PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR KEL NAGEL
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- 2: 2nd Runner-Up; this is second in esteem after the Win, and earns a Loser the crappy prize that used to go to the Winner.
- 4: 4th Runner-Up.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
- L: "And Last".
||The hex files: creative curses
||Come up with a creative curse.
||Thanking outside the box
||Tell us something to be thankful for.
||Four weeks from now, the Empress will have just placed her dainty imperial toe back on our glittering shores. Which means that for the first time since January 2002, almost 800 contests ago — back during the late reign of her predecessor, the Czar — the Invitational will skip two contests in a row.
||A so-so contest (How so-so is it?)
||Write a humorous exaggeration in the form "x is so y that …"
||Don't be afraid of the dark
||Write lyrics to a song that, in some way, express hope.
||Mess with our heads
||Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in The Post (print or online) and dated Sept. 1-12 by writing a bank head, or subtitle
||Tell us an original joke whose punchline can't be understood without knowledge -- not necessarily scientific -- that most of us don't have (which you'll supply with a concise explanation).
||Gaah! It's Limerixicon XII
||Supply a humorous, previously unpublished limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with "ga-".
||You and what army? Military fictoids
||Give us some comically bogus trivia about the military, past or present, ours or theirs.
||It's the stupidity, stupid
||Write us stupid questions that will make us laugh.
||What have you got to lose?
||Answer a question, real or rhetorical, that appears in a song.
||Give us a sentence or short dialogue that would be a lot funnier if a word in it were mistaken for a homophone of that word.
||Eat our dust!
||Write a limerick humorously describing a book, play, movie, or TV show.
||Write a joke with a punch line depending on knowledge so esoteric that it requires an asterisked explanation.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]