PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR DAVID K. RONKA
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, firstname.lastname@example.org.
Key to Ink Types:
- W: Win, whether of the regular contest or the auxiliary contests.
- 3: 3rd Runner-Up.
- 5: 5th Runner-Up; rarely seen now, last awarded to Nan Reiner in Week 1152.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
- L: "And Last".
||Come up with unwise things to say in any of the provided circumstances.
||Life Is Snort
||Write a schmaltzy last line of a "Life Is Short."
||A STINKING PILE OF THESES
||Write an all-purpose first line or paragraph for any doctoral dissertation, designed to impress the heck out of academics.
||You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions?
||THE JOKE'S ON YOU
||Complete any of the provided jokes as it would be told by someone famous, living or dead.
||MAKE MY DAY
||Supply advice to today's spoiled kids about how bad things were when we were growing up.
||CAN IT GET MUCH VERSE?
||Create Very Bad Poetry, containing banalities masquerading as profundities, overstretched metaphors, etc. Special attention should be paid to dreadful syntax and painful rhyme
||THE ELEMENTS OF STYLE
||Come up with a new element and its symbol, and provide a brief description of its chemical or physical properties.
||WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?
||Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items.
||Answer any of the provided questions unwisely.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]