PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR GREG PEARSON
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, firstname.lastname@example.org.
Key to Ink Types:
- W: Win, whether of the regular contest or the auxiliary contests.
- 3: 3rd Runner-Up.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
||Provided are 15 answers, separated by asterisks. You supply the questions.
||H H |
||Breed any two of the horses in this year's Triple Crown races and name their foal.
||H H |
||Can You Up Chuck?
||Come up with entirely new and funny Chuck Norris Facts.
||It's Post Time
||Breed any two from a list of 100 of the more than 400 3-year-old racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their hypothetical foal. The foal's name cannot exceed 18 characters and spaces combined.
||Write some jokes you'd like to hear in an airport announcement.
||Give us some funny "corrections" to brighten up Page A2.
||Truly Stupendous Ideas
||Name two people with the same initials (the people can be living or dead, real or fictional) and explain how they are similar or different.
||Take This, Job, and …
||Come up with some entertainingly awful things that a Job's comforter might offer. A Job's comforter is someone who seems to be offering sympathy but instead just makes the person feel worse, either intentionally or unintentionally.
||Give Eric Murphy advice he deserves on the provided questions.
||So Zoo Us
||Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it.
||And the Horse He Rodin On
||Come up with some words we can stick in the back of The Inker.
||H H |
||Mate the clones of any two famous real people, living or dead--a male and a female, please--and hypothesize what traits or skills their offspring might have.
||What Kind of Foal Am I?
||Mate any two of the horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown and tell us the name of their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces.
||H H |
||Give us an obit headline for some famous person, currently living or dead.
||Look at any of the abbreviated company names in the Nasdaq or New York Stock Exchange listings in any newspaper's business section and suggest what business the companies might be in.
||H H |
||A Bad-Ask Contest
||You are still on Jeopardy!, and you still have to supply questions to the provided answers, but the winners will be the least funny answers.
||Come up with lessons learned from (1) the movies, (2) popular songs, (3) romance novels or (4) the comics page.
||No Rest for the Query
||Complete the provided rhetorical question by filling in the blanks. It must be a put-down.
||H H |
||Come up with one or more items from an underachiever's list of midlife resolutions.
||Show Us Up
||Combine the names of two existing TV shows (past or present) to make an entirely new show. Then, describe the show.
||WHO WANTS TO WIN A TOILET?
||Propose even greater depths of shameless, tasteless sleaze to which Fox TV is likely to sink after the noisome debacle of "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?"
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]