PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR RALPH SCOTT
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- W: Win, whether of the regular contest or the auxiliary contests.
- 1: 1st Runner-Up; rarely seen now, last awarded to Jon Dixon in Week 792.
- 2: 2nd Runner-Up; this is second in esteem after the Win, and earns a Loser the crappy prize that used to go to the Winner.
- 3: 3rd Runner-Up.
- 5: 5th Runner-Up; rarely seen now, last awarded to Nan Reiner in Week 1152.
- 6: 6th Runner-Up; rarely seen now, last awarded to Brendan Beary in Week 561.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
||Hot Off The Riddle
||Supply a simple riddle and both the wholesome answer and the (printable) Invitational answer.
||Slightly change the name of an existing or former TV show to create a program that can scab the writers' strike.
||Lies, All Lies
||Give us some humorous fictional revelation about a current or past political figure.
||What is going on in these cartoons?
||A PREQUEL OPPORTUNITY OFFERING
||Come up with a "prequel" to some classic film or work of literature. You must produce a title and a brief plot summary, which of course must take place prior to the main action of the original work.
||Take any of the provided cartoons and come up with a matched pair of interpretations for what is happening.
||CALLING THE TOON
||What are these things?
||IT'S LIKE THIS
||Come up with really lame analogies.
||Come up with old and new concerns for the baby boom generation.
||5 H H |
||What is happening in these cartoons?
||A BRAND NEW CONTEST
||Come up with celebrity-brand products.
||THE RIGHT STUFF
||Write a sentence, or phrase, or entire passage, using only your right hand on the keyboard. This means you may use no keys to the left of N, H, Y and 7.
||3 H H |
||Take the name of any commercial product and redefine it.
||1 H H |
||THE WORLD THEORIES
||Codify some of life's more populist theories.
||BEFORE AND AFTERMATH
||Begin with a real name, append to it a word, name or expression that completes the bridge, and finally define the resulting phrase.
||6 H |
||Make your own Clintoon, a comic strip consisting of any or all of the provided drawings.
||Take a common phrase containing a specific number, add or subtract one, and explain the revised phrase.
||ASK BACKWARDS MCLXVII
||You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions?
||H H H |
||Take any story anywhere in today's Post and append to it a single snide observation, concerning either the headline or the text of the story.
||EXPRESSING IT NICELY
||Come up with colorful expressions for any of the six provided activities, to make them sound a little less tawdry.
||LIFE IN THE BLURBS
||Come up a simple plot summary to help attract the modern audience to any classic work of fiction. It must be literally true and defensible.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]