PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR BEN SCHWALB

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1125 The song remains the sa Supply a real song title that has the end or beginning -- or, what the heck, both -- chopped off and describe it. H H
812 Rx-Related Humor Offer up some entirely false medical or psychological "fact." H H
766 Think to Shudder Come up with scenarios that are even more awkward (and more imaginative) than the wincers mentioned above. H
691 Haven't Got a Clue Make all the clues in the provided crossword ooh-clever or at least ah-that's-funny, even the little words. H
659 Tell Us a Fib Compose a six-line poem with the following number of syllables per line: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8. It must be about a person or topic currently in the news, and two successive lines must rhyme. P
642 It's Open Season Come up with a brand-new word and its definition. The words must begin with O, P, Q, R or S. H H
635 I've Told You a Hundred Times Enter any Style Invitational from Week 536 to Week 631. Your entry must be substantially different from the original winners. H H H
629 Odd Couplings Marry or otherwise combine famous names and supply the result. H
612 Oh, and One More Thing What was the thing that didn't make the cut on any list? H
587 The B-List Come up with an In-Out list for 2005, or other pairings. H
577 Teledubbies Slightly change the title of a TV show, past or present, and describe it. H
571 A Tour de Fours Create and define a word that includes T, H, E, and S in any order. The letters must appear consecutively. H
568 Tome Deftness Make a pun or similar wordplay on a book title. H
531 Your Cynic Duties Come up with a saying that sounds as if it's going to be inspirational, but winds up being cynical, misanthropic or sad. H
527 Rite of First Defusal Come up with witty or bizarre things to say to defuse the tension in awkward moments. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]