PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR PAUL SABOURIN
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- W: Win, whether of the regular contest or the auxiliary contests.
- 1: 1st Runner-Up; rarely seen now, last awarded to Jon Dixon in Week 792.
- 2: 2nd Runner-Up; this is second in esteem after the Win, and earns a Loser the crappy prize that used to go to the Winner.
- 4: 4th Runner-Up.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
- L: "And Last".
||Fork over some (new) Spoonerisms
||Write and original Q-A joke featuring a spoonerism.
||Come up with spoonerisms, expressions based on the transposition of the initial sounds of two paired words.
||Come up with inept analogies, rotten comparisons as a literary device.
||MUZAK TO OUR EAR
||Come up with unfortunate Muzak songs to hear on the phone while on hold. You can use either a song title or a lyric.
||Come up with the opening lines of a book so bad it will compel you to stop reading immediately; maximum 50 words.
||BILL US NOW
||Come up with funny legislation based on the names of the 102 freshman congresspersons.
||GIVE US A SIGN
||Come up with new astrological signs for the 1990s, together with one day's horoscope.
||Write comical combinations of famous names, by marriage or other conceit.
||NOT WRONG. JUST INCORRECT.
||What's next on the political correctness agenda?
||Give us the opening lines of a big story from American history as it might have been written by someone whose work appears in The Washington Post. Maximum 100 words. You must choose one of three news stories: "Lincoln Assassinated," "Stock Market Crashes" or "Man Walks on Moon."
||INVITATION TO A DUAL
||Divide the world into two types of people.
||IT'S THE EPONYMY, STUPID
||Coin an eponym, a word or figure of speech based on the name of a famous person. You must define the word, and, if you wish, use it in a sentence.
||4 H H |
||Modernize an old quote or expression by altering its ending.
||A SO-SO CONTEST
||Describe somebody--or something--through exaggerated comparison.
||1 H |
||A RECYCLED IDEA THAT WAS NONE TOO GOOD TO BEGIN WITH
||Alter a well-known phrase or name by deleting, adding or changing only one letter, and then supply a definition for what results.
||REDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM
||Come up with an easy way to reduce the federal deficit, in 20 words or fewer.
||2 H L ||
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]