PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR DAVID PREVAR

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1284 Same difference Explain how any two of the items in the provided list are similar, different or otherwise linked. H
1283 Put it in Bee-verse Write a humorous poem of eight lines or fewer that includes one of the provided words, all from the 2018 National Spelling Bee. P
1279 Just do it -- the 'real' way List some "accurate" directions for using some product or completing some tak. P
1275 That is the question Choose a line from Shakespeare (or a significant part of a line) and pair it with a question that the line could humorously answer. 3 P
1273 Restocking the Cabinet Explain why a particular person -- or thing -- ought to fill a Cabinet post or other U.S. government position. T
1270 The Style Invitational turns 5 x 5 Write a witty poem, on any subject, in any of these forms:
A. Five lines of five syllables each
B. Five lines of five words each
C. Five lines of iambic pentameter
P
1266 The Tile Invitational V Create a five-, six-, or seven-letter word (or phrase) by scrambling the letters of any of the sets and define it. P
1262 Clue us in -- a backward crossword Supply one or more creative clues for the provided filled-in crossword grid -- as many as 25 clues in all. H L
1260 What lies (are) ahead for 2018 Jokingly predict some news event to happen in 2018. P
1259 Beat the banned with euphemisms Come up with creative euphemisms for the provided words, or for other words that might offend someone or other. P
1257 The year in redo, Part 1 Enter (or re-enter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1203 through Week 1229, except for Weeks 1205 and 1206. H
1256 Picture this -- a caption contest Provide a funny caption for any of the provided cartoons. H P
1254 Inkorporation--a change-one-letter contest Change the name of a present or past business, store or agency (not just a product) by adding one letter, deleting one letter, transposing two letters or substituting one letter for another. H H H
1253 Fashion x fiction: More fake trivia Tell us some totally bogus trivia about clothing or fashion. 4
1251 Thanking outside the box Tell us something to be thankful for. H
1248 C'mon, fess up! Send us a brief "confession" -- there will be categories for true and just-kidding. H H
1246 Questionable journalism Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in The Post or another publication, in print or online, dated Sept. 21-Oct. 2, and pair it with a question it might answer. P
1245 Call us reprehensible … Complain in a humorously missing-the-point way about something that has appeared in The Washington Post (in print or online) recently, or in another publication. 3 H
1244 Primed for product reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. 3 H
1239 MASH 3  Combine two movie titles and  describe the result. M P T
1237 Our alliteracy campaign Rewrite an existing headline from any  publication, print or online — about something in the  news from July 20 to 31, by using alliteration. H P
1235 The Sound of Science Write humorous lyrics on the subject of science or technology, set to a well-known tune. P
1232 Picture this -- a caption contest Write a caption for one or more of the provided cartoons. H H
1227 Celebrate ortho-diversity! Name and describe a new life form -- and no letter in the term may be used twice. H
1222 Foaling around "Breed" any two of the provided racehorses nominated for this year's Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont; and name the foal to reflect both of them. H
1218 Mess with our -- or anyone else's -- heads Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in the Post (print or online or another publication dated March 9-20) by writing a bankhead, or subtitle. P
1217 Mergers you wrote: Combine two businesses with puns Give a clever name for a combination of two or more businesses. H
1216 As the word turns Create a word or multi-word term that consists of adjacent letters -- in any direction or several directions -- in the provided grid, and provide a humorous definition. H
1213 Punku Write a haiku that incorporates a pun. H
1206 Do-over the do-over -- enter any of the year's contests Enter (or re-enter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1149 to 1202, except for Week 1152, last year's do-over. P
1204 Well, at least … Note some good news for the coming year to comfort -- or "comfort" -- those who are depressed about the change of presidential administration. L P
1202 Don't be afraid of the dark Write lyrics to a song that, in some way, express hope. P
1199 We want some bad choices Offer one or more funny Questions for Terrible People, as shown. P
1198 Give it to us straight Take any sentence from an article or ad in any publication dated Oct. 20 to Oct. 31 — or from an online article dated within that period — and translate it into “plain English,” H H P
1197 Picture This -- It's a Bob Staake caption contest Write a caption for any of the cartoons provided. H H H
1196 Hyphen the Terrible Combine either half of a hyphenated word or compound term with either half of another such term to create a new hyphenated term, and describe the result humorously. P
1192 Ask Backwards The 15 provided phrases above are the answers. You provide  the questions to as many as you’d like (up to 25 entries  total).  P
1191 Mess with our heads Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in The Post (print or online) and dated Sept. 1-12 by writing a bank head, or subtitle H
1185 The Rorschach of the crowd Interpret one of more of the provided genuine inkblots. You may look at them upside down or sideways. H M P
1180 Strip search! Find a line of text from any comic strip or panel that appears on the Post's comics pages or on washingtonpost.com/comics, dated anywhere between June 16 and June 27, and either (a) supply a question that the original line could answer, or (b) follow it with your own line of dialogue or reply. H P
1178 A ______ of collective nouns Propose one or more funny new names for groups of things. H
1175 Good luck with 13 Make up a word whose Scrabble letter values add up to exactly 13, and define it. P
1173 Tinker with the recipe Slightly change the name of a food or brand of food (or something else in the food industry) and describe it, or write a slogan, jingle, etc. H
1167 So what's to liken? Take any two items from the provided list and explain how they're similar or different, or connect the some other way. H
1166 Questionable journalism Take a sentence (or most of a sentence) that appears in text (not a headline) in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com dated March 10-21 and make up a question that the sentence could answer H
1164 'Wait Wait' for us Compose a multiple-choice question about a Ridiculous but True fact or event, with two entertaining wrong answers as well as the right one. One of the two wrong answers may be obviously untrue as long as it's funny. H
1158 What have we here? Tell us what one or more of these objects really are. P
1151 To [a glass], snarkly Write a short, snarky (but witty) note to one of the provided glassbowls. I
1149 Gestures of depreciation Suggest ways to celebrate National Love Your Lawyer Day -- or a made-up "holiday" celebrating some other profession. H
1141 Mess with our heads Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in the Post (print or online) Sept. 17-28 by writing a bankhead, or subtitle. P
1140 You're giving us a bad name Cite a REAL brand name, past or present, note it original use, and then say what sort of product, organization, etc., that name would be bad for. P
1139 A little sixty-four play Fashion an entry by selecting one element from each of the provided menu groups. Make sure you indicate the combination you chose (e.g., 2-C-iii). P
1138 Show us your touché Offer an elegantly snide (and original) of anyone living or dead. M
1137 Be a published author! Give us a spicy title for a boring book, real or imagined. H
1133 Are 'hew ready? A contest for clerihews A clerihew is a humorous four-line rhyming poem about a person whose name is mentioned in the first line; in fact, the name must be at the end of that line (or constitute the whole line) so that it has to rhyme with something. The rhyme structure (and we don't want "lazy" rhymes) is AABB: the first line rhymes with the second, the third with the fourth. T
1132 You and what army? Military fictoids Give us some comically bogus trivia about the military, past or present, ours or theirs. H
1131 One man's trash Suggest a humorous way to reuse one or more of the items listed above -- or anything else advertised on RepurposedMaterialsinc.com. W
1130 Yux Redux: Play on a foreign phrase Make a word play on a foreign phrase or term (or English phrase using foreign words) and describe it. H H
1126 Picture this Provide a humorous caption for any of the cartoons provided. P
1121 The an(n)als of civilization Briefly describe some "bad day in history" -- you may be creative in what you classify as such -- and sum it up with a humorous heading. M
1119 We want hue so bad Invent a name for a color and describe it. H P
1115 Our type o' headline Change a headline in an article or ad in the Washington Post and then add a "bank head" or subtitle. P
1114 Awww together now Write us a humorous headline -- from the past, present, or future -- that puts an optimistic perspective on some otherwise not-so-promising news. M
1111 When you riff upon a store Use a wordplay on a song title as a name or slogan for a real or imagined business. H H
1106 Show your resolve Suggest a New Year's resolution that someone might make 100 or more years in the future. H
1099 Questionable journalism Take a sentence (or most of a sentence) that appears in an article in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com dated Nov. 20 through Dec. 1 (in print, any article from those days' papers), and make up a question that the sentence could answer. H H
1098 Prime time for some Amazon reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. H
1096 Picture this Write a humorous caption for any of the provided Bob Staake cartoon. H
1092 Are we having funds yet? Suggest a humorous fundraising "challenge" for any organization. H
1088 Ask backwards with our answers, your questions Supply the questions to as many of the 16 supplies answers as you like. 4
1079 Little piddle riddle Ask a question and answer it with a rhyme. P
1063 Same difference Take any two items from the provided list and explain how they're similar or different. M
1060 Picture this Write a caption, or captions, for one or more of the provided cartoons. M
1052 Clue us in Come up with up to 25 creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms that appear in the provided grid. H H
1047 Bank shots Quote a headline appearing in The Washington Post, washingtonpost.com or another publication, print or online, dated Nov. 14 to Nov. 25, and supply a humorous "bank" headline that either misinterprets it or comments wryly on it. H
1044 Play it safe Come up with a comically safety-conscious rule for the workplace or elsewhere. H
1042 Tour de Fours X: Go SANE Create a new word or two-word term containing the letter block S-A-N-E -- in any order, but consecutively, and define it. H
1040 IRS my case Schedule A: Suggest a novel way for the government to determine taxes.

Schedule B: Suggest a deduction that you'd like to take, or that some real or fictional person or past or present might like to take.

Schedule C: Suggest a cause you'd rather check off $3 for.

P
1039 Shookespeare Combine any of the words in Hamlet's "To be, or not to be" soliloquy, in any order, to create a humorous sentence or longer passage. M
1035 The Empy 500 Explain what news Bob Staake is trying to tell in any of the provided drawings. H
1034 What's to like? Supply an original joke of the form "I like my [your choice] the way I like my [something else of your choice]: [some clever, funny parallel]." M P
1028 Joint Legiflation Combine the names of two or more of the First Congress senators and/or representatives to create "joint legislation". P
1027 Built for two Give humorous related names for any pair of features in a given building, organization, etc. M
1026 'Might' makes ink Give us a joke using any of the using any of the provided "you might be" templates. H P
1023 Hai there, Martians! Write one or more humorous haiku that will greet the Martians or share a little nugget of what life is like on Earth. H
1022 What's the diff? Explain how any two of the provided items are alike or different. H
1019 What a turnoff Tell us some creative things that children and families could do during Screen-Free Week. A
1012 The news at 5 Write a limerick about a recent news event. P
1011 Top these! Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back. H
1010 Picture this Write a caption for any of the five provided cartoons. H
1009 What's in a name? Write something about some person, real or fictional, using only the letters in the person's name. H
1007 Clue us in Come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the provided grid. H
1000 We now have 4 digits; you now have 7 letters Choose any word, name or two-word term beginning anywhere from T through Z; then add one letter, drop one letter, substitute one letter for another, or transpose two adjacent letters, and define the result. H
998 Set the law on us Suggest an odd law for a particular place in the world. H
996 A Life-Time opportunity Combine two magazines or journals and describe the result, supply a marketing pitch, or suggest a story or two that it might publish. H
995 Ask backwards We give you the "answers" and you supply jokes in the form of a question. H
992 Mittsterpiece Theatre Suppose public-TV shows, past or present, were turned out onto the open market to make a living on commercial TV. Tell us what would happen. P
981 Feeling testy Write a question that "ought to" be on a qualifying test for a particular job. P
968 Take us for grants Come up with a proposal to the National Science Foundation or other research-funding organization for a study based on a stupid hypothesis. M
965 Foaling around Breed any two of the horses in this year's Triple Crown races and name their foal. H
963 The overlap dance Send us a Before & After "person" who name combines two people's names, real or fictional (okay, you can use animals' names, too), and describe the person in a funny way. M
962 Questionable journalism Take any sentence (or a major part of it) that appears in the Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com anytime from now through March 19 and supply a question it could answer. 2 H
961 The end of our rhops Write a funny passage or headline whose words all have the same number of letters. P
955 Twits' twist Create a phrase by combining a word or phrase with an anagram of that word or phrase, and define or describe it. L
953 Clue us in Come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the crossword puzzle that's already run in The Post. H H
952 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem about someone who died in 2011. T
950 Of all the nerve! Give us a humorous example of hypothetical chutzpah. P
949 Putting the SAT in satire Give us an analogy using "a is to b as x is to y." H
948 Look back in Inker Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 891 through 94 (except for Week 896, which was the same contest for the previous year). W
941 They don't say! Give us a quote that a particular person, present or past, real or fictional, sooo wouldn't have said. P
940 Our type o' headline Change a headline by one letter, or switch two letters, or change spacing or punctuation, in a headline (or most of a headline) appearing on an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Oct. 7 through Oct. 17, and elaborate on it in a "bank" headline (subhead). H
936 Hoho contendere Slightly alter a well-known foreign-language term and define it. H
935 The 400 blows Write a humorous poem--choose your form--about the Virginia earthquake, Hurricane Irene or another well-known natural event. H
917 Wryku Write a haiku--a sentiment that can be broken into three lines with exactly five syllables in the first lien, seven in the second, five in the third--on any subject that's been in the news in the last couple of weeks. H
916 Bank shots Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from April 22 through May and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. 4 H
913 Bring up the rear Move the last letter of an existing word or name to the front of the word, and define the new term. L T
910 Your ad here Slightly alter an advertising slogan so that someone else could use it. H
909 Reprizing Suggest humorous uses for one or more of the items above, alone or in combination. H
902 What's the good news? Take any sentence, or substantive part of a sentence, or a headline from an article or ad in The Washington Post or washingtonpost.com from Jan. 7 to Jan. 18 and make it sound upbeat (or not so bad). H
901 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem about someone who died in 2010. P
899 Clue us in Send us funny, clever clues for any of the words already in this grid. H
897 Catch their drift Take any sentence from an article of ad in The Washington Post or washingtonpost.com from Dec. 3 to Dec. 13 and translate it into "plain English." 3
895 Picture this Supply a caption for any of these cartoons. H
892 Get a move on Change the location of something for humorous effect. Provide an explanation if you wish. H
889 Tour de Fours VII Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters P, O, L and E. M
887 Plus-Fours Write a limerick whose third or fourth line is one of those listed above. T
886 Look both ways Give us a new term that's a palindrome and define it. P
880 Our greatest hit Start with a real word or multi-word term or name that begins with Q, R or S; add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter with another, or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. P P
877 Quipped from the headlines Write a rhyming couplet about some matter in the news. T
867 Back in the saddle Breed any two of the foals in today's results -- OR one foal with one of the actual horses used in today's entries, and name the grandfoal. H
862 Be cheerful Send us a cheer or fight song for any pro sports team or any national team. P
857 All FED Up Create a brand-new word of phrase that contains a block of three successive letters in the alphabet -- but the series must go backward through the alphabet. H H
854 What's not to liken? Produce one or more similes in any of the following categories. H
853 It's easy as DEF Create a brand-new word of phrase that contains a block of three successive letters in the alphabet; the series must go forward in the alphabet, not backward. H
849 Homonymphomania Create a new homonym (or homophone) for any existing word and define it. H
845 Reologisms Write a description for any of 50 genuine Loser-created neologisms. 2
840 Frittering away the neurons Give us some more colorfully useful phrases; they don't have to be in the X'ing-the-Y form. T
839 Overlap Dance Overlap two words that share two or more consecutive letters -- anywhere in the word, not just at the beginning or end -- into a single longer word, and define it. AND your portmanteau word must begin with a letter from A through D. H H
836 Other People's Business Describe what might happen if any of the above institutions (a) were run by an institution of your choice or (b) ran an institution of your choice. H
834 Fractured Compounds Combine two full words within any single article appearing in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com into a hyphenated compound word, and define or otherwise describe the result. 3 H
833 Our Greatest Hit Start with a real word or multi-word term or name that begins with M, N, O, or P; add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. T
829 Limerixicon 6 Supply a humorous limerick prominently featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters di-. P
826 The Inside Word Take any word -- this may include the name of a person or place -- put a portion of it in quotation marks, and redefine the word. T
822 For Real Folks Suggest some attractions for a Festival of Real American Folklife. H P
817 Flopflip Reverse the first half and second half of a word or name and define the result. H H
815 Wittecisms Create an original word containing -- in any order -- at least a W, and I, two T's and an E. H H
809 Unkindest Cutlines Supply cutlines, or captions, for any of these newspaper photos. M
806 DQ Very Much Give us a phrase or sentence that would nip a potential relationship in the bud (or elsewhere). T
804 Our Type o' Joke Change a headline by one letter, or switch two letters, in a headline (or most of a headline) appearing on an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com between Feb. 14 and 23, and elaborate on it in a "bank" headline (subhead) or a brief first sentence of an article that would run under it. H H
802 Dreck TV Suggest a new cable TV channel, with a description or example of its programming. H
801 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. You supply one or more of the questions. H
796 Sincerest Flattery Make up a pun on a familiar name of a real of fictional person and provide a fitting description or quote. H
793 Take The Fifth Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 725 through Week 789. Each entry must include the word "five" of "fifth" or something fiveish, or -- depending on your favorite anniversary tradition -- something involving (a) wood or (b) silverware. P
788 The Back End of a Bulwer Give us a comically terrible ending of a novel. H
785 The Ballad Box Write a short, humorous song somehow relating to the presidential campaign, set to a familiar tune. P
784 Words to The Wiseacres Give us some proverbs for 21st-century life. P
783 The Shill Game Name a celebrity or fictional character to endorse a real product or company. H
779 Gripe for the Picking Rant about any issue that wouldn't make your top 100 for airing in The Post. H
776 An Act of Sunny Side Note the silver lining in some otherwise disappointing turn of events. H
775 Ad-dition Combine the beginning and end of any two words appearing in any single advertisement in The Post or on washingtonpost.com, from today through Aug. 4, and then define the new word. H
773 Always Looking for Sects Coin a religion or belief system and tell us its basic tenet or distinguishing characteristic. H
771 Groaner's Manuals Come up with a humorous name for a guide or manual for, or a book about, a particular enterprise or organization. H
770 A Knack for Anachronism Take a famous historical moment, literary passage, or movie scene and place it in an entirely different age. 5 H H H
769 Splice Work If You Can Get It Combine two words -- overlapping by at least two letters -- into what's know by polysyllabic types as a portmanteau word, and by the rest of us as mash word, and define it. I
767 Questionable Journalism Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in the Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com from May 31 through June 9 and come up with a question it might answer. H
766 Think to Shudder Come up with scenarios that are even more awkward (and more imaginative) than the wincers mentioned above. W
765 It's Doo-Dah Day Write humorous lyrics commemorating any of the 50 states of the District, set to any of these Stephen Foster songs. I
764 Can You Up Chuck? Come up with entirely new and funny Chuck Norris Facts. H
761 Strip Mining Supply the text for any or all three of these Bob Staake comic strips. I
757 Gorey Thoughts From A to Z Send us some rhyming alphabet-primer couplets. M
756 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from March 15 through 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
753 Hot Off The Riddle Supply a simple riddle and both the wholesome answer and the (printable) Invitational answer. M
752 The Might-Mates Right Fill out any of these five "you just might" joke-templates. H
751 Strike Gold Slightly change the name of an existing or former TV show to create a program that can scab the writers' strike. H P
750 Hit Us With Your Best Shot: Photo Contest No. 4 Illustrate, any way you like, any of the provided five captions with your own original photo. T
747 Boeing Us Silly Suggest some comical ways to improve air travel, either in general or for yourself. H T
745 Hurry Up and Slow Down! Suggest particular ways that would slow life down, or ways that would speed it up. H
744 You OED Us One Make up a humorous and false definition for any of the words listed below. H
743 Picture This Write a caption for any of these Bob Staake cartoons. T
742 Clue Us In Give us a whole new set of clues to a crossword puzzle penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H
741 Well, What Do You Know? Tell us what Major Life Lessons can be derived from any of these venues or situations. H
740 Give Us a Hint Offer clues in various situations that something isn't working out well. 3 M
739 Lies, All Lies Give us some humorous fictional revelation about a current or past political figure. 3 T
729 Otherwordly Visions Take any sentence in an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 1 through Sept. 10 and translate it into "plain English." M
725 Beggars For Description Describe, without being boring, a cartoon to fit any of the provided captions. H
724 Abridged Too Far Sum up a book, play or movie in a humorous rhyming verse of two to four lines. H
722 Let's Play Nopardy! We supply 12 phrases and you get to provide questions they might answer. The phrases were entries in our Week 717 contest, which asked for Googlenopes -- phrases that showed no previous hits from the Google search engine. H P T
721 Know Your Market For any of the provided photos, supply two captions: one that would appeal to The Style Invitational and one that would appear to the Harrisburg Patriot-News. H
718 Put Our Heads Together Create a new, funny headline from the words of any headlines appearing anywhere in a single day's Washington Post (or on washingtonpost.com) H H H H H
712 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in the results of Week 708, and name THEIR foal. 2
711 Join Now! Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the April 29 or May 6 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound. H
710 Aw, Shoot Send us a funny, clever, entirely original photo featuring kitchen utensils and/or small household tools. T
708 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two from a list of 100 of the horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H H
706 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com from March 24 through April 2 and come up with a question it could answer. H
704 Another Game of Tag Create vanity plates for well-known people, real or fictional. H H H
703 Freak Trade Agreements Think of one thing to trade for another, and supply a short and funny explanation. T
701 Untitlement Here are the covers for what just might be Bob Staake's next four books. What are they called and what are they about? H
697 We Beg You To Differ Take any two items from the truly random provided list and explain why they are different or why they are similar. M
696 Send Us the Bill Come up legislation the newly-elected members of Congress might sponsor together. M
694 Hopelessly Ever After Offer up a gloomy interpretation of any ungloomy piece of writing. M T
692 Reinkernation Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 640 through Week 688. Every entry must include the word "three" or "third" or a creative variation. M
690 Funnies: How Time Flies Pull Billy of "The Family Circus" -- or any of his comic strip neighbors in The Washington Post -- out of his time warp to a different age, era or place, and provide a short storyline or dialogue or caption. T
687 What Were They Thinking? Tell us (A) What someone might say in some situation, and (B) what that person was actually thinking when he said A. H P
686 It's Baaaaack! Explain why you, or anyone else in particular, ought to have this fine oil-on-panel by Fred Dawson of Beltsville, or what it might be used for. H
685 Thank it Over Tell us some things to be thankful for. H
684 Backtricking Spell a word backward and define the result, somehow relating the definition to the original word. H M
683 What a Piece of Work String together words in a single scene, or two consecutive scenes, of "Hamlet" to produce on or more funny sentences, preferably unrelated to the original content. The words must appear in the order in which they appear in the play. H
680 Rendered Speechless Provide dialogue to fill the balloons in any of these cartoons. H
675 Cut Us Some Slack Come up with humorous ways to be lazy. H M P
671 Join Now! Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the July 16 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound. H
665 Your One-in-a-Million Coin the millionth words in the English language and define it. The word must end in -ion. H
663 Worth at Least a Dozen Words Interpret any of the provided cartoons as you see fit in a caption. H
662 How Low Will You Go? Humiliate yourself for ink, and a stupid prize. H
660 Foaling Down: The Next Generation Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. P
658 Not in the Cards Send us ideas for cards that would likely be ruled "FBN" (Funny, But No) by Hallmark but F&YYY by the Empress. P
654 It Plays to Recycle Come up with funny ways to recycle things, people, writing (except for your old Invitational entries) or ideas. W
653 It's the Eponymy, Stupid Coin a word or expression based on the name of a well-known person, define it, and perhaps use it in a sentence H
650 King Us Give us a scenario for a horror novel based on an anyday item. H
647 Paste Imperfect Change a headline or sentence that appears in the Post or on washingtonpost.com through Feb. 6 either by deleting up to 40 consecutive characters from it or by adding 40 consecutive characters from the same article or ad. H
646 Warped Perspectives Tell us how two different types of people, animals, organizations, etc., would interpret any of the provided cartoons. 2
645 A Hearty Har Har Write up a Valentine's sentiment to any personage, or to someone in some generic category. H
644 Winter Limp Picks Brighten up the Winter Olympics with some new events and rule. Alternatively, you can suggest a commercial or ad campaign that could be tied in with the Winter Games or one of its sports. 1 H
641 Dreck of All Trades Come up with a business that combines two or more disparate products or services, and tell us its name and/or something else funny about it. H
639 What's the Small Idea? Do you have a senseless idea for improving the day-to-day lives of everyday Americans? H P
638 The Little Bummer Boy Come up with an idea (and title, if you like) for an original Christmas movie or TV special that provides an antidote to all the sap, and give us a brief synopsis. H
634 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from today through next Sunday, and change its meaning by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it. H
625 Haven't Seen It Make up a new plot for an existing movie title. H
623 Try to Remember Give us an original mnemonic for any list that someone might want to remember. H P
622 Our Sunday Constitutional Write an new article or amendment to the Constitution, using on the words contained in the existing document (including amendments). H H
621 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article in washingtonpost.com anytime through Aug. 8 and supply a question it could answer. H
620 Keep the Empress Employed Suggest some original, creative ways that The Post could increase its circulation. H H
613 Tour de Fours II Create and define a word that includes, consecutively, E, R, A and N. in any order. H
610 MASH Find two well-known movies, plays, or TV shows whose title have a significant word in common, combine their titles, and describe the hybrid. H
606 The News Could be Verse Translate the fine prose of Washington Post articles into verse. Choose any article appearing in The Post of on its Web site from April 17 through April 25. H
605 Truly Stupendous Ideas Name two people with the same initials (the people can be living or dead, real or fictional) and explain how they are similar or different. H
604 Fun for the Roses Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. The name of the foal must be no more than 18 characters, including spaces. H H H
603 Sui Genesis Take one of two of the 50 chapters of the KJV Book of Genesis and draw thou from them, using words in the order in which they appear in the original, your own passage. H
599 So What's the News? Tell us what the illustrated events are. H
598 Site Gags Come up with an appropriate name for a cafeteria--or meeting room, or an employee lounge, or some other workplace spot--for a particular institution. H H H
596 Take Her Words for It Use the words of this week's Ask Amy advice column, as a pool from which to compose your own useful (or useless) thoughts. You may ignore or change capitalization or punctuation. H
595 Listing Precariously Take the two subject listings at the top of any page of the Yellow Pages and create a dictionary definition for the compound word they form. H
592 We Got Gamy Offer us a concise idea for a Super Bowl commercial, or some innovative halftime entertainment, or some inappropriate sponsors, or some ideas for improving the game itself. H
589 Hyphen the Terrible (New Edition!) Combine the beginning of any multi-syllabic word in this week's Invitational with the end of any other multi-syllabic word in this column (or in this week's Web supplement) to coin a new word, and then define it. 3 H
586 God's Will (and Won't) Complete either of the following: "If God hadn't wanted is to ----, God wouldn’t have ----"; "If God had wanted us to ----, God would have ----." H
585 It's Parody Time Offer, in the holiday spirit of goodwill, some advice--as constructive and unifying as Loserly suggestions always are--to our nation's leaders (or the loyal opposition) as we prepare for the next four years. This advice will be set to the tune of some winter holiday song, either religious or secular. H
584 Deliver Us a Post Come up with some new Cabinet or other positions that the president could establish, and describe the job responsibilities. H H
581 Evil Things in Store Think of evil or just plain stupid practices that the staff of a retail or other establishment might perpetrate. H I
578 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions. H
573 Thine Ad Goest Here Propose biblical and other literary passage, poems, etc., that could benefit from product placement. H
571 A Tour de Fours Create and define a word that includes T, H, E, and S in any order. The letters must appear consecutively. 1 H
570 Timeline Rhyme Lines Produce colorful chronological couplets about some historical event. They must rhyme and be in good meter. H H
568 Tome Deftness Make a pun or similar wordplay on a book title. H
565 Anthem Is as Anthem Does Give us a verse for an alternative U.S. national anthem, set to any well-known tune. H H
564 Redefine Print Redefine any word from the dictionary. H H
562 The LMNs of Style Write a funny sentence (or more) that you spell with only the sounds of the names of letters and those of numbers 1 through 9. H
559 Your Slogan Here Come up with a clever slogan or sign for a business. H H H
556 So Zoo Us Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it. H
553 Picture This Tell us what's going on in on or more of the provided cartoons. H
537 The New York Post Liven up any article appearing in The Washington Post or its Web site over the next eight days by giving it an irresponsibly sensationalistic headline. H
339 Campaignful Developments Come up with signs that a presidential campaign might be in trouble. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]