 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com anytime from now through June 26 and supply a question it could answer. H
666 Bedevil Us Give a mini-sermon explaining how some innocuous object or event signals the End of Days. H
665 Your One-in-a-Million Coin the millionth word in the English language and define it. The word must end in -ion. H
664 A Thousand Times?! No! Come up with a new signature line for Russell Beland's -- or anyone else's -- e-mails. H
663 Worth at Least a Dozen Words Interpret any of the provided cartoons as you see fit in a caption. H H
661 Name Any Good Movies Lately? Give us a funny new title for an existing movie. H H H
660 Foaling Down: The Next Generation Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. H H
659 Tell Us a Fib Compose a six-line poem with the following number of syllables per line: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8. It must be about a person or topic currently in the news, and two successive lines must rhyme. 3 H H H
658 Not in the Cards Send us ideas for cards that would likely be ruled "FBN" (Funny, But No) by Hallmark but F&YYY by the Empress. H
657 Nuts Fruit Send in funny (but printable) images of real pieces of fruit. H
654 It Plays to Recycle Come up with funny ways to recycle things, people, writing (except for your old Invitational entries) or ideas. 1 H
652 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. You supply the questions. H H H
651 Show Us Some Character Add a character to a book or movie and tell us what happens in it. W
650 King Us Give us a scenario for a horror novel based on an everyday item. 1 H
649 Across the Wide What? Give us some Virginia-appropriate lyrics for "Shenandoah." 2
648 Caller IDiot Name a product or company and supply a stupid question to ask the consumer hotline person. H H
646 Warped Perspectives Tell us how two different types of people, animals, organizations, etc., would interpret any of the provided cartoons. H H
645 A Hearty Har Har Write up a Valentine's sentiment to any personage, or to someone in some generic category. H
644 Winter Limp Picks Brighten up the Winter Olympics with some new events and rules. Alternatively, you can suggest a commercial or ad campaign that could be tied in with the Winter Games or one of its sports. H
643 The Post's Mortems Give us a rhyming poem about some notable who died in 2005. H
641 Dreck of All Trades Come up with a business that combines two or more disparate products or services, and tell us its name and/or something else funny about it. H
640 Whassa Motto Wid You? Give us a slogan or motto for any of the states, the District or the U.S. Territories. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]