PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR BILL MOULDEN
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, firstname.lastname@example.org.
Key to Ink Types:
- W: Win, whether of the regular contest or the auxiliary contests.
- 2: 2nd Runner-Up; this is second in esteem after the Win, and earns a Loser the crappy prize that used to go to the Winner.
- 6: 6th Runner-Up; rarely seen now, last awarded to Brendan Beary in Week 561.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
||Combine any two sports or nonathletic activities into a single sport or game.
||We Err The World
||Give us a motto or short slogan for any country in the world.
||We Get a C-Section
||Tell us some pros and cons of moving The Style Invitational to the Saturday Style section; or write us up some free promo-ad copying announcing the move.
||Haven't Got a Clue
||Make all the clues in the provided crossword ooh-clever or at least ah-that's-funny, even the little words.
||Worth at Least a Dozen Words
||Interpret any of the provided cartoons as you see fit in a caption.
||It Plays to Recycle
||Come up with funny ways to recycle things, people, writing (except for your old Invitational entries) or ideas.
||Tell us how two different types of people, animals, organizations, etc., would interpret any of the provided cartoons.
||Dreck of All Trades
||Come up with a business that combines two or more disparate products or services, and tell us its name and/or something else funny about it.
||Contest Fodder Created!
||Produce absurdly parochial views of historical events.
||Give us an untrue anecdote in response to one of the provided Editor's Query topics.
||Read Our Leaps
||Fill any readers of The Washington Post on Sunday, Feb. 29, 2032, on: (a) the day's lead news story; (b) the highest-flying company and its business; (c) the best-selling self-help book; and/or (d) the day's winning Style Invitational entry.
||Be a Real Card
||Come up with a greeting card rhyme for an un-greeting-card occasion.
||A Word From Our Co-Sponsors
||Come up with bills the new members of Congress might sponsor. Each bill must have at least two sponsors.
||Blues It or Lose It
||Write the first verse of a blues song expressing some Washington area woe.
||Describe someone's special little corner of Hell.
||A LOVER'S SPAT
||Enter the contest that is run by the editor of your choice.
||A SIN OF THE TIMES
||Submit campaign or other political practices that would be illegal and/or unethical.
||ASK BACKWARDS VIII
||You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions?
||LIST BUT NOT LEAST
||Come up with Top-10-style lists for any of the above four subjects.
||THE UNKINDEST CUTE OF ALL
||Come up with a new story line for "Peanuts", some plot development or new character that will put the strip back on the road to relevance.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]