PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR TIMOTHY MORGEN
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- 1: 1st Runner-Up; rarely seen now, last awarded to Jon Dixon in Week 792.
- 2: 2nd Runner-Up; this is second in esteem after the Win, and earns a Loser the crappy prize that used to go to the Winner.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
||IT'S A SNAP
||Come up with replacements for the two hackneyed answers: "Is the Pope Catholic?" and "When Hell freezes over."
||Supply embarrassing "While You Were Out" phone messages that might be left for famous people, in plain sight, while they are away from their desks.
||ON SECOND THOUGHT
||Ideas that never got off the drawing board, for good reason.
||H H |
||REMAKE US HAPPY
||Come up with alternative story lines to movie titles, new or old.
||1 H |
||MUZAK TO OUR EAR
||Come up with unfortunate Muzak songs to hear on the phone while on hold. You can use either a song title or a lyric.
||GIVE US SOME GOOD NEWS
||Come up with ways things are going to be different now that Republicans have ascended to power.
||SEEKING SMART MORONS
||Come up with an oxymoron for our times, an expression made bogus by the fact that it combines incompatible, contradictory ideas.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]