PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR JERRY PANNULLO

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
594 History Loves Company Name an appropriate corporate sponsor for some historical event or for someone's life story. H
567 A Running Gag Explain how any of the provided bizarre cartoons by Bob Staake relates to the current presidential campaign. 4
564 Redefine Print Redefine any word from the dictionary. H
563 Take Two Take any two of the provided items and explain how they resemble or differ from each other. H
557 Oh, for Namesakes! Take two people, real or fictional, who share some element of their names and explain the difference between them. H
555 A Tsk, A Task Come up with a super-wholesome passage of 25 words or fewer that would likely be banned by the admirable, ever-vigilant Neopets.com site. H
499 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown and tell us the name of their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H
477 A Load of Bulwer Give us the beginning of incompetently written novel. H
459 Stock Humor Look at any of the abbreviated company names in the Nasdaq or New York Stock Exchange listings in any newspaper's business section and suggest what business the companies might be in. H
457 Letter Rip Give us the beginning of a letter to the editor that is certain never to see print. H
410 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? 1
396 April Foals Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. H
386 The Game of Clue What are some clues that someone might be any of the provided characterizations? H
382 Pickup Schticks Write inept pickup lines, by either sex, to either sex. H
366 Just Fulghum Come up with a list of at least three Major Life Lessons one can learn from any of the venues provided. H H
358 Finish the Fire Finish "We Didn't Start the Fire," to summarize 1990 to the present. H
351 Dubya Fun Take any well-known statement, expression, slogan, etc., and rewrite it the way Dubya might have said it. H
344 What Kind of Foal Am I? Envision the mating of any two of the 387 horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown, and propose a name for their foal. The foal's name must be contained in 18 or fewer letters and spaces. H
329 THE STYLE INVITATIONAL: HELL Take the name of a person or institution. Find within it a hidden message. You may add spacing and punctuation, but you may not move letters around. H
311 A JERRY-BUILT CONTEST Find cleverly disguised threats to public morality or hallowed American values that may be secretly lurking out there in our culture. 1
310 IT'S LIKE THIS Come up with really lame analogies. H H
302 UNSTATED TRUTHS Come up with lines that you'll never hear the provided people say. 3
290 THE WORLD THEORIES Codify some of life's more populist theories. H
284 ASK BACKWARDS MCLXVII You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
281 CALCULATE THE ODDS Tell us which of the two provided items does not belong with the other two, and why. H
271 YOGI BEARER Come up with new Yogi-isms, which seem to make sense, but collapse like a soufflé when you poke it a little H
266 DEFINITELY WEIRD Take any word from the dictionary and redefine it. H
261 WHAT IF YOU GIVE IT A TRY II Alter some crucial moment in history, and then tell us the likely outcome. H
258 IT'S A BIRD. IT'S A PAIN. Choose one or more of the provided super powers and tell us what you would do with it. H
240 ADDING INSULT Come up with elegant insults directed at any famous person, living or dead, such as the real encomiums above. H
229 WE CAN'T HEAR YOU Supply an example for any of the five "Things you don't want to hear" categories provided. H
228 MAKE MY DAY Supply advice to today's spoiled kids about how bad things were when we were growing up. H
225 WE RESPECTfully decline to publish any dumb entries by YOU. Come up with signs for a T-shirt or a bumper sticker that hide the real message in tiny type. 1
215 SON OF A PITCH Write lavish blurbs in 50 words or fewer so some sucker will want to pay a lot of money for the provided items. H W
214 ASK BACKWARDS IX You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? 1
209 WE NEED SOME SEASONING Come up with the first signs of spring in Washington. 2
207 TIED TO BE FIT Each of the eight provided items is related, in some fashion, to one or more of the provided individuals. You make the connections. H H
201 THE ELEMENTS OF STYLE Come up with a new element and its symbol, and provide a brief description of its chemical or physical properties. H
188 BLANKETY BLANKS Complete any of the above sentences, substituting your own phrases for the well-known omitted words. I
180 WHEN IN DOUBT, PUN Take any headline in today's Post and improve it by somehow turning it into a pun. H
178 DEEP THROATS Come up with Deep Thoughts, in the style of Jack Handey of "Saturday Night Live." A Deep Thought is a short, simple, seemingly inspirational observation that winds up being cynical, ironic, or just plain weird. H
162 MAY WE HAVE YOUR PRETENSION, PLEASE? Come up with the most pretentious original sentence possible. H
161 CAPITOL MISTAKES Come up with very, very bad advice for first-time visitors to Washington. H H
159 ODDBALLS Which item in each series does not belong? Explain your answer. H H
143 IT'S MY PARODY (& I'LL TRY IF I WANT TO) Rewrite any common jingle or theme song in the style of famous writer. H
139 EMPLOYMENT LINES Come up with jobs that make even your crummy job seem good. H
136 NEW END IN SIGHT Come up with new endings to make literary classics more suitable for Hollywood in the 1990s. 1
135 JERRY-BUILT SOLUTIONS Come up with Seinfeld-isms: whiny, quirky musings on little questions of life. H
129 REMAKE US HAPPY Come up with alternative story lines to movie titles, new or old. H
125 ASK BACKWARD VI You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
121 IT'S NO USE Come up with useless products. H
119 MUZAK TO OUR EAR Come up with unfortunate Muzak songs to hear on the phone while on hold. You can use either a song title or a lyric. 1 H
114 THE JOKE'S ON YOU Come up with jokes to culminate in any of these six punch lines. W
112 POOP FICTION Come up with the opening lines of a book so bad it will compel you to stop reading immediately; maximum 50 words. L
111 ASK BACKWARDS V Here are the answers. What are the questions? H
109 SEND US YOUR MAIL PARTS We're looking for funny examples of pidgin English that try to say one thing, but actually say something quite different. H
99 WHAT'S WRONG WITH THESE PICTURES? What's wrong with these pictures? H
97 NEWTONIAN PHILOSOPHY Come up with more Newt Gingrich philosophy to explain the differences between men and women, Democrats and Republicans, dogs and cats, whatever needs explaining. H
95 HOW'S THAT AGAIN? Take any headline appearing anywhere in The Post this week and completely rewrite the first lines of the story to put a different, unintended spin on it. H
87 WEST EASY, ANN Come up with good things about West Virginia, in 50 words of fewer. H
86 EXCUSES, EXCUSES Come up with funny excuses for various malfeasances. 2 H
84 THE WASHINGTON IRVINGS Come up with creative names for the high school football teams of real towns in America. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]