PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR J. LARRY SCHOTT

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1354 As the Word turns 5: Taking our vowels "Discover" a word or multiword term that consists of adjacent letters -- in any direction or several directions -- in the provided grid, and provide a humorous definition. H
1348 Same difference Explain humorously how any two or more of the provided items are alike, different or otherwise connected. H
1345 The confaketionary -- food fictoids Tell us some comically false "fact" about food, drink or dining. H
1339 Songs for a modern error Write humorous lyrics about some modern woe, set to a familiar tune. H
1338 Picture This -- cartoon captions Supply a caption for one or more of the provided cartoons. H
1336 Two ways about it What's something (printable) you could say in two -- or more -- of the provided situations. H
1334 Mull 'er over: A search for collision Combine any two words, names, abbreviations, etc., from anywhere in the redacted Mueller report, in a two-word or hyphenated phrase and define it. P
1330 Spinoff x Time Is Now = Grandfoals Week! "Breed" any two of the 65 foal names that got ink this week, and name the offspring to reflect both parents' names. H
1326 Foaling around "Breed" any two names from the provided list of 100 horses and name the foal to reflect both names. H
1318 Love the tiny tail stain! Create an anagram -- a phrase or sentence with the letters rearranged -- of any text (except merely someone's name), of any length. H
1315 Clue us in -- our reverse crossword Supply clever, funny clues for as many as 25 of the 74 words and multi-word terms in the provided grid. H
1314 Bill Us Now -- 'joint legislation' Combine two or more names from the provided list of the new members of Congress to “co-sponsor” a bill based on their combined last names, and state its purpose H
1309 The Year in Redo, Part 1 Enter (or reenter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1255 through Week 1281. H H
1305 Hits and Googles Find us either a Googlenope -- a phrase in quotation marks that generates no previous hits -- or a Googleyup, a phrase that surprisingly does have hits. H
1304 All the muse that's fit to print Present a "what if" scenario and explain its effect. H
1302 Ask Backwards 37 Fifteen "answers" are provided. Tell us the questions. Do one or more, up to a total of 25 A&Q's. H H
1300 Botch office sensations Add "13" to an existing movie title, and some humorous trouble to the plot. H
1297 A different type o' headline contest Change a letter in an article or ad in the Post or another publication dated Sept. 13-24 by adding or subtracting one letter; substituting a letter; transposing two letters; or changing spacing or punctuation; and then add a "bank head." 4
1295 Really, now? A matter of degree. Tell us an indication to some problem, followed by an even more dire sign. H
1294 As the word turns “Discover” a word or multiword term that consists of adjacent letters — in any direction or several directions — in the provided grid, and provide a humorous definition. H
1282 Picture This Write a caption for one or more of the provided pictures. 4 H
1281 We only have (googly) eyes for you Send us a photo of something that you have made funny by pasting googly eyes on it; funny titles and captions are optional. H P
1279 Just do it -- the 'real' way List some "accurate" directions for using some product or completing some task. H
1274 Heading for a foal -- our horse name 'breeding' contest Your job is to "breed" any two names of the 360 horses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races and name the "foal" to reflect both names. H H
1266 The Tile Invitational V Create a five-, six-, or seven-letter word (or phrase) by scrambling the letters of any of the sets and define it. H
1249 Ask Backwards 36 Choose any of the 15 provided items and follow it with a question that it could humorously answer. H
1150 A deviant character Change the name of person or animal -- real or fictional -- by adding or subtracting one letter; substituting one letter for another; or switching the positions of two nearby letters, and describing the results. 4
1133 Are 'hew ready? A contest for clerihews A clerihew is a humorous four-line rhyming poem about a person whose name is mentioned in the first line; in fact, the name must be at the end of that line (or constitute the whole line) so that it has to rhyme with something. The rhyme structure (and we don't want "lazy" rhymes) is AABB: the first line rhymes with the second, the third with the fourth. 4 H
1042 Tour de Fours X: Go SANE Create a new word or two-word term containing the letter block S-A-N-E -- in any order, but consecutively, and define it. H
823 Wryku Compose a humorous (or at least wry or clever) haiku. H
819 Art Re-View These objects are not what they seem to be, at first glance. They are something else entirely. What are they? H
816 Googillions Come up with an original phrase that generates at least 1 million listings on a Google search. 2
814 There Will Be Bloodline Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name their foal. H
810 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the more than 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H
770 A Knack for Anachronism Take a famous historical moment, literary passage, or movie scene and place it in an entirely different age. H
765 It's Doo-Dah Day Write humorous lyrics commemorating any of the 50 states of the District, set to any of these Stephen Foster songs. H
759 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the 100 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H
758 Wrong Address Using any of the words of Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, in whatever order you like, create your own passage. P
754 Canny Similarities Cite a humorous "uncanny similarity" between any two of the very different people listed above. H H
751 Strike Gold Slightly change the name of an existing or former TV show to create a program that can scab the writers' strike. H H
749 Opus 266, No. 3 Take any common word or two-word term beginning with any letter from A through H and give it a new definition. H
747 Boeing Us Silly Suggest some comical ways to improve air travel, either in general or for yourself. H
746 We Err The World Give us a motto or short slogan for any country in the world. H
745 Hurry Up and Slow Down! Suggest particular ways that would slow life down, or ways that would speed it up. H
744 You OED Us One Make up a humorous and false definition for any of the words listed below. H
743 Picture This Write a caption for any of these Bob Staake cartoons. H H H H
742 Clue Us In Give us a whole new set of clues to a crossword puzzle penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H H H
740 Give Us a Hint Offer clues in various situations that something isn't working out well. H H
739 Lies, All Lies Give us some humorous fictional revelation about a current or past political figure. H
738 So What's To Liken? Take any two items from the utterly random list above and explain how they are different or how they are similar. 2
466 Spit the Difference Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H H
440 Picture This What is going on in these cartoons? H
391 Spinning Out of Control Take a headline in today's Washington Post and create a subhead that spins the story in an opposite or unexpected direction. H
390 Canine Fashion Write: 1. A caption for the provided image explaining what is happening; 2. An explanation of why the image is not photography but art; 3. A description of what additional items might be needed to make the image complete. Sex and potty jokes will be disqualified. H
307 IF YOU BOYCOTT THIS TASK / YOU WON'T WIN THE FLASK Come up with rhyming couplets to warn us about the perils of modern life. 1 H
305 ASK BACKWARDS CMXVI2 You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? 2
303 BOOM TIMES Come up with old and new concerns for the baby boom generation. H
302 UNSTATED TRUTHS Come up with lines that you'll never hear the provided people say. H H
300 A BRAND NEW CONTEST Come up with celebrity-brand products. H
295 PANEL DISCUSSION Supply the contents of the missing panel in the provided cartoon strips. H H H
294 PRODUCT LIARBILITY Take the name of any commercial product and redefine it. H W
292 PAYING THE BILL Propose appropriate punishments for President Clinton. H
288 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these pictures? H H
285 ELEVENIS, ANYTWO? Take a common phrase containing a specific number, add or subtract one, and explain the revised phrase. H H
282 TAKING SNIDES Take any story anywhere in today's Post and append to it a single snide observation, concerning either the headline or the text of the story. H L
281 CALCULATE THE ODDS Tell us which of the two provided items does not belong with the other two, and why. H W
277 LIFE IN THE BLURBS Come up a simple plot summary to help attract the modern audience to any classic work of fiction. It must be literally true and defensible. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]