PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR JON REISER

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1284 Same difference Explain how any two of the items in the provided list are similar, different or otherwise linked. H
1092 Are we having funds yet? Suggest a humorous fundraising "challenge" for any organization. H
990 Indecent relations Pair two people, real or fictional, who have the same last name; say how they're alike or different, or something they might do (even in fantasy), as a pair. H H
981 Feeling testy Write a question that "ought to" be on a qualifying test for a particular job. H
980 Def jam Supply a humorous definition for any of the provided Loser-penned neologisms. 3 H
890 Double-teaming Combine the names of any two pro sports teams -- even from different sports -- and describe the result. I
814 There Will Be Bloodline Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name their foal. H
810 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the more than 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H H
805 Brand Eccchs Give us an original name in any of the above categories (not an actual badly named product). H
754 Canny Similarities Cite a humorous "uncanny similarity" between any two of the very different people listed above. H
749 Opus 266, No. 3 Take any common word or two-word term beginning with any letter from A through H and give it a new definition. H
741 Well, What Do You Know? Tell us what Major Life Lessons can be derived from any of these venues or situations. H
736 So, Should I Drive Like Your Brother? Ask a car-related question that would make the Car Guys crack up. If you're not into cars, you can also post a question for advice columnist Ask Amy or etiquette columnist Miss Manners. H
733 Just Drop It, Okay? Drop the first letter from an actual word or term to make a new word or term, and define it. H
732 The Chain Gang Supply a chain of 25 names -- they may be names of people, places, organizations, products, etc., but they must be names -- beginning and ending with "George W. Bush." H
722 Let's Play Nopardy! We supply 12 phrases and you get to provide questions they might answer. The phrases were entries in our Week 717 contest, which asked for Googlenopes -- phrases that showed no previous hits from the Google search engine. M
720 The Course of Humor Events Sum up a historical event in a two-line rhyme or other clever and pithy epigram. H
712 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in the results of Week 708, and name THEIR foal. H H
700 Stump Us Come up with someone's slogan for the 2008 presidential campaign. H
698 Let's Get Personnel Send us some humorously creative questions that a job interviewer would ask an applicant, or some questions it might be fun to ask the interviewer. H
697 We Beg You To Differ Take any two items from the truly random provided list and explain why they are different or why they are similar. H
672 Just Sign This Write a funny message for an overhead highway sign. H
660 Foaling Down: The Next Generation Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. H H
656 It's Post Time Breed any two from a list of 100 of the more than 400 3-year-old racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their hypothetical foal. The foal's name cannot exceed 18 characters and spaces combined. H
653 It's the Eponymy, Stupid Coin a word or expression based on the name of a well-known person, define it, and perhaps use it in a sentence H H
643 The Post's Mortems Give us a rhyming poem about some notable who died in 2005. H
610 MASH Find two well-known movies, plays, or TV shows whose title have a significant word in common, combine their titles, and describe the hybrid. H
608 Comeback Next Week Come up with original snide retorts to various rude questions or comments. H
605 Truly Stupendous Ideas Name two people with the same initials (the people can be living or dead, real or fictional) and explain how they are similar or different. H
604 Fun for the Roses Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. The name of the foal must be no more than 18 characters, including spaces. 2
602 Take a Letter -- Again Take a word, term or name that begins with A, B, C or D; either add on letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. H
601 Anticdotes Give us an untrue anecdote in response to one of the provided Editor's Query topics. H
599 So What's the News? Tell us what the illustrated events are. H
597 Eccchsibits Come up with some alternative museums and exhibits for the nation's capital. H
595 Listing Precariously Take the two subject listings at the top of any page of the Yellow Pages and create a dictionary definition for the compound word they form. H
594 History Loves Company Name an appropriate corporate sponsor for some historical event or for someone's life story. 2
589 Hyphen the Terrible (New Edition!) Combine the beginning of any multi-syllabic word in this week's Invitational with the end of any other multi-syllabic word in this column (or in this week's Web supplement) to coin a new word, and then define it. H
587 The B-List Come up with an In-Out list for 2005, or other pairings. H
580 United Nations Combine the names of any two countries in the world and describe the new hybrid country. H
578 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions. H
576 Well, Excuuuuse Us! Come up with new excuses for any common human shortcoming or imperfection. H
575 T Hee Hee Come up with new ideas for both front and back of the Loser T-shirts. H
574 Boor Us Silly Come up with some unwise attempts at humor--one either likely to backfire or to create other unpleasant consequences. T
573 Thine Ad Goest Here Propose biblical and other literary passage, poems, etc., that could benefit from product placement. H
572 The Limerixicon Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ai- through ar-. H H
570 Timeline Rhyme Lines Produce colorful chronological couplets about some historical event. They must rhyme and be in good meter. H H H
568 Tome Deftness Make a pun or similar wordplay on a book title. H H
567 A Running Gag Explain how any of the provided bizarre cartoons by Bob Staake relates to the current presidential campaign. 2
566 Get Whack Type a two-word phrase into the Google search engine that produces exactly one result. I
564 Redefine Print Redefine any word from the dictionary. 3
563 Take Two Take any two of the provided items and explain how they resemble or differ from each other. H H
562 The LMNs of Style Write a funny sentence (or more) that you spell with only the sounds of the names of letters and those of numbers 1 through 9. 2
561 Deform of a Question Take any sentence appearing in The Washington Post or washingtonpost.com today through June 14, and make up a question to which the sentence could be an answer. H H
560 The 97.5-Meter Dash Suggest some time- and cost-saving measures so the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens will open on time. H
559 Your Slogan Here Come up with a clever slogan or sign for a business. H
557 Oh, for Namesakes! Take two people, real or fictional, who share some element of their names and explain the difference between them. H
556 So Zoo Us Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it. H
553 Picture This Tell us what's going on in on or more of the provided cartoons. 3
552 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H H
549 Show Us Your Best Quantities Come up with novel units of measure, and explain or quantify them. H H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]