PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR PHYLLIS REINHARD

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1453 Haven't read it -- mis-subtitle a book Choose any book title listed on Amazon and misinterpret it by adding a subtitle. H
1450 Putting the 'anoid' in humanoid Humorously describe some aspect of our current society as a space alien and/or future anthropologist might interpret it. H
1222 Foaling around "Breed" any two of the provided racehorses nominated for this year's Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont; and name the foal to reflect both of them. H
1190 You're workin' on a chain, gang Create a chain of no more than 15 proper nouns — names of people (real or fictional), products, places, etc. — including one title of a work — in which each name relates somehow to the previous one. H
1117 You got another sing coming Write a song about a topic or person lately in the news, set to a familiar tune. H
1111 When you riff upon a store Use a wordplay on a song title as a name or slogan for a real or imagined business. H
1108 Hearts of dorkness Write a humorous Valentine's Day sentiment to someone (or to some organization), either real or fictional -- either from you or from someone else you name. Plus an all-new option: We'll also be willing to run at least one really funny, clever, well-executed graphic. H
1080 McGonagall with the windiness Memorialize a modern "tragedy" in a poem burdened with hilariously overwrought verse; lame, forced rhymes; and painfully uneven meter. Get the badness across in one verse of no more than eight lines. H
1038 It's like this, see Answer a simple question with a ridiculously argued answer citing various connections and parallels. H
1026 'Might' makes ink Give us a joke using any of the using any of the provided "you might be" templates. H
1018 Reologisms Write a clever, funny definition for any of the Loser-concocted neologisms from Week 1014 as well as from Week 1000 that deserve better definitions than their creators offered at the time. H
1008 Switched reels Re-arrange all the words in the title of a movie, and describe the resulting work. P
1007 Clue us in Come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the provided grid. H
1003 Just do it Use a well-known advertising slogan for a different company, organization or product to humorous effect. H
999 Drectrospective Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 946 through Week 995, except for Week 948. H
982 The parody line Set your own, humorous words to the tune of a well-known song--except that you must preserve one of the original lines. H
980 Def jam Supply a humorous definition for any of the provided Loser-penned neologisms. H
977 Lost in Translation 2.0 Translate a line of text from English into another language using Google Translate; then copy that result and translate it back into English. You may also make intermediate steps into one or more other languages. H
974 Eat our dust! Write a limerick humorously describing a book, play, movie, or TV show. H
969 Colt following Breed any two "foals" in today's results, and name the grandfoal. H
965 Foaling around Breed any two of the horses in this year's Triple Crown races and name their foal. H
963 The overlap dance Send us a Before & After "person" whose name combines two people's names, real or fictional (okay, you can use animals' names, too), and describe the person in a funny way. H
955 Twits' twist Create a phrase by combining a word or phrase with an anagram of that word or phrase, and define or describe it. H
948 Look back in Inker Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 891 through 945 (except for Week 896, which was the same contest for the previous year). H
934 Same difference Explain how any two items in the provided list are similar or different. H
929 Now sit right back ... Write a funny song introducing a TV show, past or present. H
927 Drive-By Shoutings Write a very short four-line “poem” promoting a product or company, or offering advice to drivers; the poem must rhyme, in ABAB or ABCB rhyme scheme. A fifth, non-rhyming line may state the product name or a conclusion. 3
899 Clue us in Send us funny, clever clues for any of the words already in this grid. H
876 Oilies but goodies Write lyrics somehow related to the oil spill, set to an existing tune. H
869 Clue us in Send us funny, clever clues for any of the words already in this grid. H
843 Prefrains Provide a sentence or two of lead-in to the first line of a well-known book, poem, or song. H
816 Googillions Come up with an original phrase that generates at least 1 million listings on a Google search. H
810 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the more than 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H
807 Pretty Graphic Expressions Express some insight as an equation or other mathematical expression. W
801 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. You supply one or more of the questions. H H
798 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem commemorating someone who died in 2008. H
783 The Shill Game Name a celebrity or fictional character to endorse a real product or company. 2
780 Location, Location, Location Say how you know you're in a particular place. H
763 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. H
749 Opus 266, No. 3 Take any common word or two-word term beginning with any letter from A through H and give it a new definition. H H H H H H
742 Clue Us In Give us a whole new set of clues to a crossword puzzle penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H
737 No River, No Woods Send us a funny parody of a well-known song, with lyrics that commemorate an occasion other than Christmas or Hanukkah. H
735 Look Back in Inker Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 680 through Week 731. H
733 Just Drop It, Okay? Drop the first letter from an actual word or term to make a new word or term, and define it. H
732 The Chain Gang Supply a chain of 25 names -- they may be names of people, places, organizations, products, etc., but they must be names -- beginning and ending with "George W. Bush." H
723 Name Your Poison Create a name and recipe for a cocktail and, if you like, describe when it might be served. I
719 We Har the World Come up with a creative name for a sports team for a town or city anywhere outside the United States. H
713 Painings Name and interpret any of the provided paintings by Fred Dawson. H
712 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in the results of Week 708, and name THEIR foal. H
705 Simile Outrageous Come up with funny analogies, perhaps with some 21st-century references. H
704 Another Game of Tag Create vanity plates for well-known people, real or fictional. W
695 Dead Letters Write a poem about someone who died in 2006. H
691 Haven't Got a Clue Make all the clues in the provided crossword ooh-clever or at least ah-that's-funny, even the little words. H
681 Ticket to Write Write a jingle for a business (or its product), organization or government agency, set to a Beatles song. T
676 Tour de Fours III Coin and define a word containing -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters L, E, A and F. 3
665 Your One-in-a-Million Coin the millionth word in the English language and define it. The word must end in -ion. H
664 A Thousand Times?! No! Come up with a new signature line for Russell Beland's -- or anyone else's -- e-mails. H
660 Foaling Down: The Next Generation Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. H H H
659 Tell Us a Fib Compose a six-line poem with the following number of syllables per line: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8. It must be about a person or topic currently in the news, and two successive lines must rhyme. H
648 Caller IDiot Name a product or company and supply a stupid question to ask the consumer hotline person. H
647 Paste Imperfect Change a headline or sentence that appears in the Post or on washingtonpost.com through Feb. 6 either by deleting up to 40 consecutive characters from it or by adding 40 consecutive characters from the same article or ad. H
645 A Hearty Har Har Write up a Valentine's sentiment to any personage, or to someone in some generic category. H
641 Dreck of All Trades Come up with a business that combines two or more disparate products or services, and tell us its name and/or something else funny about it. H
630 Hyphen the Terrible Combine the beginning and end of any two multisyllabic words in this week's Invitational, and then define the compound. 2 H
626 Course Light Come up with a comical college class, along with a description for the course catalog. H
625 Haven't Seen It Make up a new plot for an existing movie title. 3
611 Ask Backwards, Erudite Edition You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the sophisticated answers. You supply the questions. H
605 Truly Stupendous Ideas Name two people with the same initials (the people can be living or dead, real or fictional) and explain how they are similar or different. T
588 Gadget If You Can Tell us what these nifty, indispensable items are. H H
577 Teledubbies Slightly change the title of a TV show, past or present, and describe it. I
571 A Tour de Fours Create and define a word that includes T, H, E, and S in any order. The letters must appear consecutively. H H
566 Get Whack Type a two-word phrase into the Google search engine that produces exactly one result. H
556 So Zoo Us Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it. H H
549 Show Us Your Best Quantities Come up with novel units of measure, and explain or quantify them. T
546 A Nice Pair of Cities Choose any two or more real U.S. towns and come up with a joint endeavor they would undertake. T
544 You Gotta Have Heart Write us some valentine sentiments from one particular person (real or fictional) to another. H
539 Dead Letters Pay tribute in verse to someone who died in 2003. H H
528 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
517 Insert Joke Here Slip a single bogus sentence into next year's State of the Union address, figuring the Prez will probably just read it right off the teleprompter. T
504 Life Is Snort Write a schmaltzy last line of a "Life Is Short." T
495 Words of One Syl- … Um, Just Short Words Take some complex issue of any sort and explain it to all us morons entirely in words of one syllable. 2
483 Obitter Fate Give us an obit headline for some famous person, currently living or dead. H
470 Czar Har Take the name of someone famous, rhyme it with a product, and describe the unholy union. H
465 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any word or word combination in today's Post that is broken by a hyphen at the end of a line, and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word from the same story, and define the new word that is formed. H H
463 Retell Sales Give us the beginning of any well-known story as retold by any famous person, living or dead, except for Ronald Reagan. H
459 Stock Humor Look at any of the abbreviated company names in the Nasdaq or New York Stock Exchange listings in any newspaper's business section and suggest what business the companies might be in. H H
443 Sick Humor Come up with modern diseases of Washington life. H H
412 Painful Climaxes Come up with statements that start really dramatically, but leave you sorta flat at the end. T
410 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
409 Nice Job, if You Get It Take anything that might need its image enhanced and rename it in a way the keeps its essential identity, but makes it seem nicer. T
406 Bum Steerage Offer some spectacularly bad advice to any of the provided people. H H H
403 Cry, Uncle! Write the beginnings of an obituary that will provide the details of what happened to the Style Invitational Uncle. T
399 IT PAYS TO BE GENDEROUS Write a short film description that could persuade a woman that the guy movie he wants to see is really close to being a gal movie, or vice versa. H
397 Sins of Omission Omit a letter or letters from a real-life sign to create a name for a new business, comically different from the original. Describe the new business or include a slogan that explains it. H H
396 April Foals Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. H H
395 Devilishly Clever Describe someone's special little corner of Hell. 1 H
394 Life in the Blurbs Come up with a blurb used to sell a real or imagined book or movie that would be likely to have the opposite of the intended effect. 3
393 Things Could Be Verse Take any story in today's Washington Post and rewrite it into a rhyming poem of no more than eight lines. H
389 Operation Overkill Present a solution to a problem that goes just a little too far. H H
388 Pitches in the Dirt Come up with a sales pitch to get any surplus product off the shelves. H H
386 The Game of Clue What are some clues that someone might be any of the provided characterizations? H
381 Idiom Savant Take any well-known idiom, or expression, and invent an interesting derivation for it. 2 H
374 Bill Us Later Take a well-known expression and update it for the new millennium. H
373 An Extra Large Challenge What should we put on the back of the new Style Invitational T-shirt? H
368 Hyphen the Terrible Combine the first half of any hyphenated word in a story in today's paper with the second part of a different hyphenated word from the same story, and provide a new definition. H H
363 It's Your Movie Take the title of any movie and make it the answer to a riddle. H
341 What's In a Name? Write something about any famous person that uses only the letters in his or her name. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]