PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR CHARLIE MYERS
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, firstname.lastname@example.org.
Key to Ink Types:
- 1: 1st Runner-Up; rarely seen now, last awarded to Jon Dixon in Week 792.
- 2: 2nd Runner-Up; this is second in esteem after the Win, and earns a Loser the crappy prize that used to go to the Winner.
- 4: 4th Runner-Up.
- 7: 7th Runner-Up; awarded only 25 times, and all in the Czarist era. Last won by Steve Fahey in Week 499.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
- P: Prize donation.
||What Kind of Foal Am I?
||Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races this year and propose a name for their foal. No name may exceed 18 characters, including spaces.
||Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces.
||Spinning Out of Control
||Take a headline in today's Washington Post and create a subhead that spins the story in an opposite or unexpected direction.
||Tell us ways we can attract celebrity participation to this contest.
||What do these devices do?
||A LOVER'S SPAT
||Enter the contest that is run by the editor of your choice.
||H H |
||A BRAND NEW CONTEST
||Come up with celebrity-brand products.
||HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE
||Take any story in today's paper, find a word that breaks with a hyphen at the end of a line, and combine it with the second half of different hyphenated word in the same story. Then supply a definition for the new hybrid word.
||THE WORLD THEORIES
||Codify some of life's more populist theories.
||1 H |
||WHAT IF YOU GIVE IT A TRY II
||Alter some crucial moment in history, and then tell us the likely outcome.
||Complete the sentence "Wouldn't it be great if …"
||HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE
||Coin new words, and provide a definition, by combining the first half of a hyphenated word for any story in today's Post with the second half of another hyphenated word in the same story.
||CAN YOU BEAT THIS?
||Come up with headlines describing the defeat of one pro team by another.
||CHALK IT UP TO STUPIDITY
||Propose apologies for yourself in the style of Bart Simpson writing on his blackboard.
||DUMB AS THE POST
||Come up with even stupider crimes than those committed by Montgomery County's "gentleman burglars."
||ON SECOND THOUGHT
||Ideas that never got off the drawing board, for good reason.
||WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I?
||Take the list of all 1996 Triple Crown nominees, couple up any two of them, and propose an appropriate name for their hypothetical foal. The foal's name must fit in no more than 18 characters, including spaces.
||Explain the difference between any two of the above items.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]