This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know,

Key to Ink Types:

1333 Check your (homo)phones Invent a homophone--a word that sounds the same as an existing word but is spelled differently--and define it. H
1011 Top these! Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back. H
849 Homonymphomania Create a new homonym (or homophone) for any existing word and define it. H
564 Redefine Print Redefine any word from the dictionary. H
562 The LMNs of Style Write a funny sentence (or more) that you spell with only the sounds of the names of letters and those of numbers 1 through 9. W
561 Deform of a Question Take any sentence appearing in The Washington Post or today through June 14, and make up a question to which the sentence could be an answer. 3 H H H H
560 The 97.5-Meter Dash Suggest some time- and cost-saving measures so the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens will open on time. 3 H
558 Set Us Right Send us conservative-leaning humor in any of the provided genres. H
557 Oh, for Namesakes! Take two people, real or fictional, who share some element of their names and explain the difference between them. H
554 Love the Tiny Tail Stain Write an anagram based on a name or event that's been in the news recently. 3
553 Picture This Tell us what's going on in one or more of the provided cartoons. 2 H
552 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H
551 Lost in Translation Find us some comical translations-and-back using Google translator. Feed some passage of English text into the tool--25 words max--and ask it to translate it into one of the five languages offered; then copy the result back into the tool and ask it to translate that back to English. H H
548 Inklings Tell us about certain people's childhood experiences and behaviors that hint at their destinies. 2 H
545 Put It in Reverse Spell a word backward and define it, with the definition relating in some way to the original word. H H
544 You Gotta Have Heart Write us some valentine sentiments from one particular person (real or fictional) to another. H
543 Read Our Leaps Fill any readers of The Washington Post on Sunday, Feb. 29, 2032, on: (a) the day's lead news story; (b) the highest-flying company and its business; (c) the best-selling self-help book; and/or (d) the day's winning Style Invitational entry. H H
542 Discombobulate Us Come up with both an object/situation and a neologism for it, something that Bob Levey would never have stooped to print in his column. H
541 Celled Up the River Give us a delicious scenario, in which a cellphone yakker's yakking could be taken profitably out of context. H
538 Try, Try Again Enter any previous Invitational. Your entry must be substantially different from the original winners. 3 H
537 The New York Post Liven up any article appearing in The Washington Post or its Web site over the next eight days by giving it an irresponsibly sensationalistic headline. H W
536 And the Horse He Rodin On Come up with some words we can stick in the back of The Inker. H H
535 Picture This Can you tell us what astonishing news Bob Staake is trying to pass on with cartoons? H
534 The Feminine Touch Propose how any male-dominated occupation or institution would change if it suddenly became female-dominated. H H
532 Short Pans Come up with a terse review (four words or fewer) of any work of art. H H
530 Tri Harder Take any word, alter it in three ways--by adding a letter, by subtracting a letter and by changing a letter--and redefine all three new words. H
528 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
526 Conventional Wisdumb Answer any of the provided questions. H
525 It Won't Belong Now Tell us which of three cartoons provided does not belong, and why. H
521 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any hyphenated word in today's Washington Post (or Tuesday's USA Today) and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word in the same story, and define the new word it produces. H H
520 I, Object These items were ordered by well-known people. Who ordered them, and why? H
518 Say, Kids, What Time Is It? Fill in the blanks in the following sentence: "You know it's time to ------ when ------." 1
516 Err Apparent Come up with unwise things to say in any of the provided circumstances. H W
515 A Cellebration of Tasteful Living Come up with ways that Martha Stewart can prettify and improve her new prison surroundings using only her skills, her impeccable taste and those resources available to her. H
514 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? H
512 Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader Take the name of any person--living, dead, fictional--and use the letters of his name, in succession, to form the first letters of an expression appropriate to that person. H
502 Picture This Who are these people? What are they doing? H
501 Questionable Sentences Take any sentence appearing anywhere in today's Washington Post and make it the answer to a question. 3 H
498 Unamazing But True! Submit a true fact that is of absolutely no use, but interesting in a weirdly Invitationalist way. W
497 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H
496 The Style Invitational: The First Dreckade Submit new entries to any of the old contests listed, and try to beat The Very Best of the Past 10 Years. H
494 Quote-idian Take any extremely banal piece of familiar writing and rewrite it in the style of a famous writer, poet or lyricist. L
491 Hirschfeld Follies Try to figure out which celebrities Bob Staake is trying to draw in imitation of Al Hirschfeld. H
489 Combo, First Blood Combine two people whose names contain a common element, as in the examples above. Then describe the person, or provide a quote he or she might have uttered. H
486 A Word From Our Co-Sponsors Come up with bills the new members of Congress might sponsor. Each bill must have at least two sponsors. H H
484 Manufracturing Take any product and explain how it would be different if it were designed by a different existing company. H W
482 Inspect Our Gadgets What are these gadgets? What do they do? H H H
481 Homonymphomania Create a new homonym of any existing word, and define. The new word must be spelled in such a way that is obviously pronounced identically to the original word. 1
480 In No Uncertain Terminations Come up with a way to stop any unwanted overture in its tracks. H
479 Invest Case Scenario Suggest new companies in which it might be unwise to invest. 3
478 Do You Mindset? Anticipate items for the Mindset List for the freshman class of the year 2020. H H
477 A Load of Bulwer Give us the beginning of incompetently written novel. H
476 Portmanteautapping Make a new word by squishing together two existing words. The constituent words must share at least two letters. H H H
474 Alphabettering Create a sentence that uses each letter of the alphabet at least once but that would never be heard on the politically correct, genteel, rarified air of NPR. 1 4 H H W
473 Offensive Line Find what's offensive in any of the provided cartoons, and explain. H
471 Excuses, Excuses Come up with creative new excuses for not turning in homework, not filing your taxes on time, missing church or forgetting your spouse's birthday. H
469 Playing Check-In Suggest appropriate hotel check-in names for any celebrities, past or present, living or dead. H
466 Spit the Difference Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. 4
465 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any word or word combination in today's Post that is broken by a hyphen at the end of a line, and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word from the same story, and define the new word that is formed. H
459 Stock Humor Look at any of the abbreviated company names in the Nasdaq or New York Stock Exchange listings in any newspaper's business section and suggest what business the companies might be in. H
458 It's a Setup Come up with joke setups for any of the provided punch lines. H
457 Letter Rip Give us the beginning of a letter to the editor that is certain never to see print. 2 H
456 A Bad-Ask Contest You are still on Jeopardy!, and you still have to supply questions to the provided answers, but the winners will be the least funny answers. H
455 Comixing Create new comic characters by crossing two existing characters, then describe the character. 2
454 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H
451 Make Your Pix Which two of the provided cartoons are related, and how? H
450 Blues It or Lose It Write the first verse of a blues song expressing some Washington area woe. H
449 Cut and Pastiche Create a new, funny headline from the words of any headlines appearing anywhere in today's Post. You cannot subdivide words. 1
447 Acronimble Take any of the provided witty statements and use the first letters in each of the words to create a brand-new, unrelated funny statement. H
444 Advice Squad Take any letter from today's advice columns and answer it in the voice of someone famous, living or dead. H
441 Spit the Difference Take any two nouns that appear on the front page of today's Washington Post and explain how the nouns differ from each other. 3


Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"


"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.

[still working on this ...]